AUTHOR'S NOTE: All opinions and thoughts in this folder belong solely to me and the little dwarves that come out of my closet at night, poke me in the belly and go "WHOO!". If any of the material offends you, you are entitled to get your OWN DAMN FOLDER! Thank you.

-Leave a nicely gift wrapped box somewhere fairly obvious. In the box place, along with a note: a lightbulb. Your note should read, "This is a gift from me to you. Please leave me an equally useless gift and hide it at (insert a place you know of where no one else will go). Thank you for taking part in this random silliness initiative." If whoever recieves the gift leaves you another one, track them down and marry this person immediately.

-Write something nonsensical on a piece of paper, like "!Dios Mio! El Hefes!" or "Look, but don't read." Make 100 copies. Wait for a windy day and throw all 100 copies to the wind. Try not to get arrested.

-If you really hate someone, keep a running list of ways to kill them. Be creative. Add to it daily.

-Learn to play the guitar. Get booked at the school talent show. Pick the biggest bitch/asshole in the school and dedicate Screeching Weasel's "Nobody likes you" to them in front of the whole school. It's a rare punk song with no swearing so hapless administrators can do nothing to stop you!!HA HA HAAAA!!!note

-Read a bible verse every day when you wake up in the morning. Repeat the verse to every human or dog who pays attention to you, Say you are on a mission to eradicate Satan's little helpers roaming the Earth posing as productive citizens. Instruct everyone to memorize and repeat your verse. If they refuse or laugh at you, tell them that God was going to personally forgive them for their sins, but it's too late now. Create as much shame as possible.

-Go to a small mall or resturant and cover all the car door handles in the parking lot with Vaseline. Go inside and sell latex gloves for $3. Tell everyone that latex gloves have many beneficial uses. Laugh at the fools who do not heed your advice.

-Call up numbers in the phone book at random. If you get an answering machine, mumble incomprehensively, then say "choad muffins" and hang up. If you get a real live person, say "choad muffins" and THEN mumble incomprehensively. Don't forget to hang up.

-On Halloween, pass out litle pieces of paper with philosophical statements such as, "If Satan is God's enemy, and America is a land of God, then why do good, decent American children such as yourself participate in this wicked holiday, trading pieces of your soul away for mere candy?"

-Take free stuff from fast food resturants daily: napkins, straws, ketchup, salt, etc. Horde them in your house. When you've accumulated enough, repackage them and sell them back to the resturants.

-Whenever someone calls your house with the wrong number, say "You want to talk to Steve? Oh, I'm sorry, Steve is dead..."

-Carry a useless item like a happy meal toy with you wherever you go. When you see someone you are attracted to, but don't know and will probably never meet, console yourself with your toy. It will never reject you or ridicule you in public. And hey, who needs people when you can amuse yourself with cheap plastic? Good old reliable plastic.

-Never let a day go by without comitting a harmless but conspicuous act of violence. Kick over a chair, throw a book across the room. Be creative!

-When you're really, really mad, don't hesitate to destroy something that's not yours.

-Next time you're in Kroger's, grab a loaf of bread. SQUEEEEZE. Put it back. You know you want to.

-When some dipshit asks, "Yo dawg, you wanna' fight/throw down/go?" Say, "No, I'm kinda' non-violent. It was the way I was raised. See, my dad always-" and suddenly break his nose. He'll never see it coming.

-Choose a silent moment in your least favorite class to stand up and say, "This is a big, fat waste of my time!" When you are punished, cyinically grumble, "Oh sure, kill the messenger."

-Keep pointing out inconsequential faults to everyone, such as "Y'know, your nose is weird" or, "Your handwriting really sucks." See how long it takes to break them.

-If you ever go hunting for fun, occasionally shoot yourself in the foot to remind yourself what a sick, twisted bastard you are.

-A good way to make girls mad: Come up behind them and kick 'em real hard in the ass. Note: guys don't like this either.

Make a little jingle that everyone likes. Repeat it constantly until everyone hates it.

Repeatable jingle: Spaghetti(2 people)

-The next time someone tells you that the world will end soon, point at them and laugh. Sigh with mirth, then wipe away a tear. Nod and agree with them.

-Go to a haunted house. Wait until a "monster" jumps out at you and hit him in the face. Apologize, saying he scared you.

-Do this with a friend: When you're both on a plane, tap your friend on the shoulder and point to the wing. Your friend should then whisper something frantically to you, at which point you should blurt out, "Tell the stewardess?! What the hell's she gonna' do, go out on the wing and fix it herself?!" This scares the shit out of eavesdroppers.

-Carry a fountain pen and poke holes in everything you can. If harassed or threatened with charges, say it's art, since you're doing it with a pen. Try to get the NEA to fund you.

-Why the hell does Crayola still carry the color "indian red"? How come there's no "negro brown", "asian yellow", or "hispanic tan"? Speak out, minorities! Demand your own racist crayon!