LEXX

This episode is a follow-up to Walpurgis, also written by Tom de Ville with assist this time from Donovan *and* Gigeroff. The dark ambience and really outstanding FX carry over the delicious mood in Walpurgis Night, while the story kicks up several notches with the revelation of and confrontation with, a potentially more deadly and focused enemy than Prince. Stan, Xev and Kai have returned to the Lexx.
790 rushes to greet his beloved dead assassin, "Kai! Let me circuit your shorts."

Stanley, in a macho mood, can't resist taunting the metal git with the fact that Stan 'got lucky' (if you can count being done over by a trio of vapid, grasping, deceitful sluts, lucky) down on the little blue planet. 790's contempt for Stan remains unabated; he tells Stan that as soon as he gets some teeth, he'll bite him, adding "and I know of some dead flesh I will nibble on as well" and dribbles off into breathy drooling over Kai.

When Xev mentions that people in Transylvania seem to have a biting fetish, he becomes alarmed in case anybody has bitten his "sweet, sweet Stud of Necromance" (790 is such a romantic). Kai indicates he needs to return to the cryopod and that his protoblood has run down (courtesy of Renfield's Iron Maiden). Xev follows Kai, leaving Stan to begin one last taunting insult to 790.

Suddenly, we hear the chanting voices of sluts, and Stan forgets what he was saying. He gazes off with a dopey look. We see the Three Twats around a fire, arms linked, calling out to Stanley Tweedle, urging him to feel the urge. Silly twats. Stanley always feels the urge. Stan seems quite confused. He drops 790 and wanders off the bridge.

In the cryochamber, Xev tells Kai that they should save his protoblood for when they really need him, so thinks it's a good idea to refreeze him.
Neither of them think Stan is alright and Xev remarks that, "He's been acting different ever since we left Transylvania."
In response to her next query, Kai tells Xev that he did not find what he was looking for there, but thinks that the thing he sought may now be looking for him. He's straight-up with Xev's voiced fears, that such a creature could hurt all of them, not just Kai. He reminds her to waken him if they decide to return to the planet.

Xev kisses Kai goodnight and wishes him sweet dreams.. Xev the optimist.

The three pretend-goth twats are playing Weird Sisters and trying to cast a spell or whatever. This seems a bit of a time filler while the twats circle a fire and posture away like the vapid sluts that they are.. they are trying to connect with Stan. Davinia, considerably dumber than the others, despite her good looks, messes up the chant. They start again, and this time we see some indication that a connection is being made between them and the moon-orbiting Lexx.

Their psychic essence (oh wow, VapidSlutEssence! how utterly fascinating and attractive) moves past the sleeping Xev, past the cryopod, and appears to be searching for Stanley. There he is cuddled up in his little Moth bed, and somehow they manage to transmit the Urge to him. (Their urge is to be a slave, how dumb is that?)

They take on appearances of Xev, Kai and 790 to manifest themselves to a confused Stanley. Interestingly enough, Mandragora/Xev can't seem to hold Xev's true image though and we see a very alluring, dark-haired, black-leather bikini clad Xev. Probably shows that Xev is pure of heart, while Kai has no heart to be pure or otherwise. Davinia manifests 790, with spiralling pinwheels for eyes (reflecting the nearly brainless state of Davinia I reckon. She's about as smart as a bagful of hammerheads.)

Stan wakes. He wanders around the Lexx corridors with a sense that someone is there. We see apparitions of the three twats, playing hide-n-seek with Stan. Down below, the real Davinia messes up her Davinia/790 lines.. again! earning some nasty rebukes from her sister sluts. Mandragora has a go next.

Mandragora vamps up to Stanley in her BlackXev guise, while Muffy/Kai simperingly undoes 'her' braid, and poutingly tells Stanley he can't forget THEM! MuffyKai tells him he's too far away and they need to rebuild their relationship, and then MuffyKai kisses Stan full on the lips, then twitters!!

This is like a psychotic nightmare for Stanley! He feels like 790 does, when Stan kissed him earlier! Bleaghhh! Dead Assassin germs! Stanley flees away from the imposters and hops in a Moth, hoping to fly about and clear his head.

