Lyekka |
The Lexx is floating quite happily in space, on its journey to who-knows-where, when
it is joined by a flock of small, green pod-like things. One of the pods wiggles
its way inside the lexx, where it floats along the corridors, checking out
the inhabitants. It scans first Kai, in his cryopod, then 790, still crying electronic
tears for the bowl of goo that is Zev, and then up, higher into the Lexx,
where it finds Stanley... Stan, as usual, is dreaming about women. In particular one woman from his past, named Lyekka. So understandably it comes as a bit of a shock when he wakes up to find her standing on the bridge, naked, and covered in gloop... At the same time, a trio of intrepid astronauts are leaving their world to become the first inhabitants to pass through the Ion Veil which separates their planet from the rest of the universe. They are all excited about the great honour it is to be the first to do so, and how all Potatohoe will be so proud. Potatohoe is an aptly named planet as it very good at growing potatoes, and indeed looks like a potato. There is Captain Boss, Boosh, the Science Officer, and Bando, the Flight Officer, all of whom are just overjoyed to be there. In fact, this is almost Boosh's fantasy...to be the first, the very first to meet an alien life form. Bando's fantasy, he reveals, is far more down to earth. To meet the most beautiful supermodel over dinner and have her...well, you get the idea. Boss's fantasy is even more down to earth, in another way. He loves his values and morals, and his ideal is to be working out in the garden, digging the earth, and then his Sally-Sue comes out on the back porch and says "EJ! When you gonna stop playing with in that silly garden and come play with me?" Yup, Boss thinks there's nothing better than his Sally-Sue, but Boosh says it's definately his Mary-Moo who's the best. Bando, of course, is the only one who gets to go home at night with his Becky-Boo. Values. That's what's important on Potatohoe, yesssiree... Back on the bridge, Stan is further confused by the fact that this naked dream girl seems to have no genitalia, not that he was looking, you understand. There is also a previously non-existant herbaceous pod hanging from the ceiling of the bridge. Stan decides that at times like this, you need an indestructible dead guy to protect you, and therefore goes to wake Kai. Kai looks concerned in that 'Kai' way, but seems more worried about being passed over for Stan: Lyekka says she prefers Stan as she "doesn't like dead things". 790 is still mourning Zev. The crew's consternation is broken however, when they encounter a small potato shaped capsule floating outside. The inmates of the capsule seem very...nice...if a little slow on the uptake, so being the helpful chap that he is, Kai goes out in a moth and picks them up. The three fellows trail slowly behind Kai as he leads them onto the bridge. They are somewhat hindered by the huge US 1960's style space suits they are wearing and the fact that they are all linked together. They introduce themselves very slowly, just in case these aliens are dangerous, and offer Stan a potato as a sign of friendship. Once Kai has explained that they can understand them, they are much relieved. "You're humanoid!" they cheer, and are finally persuaded to remove their helmets. "Well, I am" replies Stan, "I think Lyekka is a plant, and Kai was." "You were?" Boss asks Kai. "Yes", replies Kai, "I was, before I died." This causes concerned looks amongst the crew, but they are open to new experiences and look as if they will try to get along with the idea. Stan suggests they may be hungry, so the incongruous group head down to the galley to eat. While the Potatohovians order various forms of the potato, Stan offers food to Lyekka. "I'm not hungry for potatoes.." she smiles, getting very close to Stan. "So", Boss asks after the meal "how do you reconstitute the complex proteins in the food?". Stan looks suitably blank, and has to admit that he doesn't know - Lexx just does it. Stan explains about the whole key thing, and as a demonstration, tells Lexx to blow up "that small moon" to show Boss what he's capable of. Boss is very impressed with this, but a little less impressed with the fact that his capsule was right in the way of the beam. Stan has to admit that Lexx just blew it up by accident. "How are we supposed to get home?" asks the distraught Boss. The Lexx changes course for Potatohoe... ...from where radio signals can be heard emanating. The whole planet is just so darn proud of their 'boys' up in space, and really really want to wish them well, and hope to see them all safe real soon...but what's that? On the viewer? Oh My God... Potatohoe is completely destroyed by a small but ever growing cloud of Mantrid drones. The