I’ve sunk into myself again
But failed to sink completely
So I’m at some surface middle deep beyond any dream
I’ve realized what I came for but can’t quite grasp it
It’s as if everything I touch slowly slides out between my clutching fingers
I see it there beyond the fading twisting turning form, the worm of my worldly body
Shaking the dust of my thoughts, its shell, off its ardent viscera
And underneath, just beyond…
A mass glowing hungry glowing real
The image is not denied, I do not shield my eyes, I’ve not closed them
But I do not search
The worm is trying to strangle, does it not see that it is failing
With every twisted breath every twisted stretch
Every tightened squeeze
It cannot hold

Seething anger, sadness blue, a pulsing happiness spreading out into
The very ends of my shaking fingers
I reach up in a naked stupor
To touch the skin upon my face
As it sinks away I remember
I am not the only one

Here sitting in the angry sun
My toes are being baked
Infected with a dancing shudder
Bringing my head up to the surface for that split second realization
Before it sends me reeling again

I’ve sunk again into the soil of my emotion
Sowing seeds of discontent and fear
So many thorns and dry to choke them
Only the strong flourish in the ageless garden
Here in the middle deep somewhere looking out across the planetesimals
A belief only shared with those who’ve stopped searching
Those who just know it’s enough to swim slowly against the current
Not to strain or to gain…losing the self, losing pleasure and pain
Not wanting to find it again
Just hungry for the comfort of finally stepping through
Changing
Waking
Opening

The need for it is inherent not controlled
It is not physical or mental
And it bends emotion into all things past
Slipping my skin into a warm womb of a flowing river
I ready my eyes for whatever is to come falling from the up or swarming in from the down
I never could have prepared for this
My eyes are seared
My eyes are blind

I’ve finally begun to see