Stan's inner slave forces him to fly the Moth back down to Transylvania, the LAST place the real Stanley wants to go. He looks in shock as his own hand slaps him across the face. But, he arrives, and there are the three twats waiting for him. Muffy tells Stan he's going to help them revive their 'Lady'. He rather timidly claims he's not their slave, but when Muffy tells him to bark like a dog, he replies "woof".

Stanley and the Sluts return to the Lexx. He tries to divert them, and Davinia is easy. She's entranced by the Lexx and remarks that one could film the "skankiest" video there (especially if you and your sister twats were there, ..wait a minute, you are there! Wow, this is one skanky scene!!) Stan next tries to delay by dragging them to the galley to introduce the idea of 'eating'. The sluts begin to show their impatience. Stan tries to entice them with 'so how about some more hanky-panky for Little Stan' type of thing. But Top Slut Muffy finally gets the message across to him. Like all twats, they really only use their sexuality for getting stuff and achieving their goals, and the stuff they want right now.. is PROTOBLOOD!

He takes them to the cryochamber, where Mandragora successfully licks the pod. Poor Davinia tries it out too, but ends up getting her lips stuck to the thing! Having found the canister of protoblood, Muffy bonks Stanley on the head (after leading him on to expect a totally different kind of bonk of course.). On the bridge, 790 wakes suddenly, hearing their evil slutty cackling. He makes like a fire engine and races to protect his beloved stiff.

MuffySlut grabs the protoblood canister, while Mandragora rips Davinia's lips off the pod and away they go in a Moth down to Transylvania.

Xev, alerted by 790, rushes to the cryochamber to find unconscious Stanley. Kai immediately notes his protoblood is missing. They try to catch the twats, but it's too late! Muffy waves a contemptuous farewell. Kai states what is now obvious: the twats are in the service of the creature who hunts Kai, and they intend to give that creature life.. Kai's LIFEblood in fact! (This is obvious to anybody paying attention, but Kai's exegesis is for those in the audience of Davinia's intellectual stature I guess.)

Kai and Xev hook Stanley up to the protein regenerator. 790 discovers what he always knew, that Stanley is one big cesspool.. he contains 32 types of viruses and parasitic organisms. More pertinent however, he can see that Stanley is infected with something called parablood. According to Kai, this is "a neurochemical messenger that opens Stan to control of others. They give their master's gift with a kiss." 790 cleans the parablood out of Stan.

Kai warns Xev to keep as far away from 'Vlad' as possible. Vlad is a 'Divine Executioner', which creature Kai had been searching for, tipped off by the presence of the cone-head figure in Tina's film. Their bodies contain a "bio-venom" called parablood, which when injected into their human victims enslaves them to the D.E.

These executioners are really big baddies!! Way badder than Divine Assassins!! The graphics show us the biovizier lair with a Divine Executioner being created. Kai's assessment is uncompromisingly grim. He tells Xev that the Earth is likely doomed, and that she should never go back there. Instead of running away in the Lexx with Stan and Xev, Kai seems to feel some moral imperative to try to defeat/destroy Vlad, rather than to allow her to enact her apocalyptic bent.

The Twat Trio bring the protoblood to old, shrivelled-up, Vlad and she sucks it up like nobody's business!! She does some head shaking and sucking and etc and she's transformed from an old hag, into a youthful hag, with her hair teased up into a pointy cone and red-glowing eyes (what a witch!) The Queen Bitch herself has arrived.

The restored Vlad says with total assurance that Kai will come for her. Vlad's incisors extend and protoblood spills out of her mouth as she gives her twat servants a sick little smile and suggests she take all three of them at once. The twats, longing to be bitten again by Vlad, think they'll get something really specially perverted now! They're hopping in excitement.

Vlad does a Freddie Krueger, - we see the outside of the castle and hear the twat tarts screaming... I guess they liked Vlad's latest (and last) gift.

Kai and Xev are circling over the castle having a looksee. They spot the other Moth parked, and the Lexx iris. Kai suggests that Father Borscht's belongings may contain useful information and urges Xev to go to the village and search, as well as to warn the villagers of Vlad's presence and nature. He then leaps out of the Moth and takes a fantastic dive straight down the Lexx iris. He lands on his feet (he had practice on Water) in the basement corridor.

