LEXX

The family have obviously been stuck in their home for quite a while. Everything flammable has been burnt in an attempt to stop the monsters that beat at the door every night. This is probably going to be their last night as they have run out of things to burn. They know that the monsters will eat them, if not tonight, then tomorrow night. As the sun comes up, they know that unless they can get off this planet today, they're dinner.

Stan is asleep on the bridge. Really asleep. "How long has he been asleep?" Xev asks 790. "9 hours 43 minutes" 790 answers. Xev tries to wake him, but cannot. There is something wrong with Stan. 790 discovers he has elevated Hydrogen Peroxide levels which, if they keep rising, will soon kill him. Stan needs some help. Xev puts out a general distress signal, asking for medical help for Stan. After all, Stan is delerious and verging on unconsciousness, and without him, they can't fly the Lexx.

The signal cuts in on the bickering of the family on the planet with the monsters. They realise this could be their ticket off and stop blaming each other for what's happening long enough to invite the Lexx to come down. Their robot, a fully functional 792, has medical programming and will help their captain. Xev has woken up Kai to help her with Stan. When he hears the name of the planet, he knows it well. "How do you know the planet Ruma?" asks Xev. "I have the memories of the last Divine Shadow, and he knew it well" replies Kai. "Could it be dangerous?" Xev asks. Kai doesn't think so, since the collapse of the Divine Order. And anyway, they don't have a choice. Xev manages to get enough sense out of Stan to command the Lexx to go to Ruma, and on arrival they take Stan down in the moth to the planet's surface.

On the way down, Kai explains that Ruma is where the bodies of the previous Divine Shadows where taken, after their brains were removed to become Divine Predecessors. Their is a radiation from the planet's core which keeps the bodies in a semi-animated state. "Could it be dangerous to us?" asks Xev. Kai hesitates. "It is not known to affect the living" he replies, flicking his hair.

The moth is greeted by the family upon landing. They introduce themselves as the High Govenor of Ruma, his wife - Hidea - and his teenage daughter Lomia. Lomia seems to take a 'shine' to Xev, complimenting her lizard-skin dress and saying how she likes lizards, especially their tongues. When Xev asks the governor who he is governor of, he explains how all the other clerics left their posts when the Divine Order collapsed. He was left here to guard the bodies of the Divine Predecessors. "The billowing clouds!". Kai has jumped down from the moth, and is pointing at the sky. "Kai?" asks Xev, "Are you all right?". Kai walks behind the High Govenor and puts his hands on the governors shoulders. "The burning hills!" he explains, and walks away. "This man has the uniform of a Divine Assassin...?" mentions the Govenor. "A former Divine Assassin", explains Xev. "He's with us now..." They go into the dimly lit hall and the 792 robot examines Stanley. Kai is sitting by the window. "The billowing clouds that puff and flower are calling me to an ancient bower!" he cries, and tries to climb out of the window. "Kai, what are you doing?" scolds Xev. "I must sing my song!" he answers urgently, and jumps out of the window. "I think you'd better get your robot to look at Kai too," Xev says to Govenor's wife. Before the robot can tell Xev what's wrong with Stan, the Govenor insists that they make a bargain. They'll help Stan, if they can get away from this planet on board the Lexx. Xev of course agrees, and says she'll drop them off on the nearest planet where they have friends. Unfortunately, they don't have any friends. But they don't tell Xev that...

Kai is outside. He's fallen a long way from the window, but he seems OK. Well, sort of OK. Well, he's dancing.

792 has ascertained that Stan has a selenium deficiency. The food on the Lexx must be lacking it, but humans need it to live. Xev is unaffected because of her transformation, but Stan's got it bad. Luckily, the governor's dandruff shampoo contains selenium, and Xev spoons it down Stanley's throat.

Kai is picking flowers while reciting a poem.

"The wheel it spins, it turns around
It makes an ancient rumbling sound!"
"Let me show you around!" offers Hidea, dragging Xev outside for a 'picnic'. The family sit out on a bare rock and Lomia brings out a small dish of very burnt looking offerings. While they eat, Lomia is rubbing up against Xev. She apparently has an accelerated libido too. "Oh yeah?", says Xev, "well you know how frustrating it can be when there's no men around..." Lomia obviously doesn't think men are worth wasting time on, she's more of a ladies lady, if you get my drift...