worried Potatohovians are left rather stranded on the Lexx. To fill the time, Boss tells them to split up and have a look around. But watch out for the dead guy. And the girl. Wandering around the Lexx is dangerous enough if you are experienced in this sort of thing. If however, you are a hick straight out of small-town potatoville, it is suicidal. Bando is investigating when Lyekka appears behind him. Bando, although his heart is in the right place, is easily lead. So when a beautiful girl starts to pay him close attention, what's a man supposed to do? Lyekka takes his hand... ...Bando and Lyekka are in a restaurant, Lyekka hanging on every word that Bando says. Bando explains that he is a big boy. A very big boy. The biggest boy she's ever seen. And she can call him "Big Boy Bando". "Big Boy Bando!", pouts Lyekka. "Big Boy Bando!" shouts Bando, over and over again, until his head inflates like a huge balloon, growing and growing... And the last anyone sees of Bando are his feet disappearing into the strange pod on the ceiling of the bridge... Boosh is understandably surprised when Lyekka appears beside him. Would he like to make her happy? Would he like to be the very first, to make an Alien happy? Boosh nods, and Lyekka puts out her finger (Eliott! Phone home!!). Boosh presses his finger to hers... ...and they are back inside the capsule. He is dressed in a tuxedo, whilst the other two are in dressing gowns and bedroom slippers, drinking tea. He tries to attract their attention as Lyekka appears outside the ship, but they are not interested in the Alien being. Then Lyekka appears inside, floating towards Boosh and asking him if would like to be the first... ...and Kai watches from the passageway as Boosh's feet disappear up into the herbaceous pod, pausing only to let one shoe fall to the deck. Kai heads for Stan's bedchamber, touching his arm lightly to wake him up. He explains what he has just seen, and that Lyekka appears to be some sort of carnivorous plant. "Are you going to save Boss?" asks Stan. "I have no motivation to save Boss from Lyekka", he replies, "or Lyekka from Boss". Stan runs for the bridge, as Boss strides in. "Where are my men Captain?" he storms. "I had a rendezvous with the 37 minutes ago and they are never late!". Lyekka, appearing, claims to have eaten them. "They were yummy!" she exclaims. Lexx chimes in that they have reached the co-ordinates for Potatoho. Unfortunately, Potatohoe seems to have vanished. Boss is not happy. In fact, Boss is in tears, poor chap. He's lost his crew, his pod, and his planet all in one day, which some would say was careless, but it wasn't really his fault. "You blew it up, didn't you!" wails Boss, which Stan denies profusely. Kai appears behind Stan. Boss is sure Kai is the only one capable of killing the crew, and therefore, (give him his due) wants a fight. Stan and Lyekka both try to explain that it was actually Lyekka who at the crew, but he's having none of it. He steps forward and takes hold of Lyekka to move her out of the way... ...and is in the garden, back on good ol' Potatohoe, raking and watering, and watering, and raking, and talking to his plants. This is not as strange as it seems, considering that each plant is in fact a head. This seems to be the way they reproduce on Potatohoe - by growing their offspring in the back yard. The crop greedily lap up the water, as Sally-Sue aka Lyekka appears on the back porch. Faced with the choice between Sally-Sue and the garden, Boss chooses...the garden... ...and disappears inside the pod. Stan has no need to be worried when Lyekka reappears. She's not hungry any more. This does not stop her picking up the bowl of goo that used to be Zev, almost causing 790 to implode when she dips her finger in it, proclaims it "yummy!" and eats the rest. Stan is shocked, but Lyekka explains that she likes Stan, and has therefore made him a "present". "What present?" begins Stan The herbaceous pod begins to shake... And a large gooey shape emerges and drops to the floor. It is a woman. She slowly stands upright, and looks at each of the crew. "Kai?" she stammers, then "Stan? 790?". 790 is in shock, "Xev?" he chokes. Lyekka took the proteins that made up Zev, with a little extra from the Astronauts, and reconstituted them into Xev, going only on the (inaccurate) descriptions that 790 had been spouting all this time. Xev has red hair now, and is very pleased to be back. "It is nice to see you again" stutters Kai... Looking down, and realising she's naked, Xev runs off to make herself some clothes out of "cluster lizard, of course". Lyekka returns to her pod, on the understanding that they will find her a nice planet to eat on next time she's awake. 790's ecstatic laughter fills the air, as Lexx continues it's search for a new home... |
