LEXX

Scouring the desert for signs of Xev, Stan and Kai find only her balloon spread forlornly over the desert. With the advantage of height, they turn the moth towards the nearest tower-city, presuming that's where Xev would be headed.

En route they discuss the nature of these twin planets where so much strange stuff has happened. Stan has noticed that they seem to be bumping into people they've met before - Fifi ran the Luvliner (as Schlemmi), Bunny was Laylene in Wake the Dead, Mantrid was...well Mantrid. But none of these people seem to remember who they were, and Stan theorises that these planets are some kind of afterlife. Heaven and Hell, if you will. Kai wonders whether he'll find a new version of himself somewhere. After all, he is technically dead - his soul, emotions, feelings etc. must have gone somewhere, musn't they?

The city they are heading for is called Girltown and contains a workshop. Whilst Kai and Stan are still motoring above the desert, the workers in the factory are gainfully employed sewing new balloons for Prince's armies. The workers, all being male are...how shall I put this...a little "festive"? Mind you, if they've been put off women it's easy to see why for all the guards overseeing the work are large and bossy women who no doubt wear comfortable shoes. They also have large whips with which they keep order. The "happy" workers are slaving away over hot sewing machines when one of the boys tries to give a dress he's been working on 'specially to his boyfriend on the next machine. One of the guards notices however and dispenses a quick dose of Girltown justice - i.e. the object of the dressmaker's affection gets thrown out of the window and falls to his death. That's really mean - killing someone because they got a present, rather than the one who made it. Mind you, this does not seem like a place where fairness is way high on the Mission Statement.

Finally, Xev makes it to the city and finds a way inside. Out of the heat she begins climbing the tower, perhaps hoping to find some help. Or a nice cold beer. Stan and Kai have also reached the tower but haven't seen Xev yet. Kai begins searching for her whilst Stan waits at the bottom in the shade. He is after all, only human. And anyway he might as well stay out of the way of the rampaging homicidal hordes that no doubt inhabit the tower as they do every other town in this place. This plan would have worked perfectly if Stan hadn't then been captured by a rampaging homicidal horde.

The large ladies escort Stan to meet the ruler of Girltown - a "lady" calling herself Queen, but in fact looking very like Gigerotta - the cannibal who was killed whilst plotting to steal the Lexx on Brunnis when it exploded in Supernova. Stan notes this as it does rather appear to support his theory of this being an afterlife of some sort. Queen is in the bath, with only her head visible. No doubt another demonstration of decadence and power - on a planet where there's no water to drink, she's having a bath? Anyway, she interrogates Stan, accusing him of being a girl. (And not in a "You're a big girl's blouse" kinda way). I think this town is gender reversed - men are women and women are men. Stan explains that he is not a girl, he's a man. And he's not from around here, he's just looking for his mates. Queen however is very pleased when Stan explains he's not from Fire or Water. She looks his body up and down as if she has designs on it. She explains that all the bodies here are "gone before bodies", but that she can tell that Stan's a "first timer". Realising that this place is full of dead people (if you see what I mean), Stan confirms that he is indeed fully alive, having not died yet, not even once. Queen is so happy, and she says as much.

At that moment "council time" is announced by one of the large ladies who makes her appearance from inside Queen's bathtub. Ah well, we're all girls together here I suppose...

Meanwhile Xev is still striding up the interminable staircase.

Working in Girltown is obviously akin to working in the Civil Service, for every tiny detail of every day has to be debated to death at "Council Time". Gathered in the council chamber, Queen opens the meeting and the leader of the council (made up of more large ladies) asks that there be a motion given to adopt an agenda. The motion is made and seconded. So technically the first point of this meeting was for the council to agree on what they should have a meeting about. It can surely only get worse from here.

Whilst the council moves on to debating points of order and whether a particular point of order is in fact a point of personal priviledge and not a point of order at all and therefore must be dealt with quite differently, Xev is still making her way up the interior of the tower.

Eventually the council gets around to debating the fate of our Stan. Unfortunately for Stan, the discussion is not whether Stan is guilty or innocent (of anything), but who he has been working for and therefore how he should be killed. There is a strange etymology here for there are no men but only "non-she's". There are also She's, but these don't seem to be the same as "women". From what I could gather, the large ladies class themselves as "women", the camp machinists in the workshops are "she's" and anyone else that they can't categorise (i.e. men who aren't gay) are called "non-she's". The debate gains momentum until there are three distinct mvoements:

That Stan is working for Prince and therefore must be killed.
That Stan is working for Duke and therefore must be killed.
That Stan is (as a non-native heterosexual male) a non-she and therefore inherently untrustworthy and working for either Prince or Duke and must be killed.
Stuck between a rock and a large woman, Stan is subject to the final movement: "All those in favour that the non-she has been following a non-boy agenda, and therefore should receive the highest possible punishment - death - signify by saying aye." The council, much to Stan's dismay, vote unanimously in favour of the motion.

