Garden |
After having uncovered Prince's plot to try and take over the Lexx and blow up Water,
Kai and Stan head back down to Fire to rescue poor Xev, who must still be
there. Scouring the sands in their little moth, they eventually find her balanced
on a sticky-out-bit of the tower that is Hogtown, trying to stay out of the
sun. A normal human would probably have been dead by now as Xev does look pretty
rough, even with her Cluster Lizard heat-withstanding advantage. Scooping her
up, they whisk off back to the Lexx so poor ol' Xev can rehydrate herself in
the shower, which she does. Stan looks on, but perhaps he's had just about enough
of Xev's body lately (even if it was really Prince) because he doesn't seem
too bothered about trying to catch a peek as she stands with her back to him. The most pressing problem, he explains, is the fact that Lexx is going to crash into one of the planets in approximately 151 hours. They have little chance of being able to feed him the huge amounts of organic matter he needs in that time. Stan thinks perhaps they should all sleep on it. After all, it's been a long day, what with the ultimate sexual experience and almost destroying two planets and finding out you've just shagged a bloke an' all. He heads off to bed. But then perhaps Stan hasn't had quite enough of that ultimate sexual experience as who should he dream of but Lyekka! He does a bit of character establishment (probably for the benefit of Americans and others who have crap TV stations who won't necessarily show the episodes in order and leave the audience thinking "who the hell is she?!") Anyway, Stan bemoans the fact the Lyekka can't do anyting for him sexually, being "smooth right around the bend", but Lyekka points out that there are other ways to feel good. Unfortunately in this case, the only way she can make Stan feel good is to eat him. And I don't mean in a good way ;) In the dream, Lyekka's mouth begins to stretch (a la the video for "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden - look it up if you're under 25), and contort in an effort to swallow Stan whole. He wakes up in the nick of time. Whatever they decide to do, the Water planet is involved. Either they have to go there and get Lexx-food, or they have to find themselves a home. Finally deciding to get on with it and not waste any more time, the crew head down to the planet and discuss their options on the way. Stan thinks they should abandon ship and make themselves a home somewhere on Water. Lexx will have to go off quietly and crash by itself. Awwww! I have to say Stan, a Lexx is for life, not just for Christmas... Xev is all for trying to save Lexx and get off the planet. Kai is....Kai, and therefore no help at all. He merely thinks they should do what they want to do. A city appears on the horizon. It looks busy - a flotilla of ships are departing - and so they decide to give it a shot. The city however is less city and more country, being an entire garden full of every lush green plant you could think of. The city, called "Garden", surprisingly enough, grows food for everyone on Water and it is indeed plentiful. Every garden needs it's gardeners of course (except mine that needs several buckets of weedkiller and possibly a flamethrower) and Garden is no exception. To Stan's delight, the gardeners take the form of three very attractive young ladies called Tulip, Daffodil and Lily. They seem very pleased to welcome the crew and give them the guided tour, explaining how very very fertile the soil is. Stan can't help but to wonder with all this nature going on around, whether the girls would like to indulge in another "natural" activity, preferably with him. He starts asking questions, finding out that there are no other Males on Garden (woohoo!), except for the male plants of course. Stan likes this place, oh yes. But when he starts insinuating, well, you know, the girls merely look blankly at him. They don't seem to know about the love between a man and a woman, only the love between a male plant and a female one. And sometimes a bee. Stan realises that if he can get the girls in the right frame of mind, this is possibly the place of his dreams. He decides to stay. Xev of course is bored out of her mind with the total lack of men and wants to either feed the Lexx or find somewhere a bit more...populated. Kai decides this is as good-a-place as any to...um...bury himself and decompose. Which he does. Unfortunately our favourite member of the undead seems to have forgotten that he's indestructible and therefore sets himself up for some very boring millenia buried up to his neck in soil with only a parrot for company. It was a blue parrot, sitting on the side of Kai's flower pot. I can only guess that it was Norwegian. Meanwhile Stan is still trying to teach the girls the ways of luuurve, specifically by finding one and feeling her bum as she's watering the plants (with a very phallic looking watering can). She hands Stan a slice of melon. Hmmmm, more work needed here I think Stanley H. There's something in the air in this place, and it could be hallucinogenic. Perhaps that's why Kai's acting wierd, well, more wierd than usual, because it seems to be affecting Xev too. For some reason she decides this would be a good time to sit beside a stream and start singing. Then she notices a particularly toxic looking mushroom and decides to eat it (as you do). Funnily enough she is treated to a slide show of her past and some major dizziness. Cheaper than beer though. Stan is crashing and burning in all his attempts to woo the gardeners. They just don't get sex. They do however let slip that they can make plants. Any plants. They can extract dreams and make plants out of them (handy). Stan of course asks for a Lyekka, please... Plants don't just grow on trees you know. Oh, um..ok. Well they don't just appear by magic. Except in this case. The gardeners share out lots of tasty mushrooms (much like the one Xev chowed down on), causing a now highly hallucinogenic Stan to release his dream of Lyekka. They plant it in the ground, and certainly weren't kidding about the fertility of this place for it immediately sprouts forth into a Lyekka plant. She is truly Lyekka, not just a Look-A-Lyekka (geddit?! Sorry...), recognising Stan and being very pleased to see him. She is also, as usual, very hungry. Stan is so excited however that he immediately takes her to see Kai. Lyekka does not want to eat the planted assassin however, seeing as he's already dead, and ignores his subterranean greeting. Lyekka decides to look for lunch by herself and bumps in to one of the gardeners. Now these look far tastier than some old assassin who's 4,000 years past his sell by date. True to form, Lyekka chats up and then chows down on the gardener. But almost immediately a new gardener turns up! It seems like an all you can eat buffet for Lyekka, and new-girl Daisy is about to become the second course when Stan catches up with her. Stan doesn't seem to mind about the whole "eating the staff" episode; as long as there are always new gardeners this could be a place where Stan and Lyekka could settle down and be very happy together. Perhaps they could even have a few seedlings of their own... Xev finds Stan and Lyekka in the midst of their conversation - Stan wants Lyekka to teach the girls about sex. Xev has straightened out after her mushroom eating episode and impatiently tells Stan and Kai that she's leaving and taking the Lexx with her. This planet has nothing to offer her...well not since Boomtown got blown up. Seemingly not particularly bothered by Xev's desire to leave, Stan settles down for a fruit eating session with a couple of gardeners who are taking their first lesson from Lyekka. But then Xev finds him to say goodbye and there's an emotional little moment when they have a hug and Stan asks if they could be neighbours and visit sometime. Quite how he expects them to be neighbours when she's leaving the planet, I don't know, but it's probably one of those things you say like "yes, of course I'll call you!" Tchyeah right... Anyway, as it's getting dark Xev decides to leave in the morning. In the evening light Stan asks Lyekka whether she really likes him as a person and not just a prospective appetiser. She of the miniscule attention span however wanders off for some dinner (and she didn't even invite Stan!). Lyekka manages to chomp her way through all three of the gardeners, who seem more than happy to become Lyekka's Baby Bio. After her coffee and mints she wanders back to Stan, to entertain him, not to eat him, luckily. I guess this means she really does like him after all, otherwise he would be so much plant food by now. Elsewhere in the garden, Kai is singing away to himself with only his parrotty friend looking on, and Xev is snoozing soundly ready for her big departure tomorrow. But as night falls, in the deepening sky familiar shapes begin to gather. Many hundreds of balloons are circling the peaceful city below. Under cover of night, the Prince of Darkness is back... |