Kai has climbed a tower on the cliffs outside the castle, and found another flower. He stands on the edge of the rock

"Where nothing is, let nothing be And then at last shall I be free!"
And he throws the first flower off the cliff

Hidea drags Lomia back inside the castle to "check on Stan", insisting Xev stay outside with the Govenor. As the sun begins to set, Xev says she really ought to go and see Stan herself, but suddenly the Govenor stands up and shouts "Oh no, the assassin! He's fallen over the cliff!". "Where?!" Xev leaps up, but can't see Kai. While she is looking the other way, the Govenor rushes back inside the castle and locks the door. "Hey!" shouts Xev, "Let me in!". The Govenor and his wife appear on the battlement. As they have no friends on other planets they can go to, they have decided to steal the Lexx and make it their own. "What have you done with Stan?" she cries. "You want him? Here he is..." they reply and throw him off the battlement onto the earth below. Stan is luckily unhurt in the fall, and is starting to regain consciousness from the shampoo infusion. "Tonight, your the main course on the menu!" they taunt. "You can't fly the Lexx without Stan", argues Zev, but they don't believe her. The sun is almost set, and the vaults around the base of the castle start to open. Out of each comes a walking zombie - the bodies of the dead His Shadows. And they are obviously hungry. "Kai!" Xev calls, but he is nowhere to be seen. As the zombies approach, they try to fight them off. Luckily, they are not very strong, but there are a lot of them and Xev gets bitten on the neck by one. Then, miraculously, the doors to the castle open and the zombies leave Xev and Stan and start moving into the castle. Anxious to get to the moth, Xev and Stan follow the line of zombies, but by the time they get there, the Shadows have eaten the moth. They will have to contact the Lexx and try to get it to come down and pick them up, but "Kai!" Xev realises "He's got the only squawker!" They must find Kai and the radio to have any hope of getting away from here.

Kai is on his promontory, sitting with an old human skull in his hand, and the flower he found stuck through his hair. He is reciting poetry to it:

"The wheel it turns, it goes around
It makes an ancient rumbling sound!"
He makes the skull's jaw bone move in time with the words.

Back on the Lexx, Lyekka has awoken. She is hungry and, although the planet below doesn't look very tasty, she's willing to give it a try. 790 tells her that Stan is on the planet, and she tries to contact him on the squawker. "Hello?" she calls. "The wheel it turns, it goes around, it makes an ancient rumbling sound!" "This is not Stanley. Where is he?", she wonders, "but more importantly where's food?"

"Kai!" Xev and Stan have found his hideyhole, but Kai is far more interested in his skulls. "Give me the squawker, Kai!" Xev demands. He offers her the skull. "No! The little radio thing...?" Kai understands, and gets the radio out of his pocket. "That's it, there's a good Kai" Xev encourages. Then he throws the radio off the cliff. "There's another transmitter in the castle" Xev realises, before Stan has a chance to kill Kai. They leave him to it

The Govenor and his wife are in the courtyard where they find the remains of the eaten moth. The Shadows are still all around, and the door has closed behind them. "Lomia! Let us in!" they cry, but Lomia refuses. They're all going to die, she may as well get to see them die first! The Govenor finds the head of 792 on the ground. 792 let in the Shadows, his primary funciton is to look after them. "And they ate you!" remarks the Govenor. "No, the plant lady did" replies 792

Two Shadows have made it up to Kai's ledge. He dances with them, then throws them over the edge. Then he has a good laugh about it.

Xev and Stan are heading back to the castle when Xev stops and sniffs Stan. "I can smell your brain, Stanley..."

Back in the castle, Lomia has encountered Lyekka, who is surprised that Lomia seems to be so willing to be eaten. I don't think Lomia quite understands what is going to be involved with this "eating" business.

The Govenor and his wife hear a scream, and a few minutes later the door opens. They rush inside, swiftly followed by Xev and Stan, who have made it back to the castle. All four of them rush upstairs to escape the Shadows gaining on them. Hidea operates a secret staircase to the roof but before anyone else can get up, she closes it behind her. Stan and the Govenor are trapped with the Shadows, and an increasingly zombified Xev. Xev attacks the Govenor and is about to start on Stan when Lyekka opens the staircase from the inside. She has eaten Lomia and her mother, and has come back for Stan. Stan flies up the stairs to find the moth that Lyekka bought, complete with Kai who she found on the way, and who is placing his large lilly between her breasts (that's not what I meant - clean your mind out!). As they get in, however, Xev attacks the window. She does not look well.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Stan asks Kai. Looking faintly embarrassed, Kai replies "We are out of reach of the planet's radiation. I'm fine". But what to do about Xev. She is strapped to the driving stand on the bridge of the Lexx, roaring like a zombie. Taking a firm hold, Kai sucks her neck to remove the poison the zombies infected her with when they bit her. Then he sucks her mouth to remove the rest. Her eyes closed, and not resisting, "again, please" she whispers. "I have already sucked all the poision out of you. A third application is not necessary" replies Kai. "Let me be the judge of that" she pleads. Then she sniffs. "Ergh...did I eat the High Govenor?" "Yeah", replies Stan, "well his brain anyway..."

"OK Lexx, turn around and show me that planet. I'm going to turn it into granite" But as the planet comes into view, the cloud of mechanical arms has got there first...