Harold: . . .
Now one fine night they leave the pool hall
headin' for the dance at the Armory
Libertine men and scarlet women and ragtime
Shameless music that'll grab your son, your daughter
into the arms of a jungle animal instinct- massteria!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground, trouble!

Townspeople: Oh, we got trouble!

Harold: Right here in River City!

Townspeople: Right here in River City!

Harold: With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P"
and that stands for "pool".

Townspeople: That stands for "pool".

Harold: We surely got trouble.

Townspeople: We surely got trouble.

Harold: Right here in River City

Townspeople: Right here--

Harold: Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school.

Townspeople: Our children's children gonna have trouble,
Trouble, trouble, trouble...

Harold: Mothers of River City,
heed this warning before it's too late
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption
The minute your son leaves the house
does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corncrib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes
from Cap'n Billy's Whizbang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like- swell?
And- "so's your old man"?

Well if so, my friends

Ya got trouble

Townspeople: Oh, we got trouble.

Harold: Right here in River City.

Townspeople: Right here in River City.

Harold: With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P"
and that stands for "pool"

Townspeople: That stands for "pool".

Harold: We've surely got trouble.

Townspeople: We surely got trouble.

Harold: Right here in River City.

Townspeople: Right here--

Harold: Remember the Maine, 
Plymouth Rock, and the Golden Rule!
All: Our children's children gonna have trouble,
Townspeople: Trouble, trouble, trouble...
Harold: Oho, we got trouble
We're in terrible, terrible trouble
That game with the fifteen numbered balls is the devil's tool.

Townspeople: Devil's tool

Harold: Yes, we've got trouble, trouble, trouble

Townspeople: Oh, yes, we got trouble here, 
we got big, big trouble

Harold: With a "T"

Townspeople: With a capital "T"

Harold: And that rhymes with "P"

Townspeople: That rhymes with "P"

Harold: And that stands for "pool"!

Townspeople: That stands for "pool"!

Harold: Remember, my friends, listen to me,
because I pass this way but once!