Kai calls to Vlad to show herself. She speaks to him and reveals every detail of her plan of subjugating and destroying everybody on earth. (Why, why, why, do villains always feel impelled to do this??) Actually her plan is a bit redundant really, since humanity is already well on it's merry way to destroying itself ala Higgs Boson. Vlad is one fast Executioner. She moves around like lightning as they play hide and seek in the basement. (There's a certain...erm.. element of excitement about the idea of playing hide-n-seek with Kai in a basement).

Vlad relates that she knew Kai would be here on Earth, from the Time Prophet, before she killed her. She found a 'bruise"? in the time space fabric to allow her to cross over to the Dark Zone. Vlad seems a tad surprised as she comments that Kai seems rather motivated for an assassin in response to Kai vowing that he will try to destroy her.

She just can't get her head around this concept though (Vlad thinks in a box, like all Divine Order slaves) and asserts that she is the one who is to destroy him. She can't envision any other outcome apparently, always a bad omen in Lexx where the totally goofy, illogical or unexpected tends to reign supreme! She really is an empty-headed twat, as Kai demonstrates by knocking a temporary hole in her skull. However, she does have some nifty flying gadgetry of her own. Clearly an upgraded model to Kai.

Meanwhile, having reached the village, Xev runs to the bar and tries to convince van Helsing and the people that they need to flee. He thinks she's as deranged as the rest of his family.. more actually. Van Helsing thinks Xev needs a stiff one, and offers it to her. Xev tosses it back without batting a ClusterLizard eyelash. She convinces van Helsing that she needs to search Father Borscht's room which has been untouched since he died. The barkeeper is totally skeptical, but since he obviously finds Xev incredibly appealing, he humours her.

Stanley has a little talk with the Lexx. He tries to set up some precautions and instructs Lexx to blow up the planet if Lexx sees anything evil heading their way.. oooh boy, not well defined there!

van Helsing lets Xev into the deceased priest's room. He thinks Xev is nuts, but wants to give her a roll in the hay, so he's being cooperative. He is surprised to discover that Xev can't read!

Back in the basement, Vlad hooks hold of Kai and smashes him into a wall, "I can see it in your eyes Brunnen-G..defeat." She looks incredibly pleased with herself.

Vlad cuddles up to Kai now, and goes on about her unquenchable thirst over thousands of years for protoblood. She slobbers on him. Kai breaks her hold and hoists himself up to the battlements. Vlad flies up under her own wingpower.

Vlad does some pretty weird tricks with her tongue and she's got a neat blade there as well. There's a stylistically choreographed struggle between them on the castle roof. Vlad appears to be indestructible to assault though, melding her belly together as easily as Kai does with his own bodily parts when he gets cut.

She promises to swallow every bit of Kai's juice... greedy tart! She's having a good time basically, playing with Kai but finally decides to suck him dry. Vlad has a ..erm Bodice-Snake, (I bet she calls it 'Little Vlad' hey?) which extends and sticks itself into Kai! The Divine Executioners seem very different from the emotionless state of the Divine Assassins. Vlad appears to be heartily enjoying her cat-and-mouse with Kai whom she intends to consume.

Back at the tavern, Xev recognizes the DO symbol in Borscht's journal. van Helsing reads the accompanying text for her; "Before he died, he grabbed me by the collar,and whispered into my ear, 'The beast cannot dim the light of a pure heart."

van Helsing thinks maybe a good shag would help the situation, and Xev is fine with that, but has to help Kai first. van Helsing tries to convince her there is no Vlad. He doesn't want to waste THAT much time humouring her. She takes him outside and shows him the Moth

Back on top of the castle, Vlad sticks it to Kai and guzzles his protoblood. They continue their intercourse - I mean their verbal intercourse you perverts!

Vlad didn't know the Divine Shadow was killed by Kai! She appears slightly stunned at this news. I don't see why though. Since Vlad killed the Time Prophet, shouldn't she be aware of this, unless as with the Delphic Oracle, Vlad in her vain superiority neglected to specifically inquire about this and thus the TP did not reveal it to her.

