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Wake The Dead

As Five teenagers on a weekend trip to a party planet set their cryopods to wake them when they arrive a couple of days later. There are three boys and two girls, with all the necessary characteristics between them needed to pull off that teenage thing. There is Enochs, the arrogant boy who loves himself too much; Laleen, the tarty girl who loves everyone too much; Tad and Katana, boyfriend and girlfriend, and Gibble the fat kid who is only their friend because it's his dad's shuttle. Lexx picks up their wake-up signal. Their alarm clock never went off. They have now been drifting for 300 years. Xev, who is as up for adventure as ever, wants Stan to come with her to investigate the shuttle, (which is made of two old VW camper vans stuck together) but, being a coward, Stan refuses and tells her to take Kai instead. But as Xev says, "we can't wake him up for every little thing", so she goes alone. The teenagers are still in their pods, and are rather suprised to find they have overslept to such a degree. They are completely inept at anything technical, and rather than setting a wake up call, they managed to record a video instead. Xev takes them back to the Lexx - after all, their planet is gone (victim of the Lexx's reign of terror under His Divine Shadow) and they have nowhere else to go. Stan shows them around the Lexx, making it perfectly clear that he is the big boss man around here. Laleen thinks this is great and Stanley actually gets chatted up, for once in his life. Stan shows them the cryochamber, where Kai is still in stasis, and warns them not to go near him. The girl who was chatting up Stan seems to like Kai also - "Major Babe Alert" - as she puts it. The boys seem more interested in what Kai can do than how he looks, so Stan get's Xev to get rid of them to the galley, before they can cause any trouble. Gibble, the fat kid, thinks Lexx's green goo is wonderful, The others are not so sure, and head back to the bridge. Tad asks Xev to show him where the toilet is, which she does. The toilets on the Lexx are an interesting concept, being more like a big mouth which you sit on. The mouth also has a tongue, so lets just say there is no need for toilet tissue on the Lexx. Tad decides he doesn't need to go that much. Back on the bridge, Enochs produces a bag of gongsplangers, some kind of party drug, and some booze. Even Stan 'joins in' the fun, looking like everyone's dad at a disco hiding in the corner. Gibble is in charge of holding the gongsplangers, but is desperate to go to the toilet. Being clumsy, he manages to drop them down the loo. On the bridge, Enochs is getting a little angry. Laleen is all over Stan, Xev shows not the slightest bit of interest in him, and Tad and Katana are getting on his nerves. No-one really likes Enochs at all - he's just a bit too obnoxious for his own good - and now he's getting it back from Tad and the others. He leaves the bridge and wanders off on his own. The rest of the gang have finished partying by this time, and are heading for bed. Tad and Katana have an arguement about why she won't sleep with him (she's still a virgin) and Tad storms off. A few minutes later, Katana finds him trying it on with a very unimpressed Xev in her bedroom, to which she storms out. It's all very teenage really. In the meantime, Enochs has found his way back to the Cryochamber, and is spray-painting Tad's logo on Kai's pod. At this point Gibble finds him, and Enochs decides it's time to try and wake Kai up. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to work the controls, but he gives them a good poke about anyway. Failing to wake Kai, he comes back to the pod and tells the still frozen Kai to kill Tad...kill Laleen... take a good bite out of Gibble... kill Katana... kill Stan 'coz he's over 30... kill Xev 'coz she doesn't know a good thing when she sees it... in fact, kill everyone. Do some quick... some slow... be sick... have fun... go on a major psycho rampage... Stan walks in. Stan is not pleased. Stan sends both boys away, and resets the controls where they have been meddling. Then Stan leaves. The crypod is left alone, but Kai has been disturbed. And when he opens his eyes, they glow green... Tad has finally given in to the fact that he needs to go to the toilet. Sitting there in a ll