LEXX

Stan has found an advertisement on the airwaves for a pleasure cruiser called the Luvliner. This astro-bordello caters for all kinds of preference, and Stan and Xev decide to go visit. After all, they are both only humanoid. 790 is not, but he doesn't like to let Xev out of his sight, so he goes along too. After using their usual method of getting credit, i.e. blowing up a small moon as a demonstration of what will happen if they are not allowed onto the station, they are given permission to come aboard.

The rooms are not quite how they were advertised, and neither indeed are the staff. In fact, the whole place is more than a little seedy, and much more than a little rotten and falling apart, but, desperation drives ahead and Stan and Xev go along with it for the time being. The choice of partners is a little limited, and Stan ends up with a rather aged, if sweet natured, whore. Xev however gets a complete stud who falls in love with her the moment he sets eyes on her and refuses to have sex with her because he wants a relationship with more than just sex. Xev, however, doesn't.

Outside, 790 is having a hard time of it himself. The owner's friend, it turns out, has a mechano-fetish and is trying it on with 790 in a costume that would go down a storm on the Amsterdam club scene. The Owner, however, (a very nasty man in black leather) is trying to get his hands on the Lexx.

He bursts in on Stan and his "partner", who has finally finally convinced Stan that she's not that bad after all. Unfortunately she never gets to prove this to him as she is immediately disintegrated by the owner's energy gun. Stan is dragged out, as the owner heads off to collect Xev. Xev is still chasing the Stud round the room desperately trying to get his kecks off, until he too disintegrates into a pile of ash (waste if you ask me) as the owner appears at the door. Xev and Stan are both piled into the Moth and forcefully taken back to the Lexx.

Whilst Xev and Stan are tied to the control stand, the owner goes off for a little explore, leaving the friend in charge. Taking this opportunity to "resign", he broadcasts a message to the bosses of the Luvliner, managing to put his thoughts about his employment for the last few years accross very succinctly. then he makes Stan blow up the Luvliner, right in front of the bosses eyes. The bosses are not impressed, sitting on their little world below, especially as the owner's friend is still dressed in his mechano-fetishist outfit (complete with pink frilly skirt and flashing lights on the lips...). The owner returns, with one cryopod dragging heavily across the floor. (How he ever got it up the stairs I'll never know...) Kai is happily snoozing, unaware of what's going on outside, while the owner gives the pod a little hammering for good measure. Stan warns the owner that Kai is an assassin, leaving the owner only one choice as to what to do with him.

The owner's friend nears the proximal sun in the Moth. Clamped between the Moth's legs is the cryopod. The owner wants Kai thrown into the sun as this is the only way he will know for certain that Kai is not going to come back... Insisting on his friend getting as close as possible to the sun, the owner gives the command to release the pod and it falls sliently towards the flaming orb, spinning over and over. Xev and Stan watch in horror as the pod continues on it's way, the moth heading back towards the Lexx.

On his return, the owner's friend aims an electric prod at Stan's neck, trying to make him turn the Lexx around and head away from Kai's pod. Stan relies on the ol' "you can't do that, only I can fly the ship" routine. "OK", says the friend, and points it instead at Xev. Xev is understandably unimpressed by this. Stan is forced to comply, and the Lexx begins turning toward it's new course.

The owner decides it's about time Xev got used for what she was made for, and grabs her away from the stand. He really is a very unpleasant chap, and Xev fights back, almost defeating him. Stan takes this opportunity to turn the Lexx around and try to re-capture Kai's pod, taking an electric shock in the neck for the privelage. Meanwhile, the owner has once again got the better of Xev, and knocks her flying over the edge of the bridge, where she only just manages to catch hold of a bar to keep herself from falling.

Outside the Lexx, the spinning pod is nearing the burning sun. The heat from the sun has warmed the pod, and Kai comes too. Seeing the Lexx coming straight at him, he pushes the lid off the pod and fires at the Lexx, dragging himself towards it...

The owner is prising Xev's fingers loose, one by one. She screams as she tries to hold on, but he manages to loose her last fingers and she falls towards the deck of the Lexx far below...until Kai's brace catches her wrist and lifts her back onto the bridge to face the owner and his little cronie. This time, Xev doesn't hold back. The owner goes flying over the edge of the bridge, laughing manically as he falls to his death. He obviously was not a well bunny and probably deserved to die anyway, so that's ok...

"Thank you! Thank you!" the owner's friend starts, "You have no idea of the horrible things he made me do! Now I can devote myself to the charitable causes I have always aspired to!" Xev looks at Kai, who looks at Stan, who looks at the owner's friend...

The tiny pod containing the owner's friend plummets towards the surface. As it crashes through the ceiling of the room, the Luvliner bosses stand up to greet their ex-employee. It doesn't look as if they are going to award him a bonus...

"Next time, I'm taking you with me!" Stan promises Kai "as a body guard!" "That is a task I would be suited to!" replies Kai. "We're sorry Kai" says Xev, but Kai interrupts her, "You were only trying to fulfill your needs" he says as the lid closes on his cryopod. With Kai asleep, Stan turns to Xev. "I still have some...needs" he says. "Me too" replies Xev, "and afer what we've just been through, I've decided I like my men tall..."
"Yeah...?" hopes Stan
"...handsome..."
"yeah...?"
"...and dead."

And Lexx continues it's quest for a new home...