Although there is no purpose in her carrying on with the Divine Order now defunct, she's not deterred and thinks there'll still be pleasure in her plan of destruction. She is much more like the Divine Shadow, with her capacity to feel joy/satisfaction at destroying all living humanity.

At any rate, that information seems to throw her off stride long enough for Kai to break her hold on him again. He falls all the way down to the ground while Vlad makes use of her wings and flies down into her basement lair again, to fetch the rest of the protoblood.

Xev asks van Helsing to take the other Moth away (to keep Vlad from getting it of course) and he obliges, humming a tune while flying the second Moth away. He's getting to kind of like this.
Xev lands and finds Kai. He's very weak now, since most of his protoblood is drained. Xev half carries /drags Kai back to the Moth. The surrounding wolves are getting excited imagining that mealtime is near. Xev utters a cluster lizard growl which shuts them up right enough. I was expecting to hear some whining here.

Vlad flies into van Helsing's Moth and throws him out! poor bugger.

Xev radios to Stan that she's on the way with Kai and that he'll have to destroy the planet but not to destroy any approaching Moths. Naturally Vlad arrives in her stolen Moth, and without ceremony she bites poor Stan and infects him with the parablood again .. back to being a mindless ninny! (This is actually getting to be a slightly overused device in Lexx, as watchers will recall Stanley being taken over by Wist and her satellite worms in Eating Pattern, and by the spider in The Web).

Although she licks Stanley, she refuses to bite him again, when he asks. What is it with guys - they just love these teasing, witholding bitches! Xev arrives, half carrying and half dragging the incapacitated Kai. Vlad glides down on her wings and confronts them now, with Stanley helping to hold Kai up so Vlad can suck him off to the finish.

Xev hits Vlad, who is intrigued by Xev's strength. Xev runs when Kai tells her to, but this merely excites Vlad, who again, clearly is different from the Assassins, and takes pleasure in the hunting of her job.

Kai tries to get through to Stanley. He persuades Stan that if he is frozen, he can't do anything to Vlad. Stanley, foot holding Kai down, thinks that sounds right so he complies and drags Kai to the cryochamber intending to pop him back into his pod, and maybe earn another bite from QueenSlutMuffin.

Xev flees through the Lexx corridors trying to escape Vlad. But the QueenBitch is lightening fast. She toys with Xev first, then catches and bites her.
Xev gets a totally goofy dreamy look, and agrees with Vlad, "I'm yours, forever."

Stanley is dragging Kai into the cryochamber. He gloats over Kai's prone body (getting him back for that disgusting kiss no doubt) and says "Your time is almost up, our Lady is coming for you." Stan holds Kai up so Vlad can finish her vampiric blow job.

Kai insists she won't have him. Her 'Little Vlad' extends again as she demands he tell her that he loves her. Stanley, all caught up in the moment, croons back at her, "I looove you." Vlad is too intent upon Kai to bother telling Stan that she wasn't talking to him!

Xev, who's been shamming all along, goes cluster lizard and knocks Vlad into the cryochamber and the lid closes. Xev triumphantly tells her she was NEVER her slave!

Stanley's two natures war with each other again and there is immediate danger that his slave part is going to let her out!

Xev tells him what Father Borscht said about light not being dimmed in a person with a pure heart. Stanley's infected self is certain that he doesn't have a pure heart, but Xev insists that he does, and backs it up with her fist. Poor Stan, he's been on the deck twice just this episode. (I bet male Lexx fans find this just so sweet and adorable when Xev does this... with her cute little 12 year old voice, and not quite so appealing when hardened, mercenary, grasping, cock-teasing SlutMuffy did the same.)

Kai fills up on protoblood while 790 again cleanses Stanley's blood. It's interesting that Xev's ClusterLizard altered blood is immune to the Divine Executioner's parablood venom. Perhaps the Divine Shadow used his pets to also keep the D.E.'s in line in case one of them ever got out of whack. That's the problem with being a tyrant, you always have to watch out for renegades and rebels.

Personally, having made this discovery, I think they should have 790 go to work on developing a parablood vaccine from Xev's blood plasma, which would certainly make life (okay, death!) easier on Kai.

For now, Vlad is on ice. But with a villain this remarkable, I'm expecting we have not seen the last of her just yet.