his glory, he tries to contact Katana on the "blabber" walkie-talkies they all have. Katana has gone in to accuse Xev of trying to steal Tad, but Xev explained it was him, not her, who started it, and the girls are now having a nice sisterly chat. Katana hears Tad's protestations of love across her blabber, but ignores them. Tad, still sitting on the loo, hears another voice come across the airwaves, mimicing his own. "Enochs, you are so dead, man" he says. "No, you are soooo dead, man..." says Kai, appearing from the toilet next door, not looking quite himself... Laleen is wandering through the ship, trying to find her way back to the bridge, when she hears someone calling her name. A tap on her neck makes her jump, but it's only Stanley, her hero... After chasing each other round the bedroom, Laleen says she wants a shower, after all it'll be better after a shower, and leave Stan on the bed, getting excited all by himself. Gibble has a nasty turn in the toilet when he finds it full of Tad's feet. Convinced he's killed Tad by dropping the drugs down the toilet and making it stoned, he runs in tears to Enochs, who suggests he "go eat some food 'coz it'll make you feel better". Gibble goes to the galley and orders a lot of food. But he's not the only one in there. As he struggles to lift his spoon out of the bowl, he realises it's not the weight of food that's making it difficult, but the hand in the bowl holding the spoon from underneath. As Kai says, "when you wake the dead, custom dictates you join 'em"... Katana is looking for Tad when she wanders in to the galley to find Gibble strung up on the ceiling full of food. Screaming, she runs to find Xev. Laleen is in the shower, making the most of the hot running water after 300 years. She hears Stan call toher, but tells him to wait, like she said. But "It's not Stan", replies Kai... Katana shows Xev and Enochs the body of Gibble in the galley. "He killed himself!" reckons Enochs, realising that Gibble wasn't joking about Tad. They find Tad, still in the toilet, and are alerted by Stan shouting "Laleen". When they arrive at the shower, it's already too late. Kai is in the depths of the Lexx. "What are you doing? Waking the dead assasin - what does it look like? What does it look like? Be sick! Have fun! Go on a major psycho rampage!..." he is repeating to himself. His hair is flying loose and he falls over. Kai is not well... "Oh no" says Enochs, realising what has happened. "Who did you tell him to kill?" asks Stan. "Everyone" says Enochs. It is decided that the only way to escape is to abandon the Lexx and leave on the kids' shuttle. As they head for the moths, however, Enochs feels a tap on his shoulder. Kai breaks his neck and then lets himself down from the ceiling where he's been hanging. Their only hope is to split up. Stan takes Katana to a moth and throws her inside while Xev heads for the bridge, trying to lure Kai away. Katana flies the moth out of the Lexx and heads for the shuttle while Stan goes back to find Xev. As Katana nears the shuttle, she feels a hand on her neck. "Going my way?" asks Kai... Stan and Xav meet on the bridge as the song of the Brunnen-G echos over the com-link from the moth. "I'm coming back!" says Kai. "Lexx, blow up that moth!" yells Stan, as Lexx's "eyes" glow red and shoot a beam of energy towards the moth, taking out the shuttle entirely. "He's gone!" cheers Stan. "He's gone?" says Xev. "I'm sorry", says Stan, "but there was nothing else we could do". "I know", Xev replies, crying. "I have killed mothers with their children, great philosophers, brave young warriors, the good, the evil, the intelligent, the weak, and the beautiful," Kai appears on the bridge "And it seems, the fun never stops!!" "Who's first?", he demands. "Me!" says Stan, "No, me!" shouts Xev. "Aaah, sweet! maybe I'll take a little bit of each!" Kai is waving a large knife, and closing on them. They are backed up against a wall, and Kai takes a swing... and stops dead "He ran out of protoblood" Xev deduces. "Good timing Kai", says Stan. Back in the cryochamber, someone has sorted Kai's hair out, and Stan is reprogramming the controls to try and sort out the corrupted programming. Xev administers more protoblood, and Stan switches on the machine. "This should do it..." Kai leans forward and grabs their shoulders. "Be careful how you wake me"