Samchorage Issues Ultimatum
Wendorra La Vella and Jollywood Urged to Respond

APRIL 29, 2002 - In an impromptu press conference at the Samokritzg today, the President of Samchorage expressed his frustration at the slow progress of Neorikspolitik, the process by which the limitations of the Riksholm Treaty would be renegotiated. He placed responsibility for the delay squarely on the shoulders of the Queen of Wendorra la Vella and the Commisar of Jollywood, as Neorikspolitik requires all nations limited by the Treaty to agree on renegotiations. After four months of campaigning, only Wendorra la Vella and Jollywood have not agreed on Neorikspolitik.

For over a month, the President has sent diplomats to meet both the Queen and the Commisar. However, not a single attempt was successful. Some insiders rumour that the Queen is busy adding to her collection of shoes, already numbering in the thousands, and cannot be disturbed. Others report that the Commisar is currently incapcitated after overdosing on 'medicinal' marijuana.

During the conference, the President announced his intention to step up the diplomatic campaign by flying more officials to both Wendorra La Vella and Jollywood. He also asked other nations attempt to contact the Queen and the Commisar as well. However, at the end of the conference, the President issued a surprise ultimatum to the two countries.

The Principat de Wendorra la Vella and the United Soviet Socialist Republics of Jollywood have three weeks to respond to the Samchoragean request concerning whether or not they agree or disagree to the process of Neorikspolitik. If a country does not respond by 1:00 PM May 20, 2002, it shall be at war with the Republican Empire of Samchorage.

After the conference, one of the President's aides noted that the ultimatum was made public weeks in advance in the hope that the international community would understand Samchoragean military action later in May, if it is indeed warranted.