Having decided Stan's fate, Queen makes the request that she have his body, the one she showed so much interest in. The council agree and Stan is brought forward to face his death. The Beans must have something about decpitation for Stan's head is place in a head-sized cage with a very sharp attachment. He complains desperately but the large ladies hold him in place as Queen burbles on about the things she's going to do with his body when she gets hold of it. Oh good.

Kai has in the meantime been searching for Xev. But he hasn't found her. What he has found however, is the workshop. The workers are overjoyed. After all, a handsome prince has come to save them! The guards become familiar with the sharp edge of Kai's brace when they try to capture him, and the happy campers nearly wet their little panties with delight. Kai unchains the workers who dance and flit as happily as a cartload of very fluffy pink monkeys. They are so overwhelmed that this gorgeous saviour has freed them, in fact, that they bedeck Kai in all those little haberdashery items they've been stashing away. Yes, the dead "I look good in black and only black" chap is suddenly decorated with feather boas, frilly things and kisses. I have to say that the sight of the impassive Kai being twittered over and festooned with pink things was definitely a sight worth seeing!

Kai interrupts the festivities by asking about Xev. Although they haven't seen her, the happy campers offer to help find her. After all they are so very taken with Kai they'd have probably done just about anything for him. And I mean anything. Yes, even that. In return for their help, Kai points out that he knows this rather nice Garden where they all could live once they escape from this place. This goes down very well with the dancing seamstresses - I guess they'll feel very at home in amongst all those fruits. Kai takes his band of extrememly merry men and goes off to search for Xev.

A point to note at this time is that this episode's special guest stars are one Jimi Somerville of Bronski Beat fame (if you weren't around in the 80's look it up on a search engine), who sings a lovely song about freedom in that high pitched way of his. He's also joined by one Andre Haines, brother (under a pseudonym we presume) to Mr Lex Gigeroff, co-writer of Lexx! One has to ask what childhood incident Andre was attoning for when he agreed to play the part...

Whilst Kai is starring in his own private version of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Stan is having to deal with Ex-Gigerotta, Queen of the Decapitators. He prepares for the necrophiliac monarch to cut his head off and ravage his body. But suddenly Queen rises up out of the bath and reveals her...um...machinery! Yes, the Queen is merely a head on some kind of robotic arm. She doesn't want to do rude things to Stan's body, she wants to wear it! I guess that's why she was so interested in the fact Stan is actually alive-alive and hasn't been round the block before. Well, not in that way.

I guess if this is an afterlife, as Stan reckons, it has as twisted a sense of humour as the Beans themselves. The punishment fits the crime. After all, why else would Gigerotta - the woman who used other peoples bodies to sustain her own (as a cannibal) - be sentenced to eternity without a body to call home?

Anyway, as Stan is about to join the ranks of ghostly horsemen everywhere, Xev hears his screams on her journey up the tower and rushes in to rescue him. She is beaten only by Kai whose wrist brace severs the head-removal-apparatus seconds before it activates. Queen-G is understandably miffed about the whole thing, even more so when one of Kai's camp followers plays with Queens machinery and dunks her abruptly back into her bath, where she drowns.

Stan, Kai and Xev lead the way to Water in their moth followed by the festive chaps in a cloud of new balloons. As they get to the vortex between the planets, Kai contacts an overjoyed 790 telling him they're coming back to the Lexx. Unfortunately one of the Kai-club happens to mention that Kai looks gorgeous in black, and 790's jealousy overwhelms him. He tells the Lexx that those balloons are a tasty little snack...

Not only do the poor newly-freed workers get sucked into the Lexx's giant orifice, but the little Moth is disrupted by the turbulence and barely manages to stay upright. Stan and Kai are tipped over the edge and plummet towards the Water planet below. Stan manages to transfer the Key to Xev who is hanging on to the Moth for dear life.

As Stan and Kai freefall through the atmosphere, Kai breaks the good news to Stan. Although they're going to land on the relatively soft Water, Kai cannot swim. He is too dense to float and will sink to the centre of the planet.

If he survives the landing, Stan is on his own.