The Pagan Heart
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November-December 2005 Issue
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Death and Finances
By Catherine M.
I am going to leap forward a few years this issue as the other night my children astounded me with something I would like to share. This is the winter solstice, a time of death and rebirth, of cycles ending and beginning. In our home we experienced a smaller version of this when the first pet died. My girls are currently three-and-a-half and we've just begun the whole chores and pocket money thing. Each day they get to mark off on a white board the chores they completed. At the end of the week we tally up how many boxes got coloured in and they get paid ten cents a box. I should add that these chores are separate to their expected share of the household work (in as much as a three-year-old can pitch in). These are specific things that have been given the title of "job". At the end of the first week they'd both earnt $2.10 and that Saturday they happily blew the lot on some toys at the local discount store. At the same time they were a little sad as they'd both seen toys they really wanted but couldn't afford. But overall they were content. Then we got a free fishbowl, rocks, and fishfood, courtesy of FreeCycle (which I love) and the discussion of fish raised its head. The girls both broached the topic with the idea that maybe they could use their pocket money to buy fishies for the fishbowl... "What about the playdoh pony and the pegasus?" I asked - those being the bemoaned expensive toys. End of discussion until a few days later when out of the blue I hear, "How much does a fishie cost?" Off to the pet shop we go where we discover that said fishie is an extremely cheap 12 cents (13 with sales tax). This opens up the conversation of is that less than our pocket money and will there be enough left over for the pony and pegasus...already I am feeling a little shell-shocked at the hard-nosed negotiation tactics going on. But I recover and try to explain that no, the pegasus and pony are more than one week's pocket money - they are about 3 or 4 Saturday's worth. You could have knocked me over when one of them added that maybe they could buy their fishies and save the rest for something else. But I happily agreed - we'd been planning to get them some fish this solstice, and here I was only needing to buy a little air pump rather than the whole kit and kaboodle since between the girls and FreeCycle I had everything else. $8 later we were home with some fishies. The next two weeks my girls happily did their chores every day and coloured in their little boxes every day. But the next Saturday when I went to give them their pocket money they demured and I forgot. Then we had a tragedy - "Sleeping Beauty", Briannah's fish, died. Belly up, eyeballs eaten, stone-cold dead. Upon the discovery of the fish the following conversation, pretty much verbatim, ensued. Yes, I sat and typed it out rather than crouched and held my sobbing child. What a harsh mother...wait, my little girl wasn't sobbing, or even particularly upset. Erin: "Mumma, what's wrong with Briannah's fishie?"
At this point I stopped typing because I was laughing too much, and I don't recall the rest of the conversation. The next morning Briannah wandered out into the loungeroom and looked into the tank - after a slight pause she asked if she has enough money to buy a new fishie. I replied that with all her pocket money that she hasn't spent (about $4.10 right now) that she certainly did. And since the next day will be Saturday, she'll have her next lot of pocket money as well. So we made plans to go to the Pet Store and get a new fish. Briannah snuggled up on my lap after that and told me she missed her fishie but she was happy because her fishie had fed all those bugs and now they were all strong and happy. And that her fishie was happy too she was all broken and that wasn't nice, so being dead felt much better and she got to help all the bugs. Okay. After our trip to buy "Snow White" - who was apparently delighted to meet "Princess Ariel" her new sister (noticing the theme here? You don't want to know what the snails are called!) - I remind the girls that they have about $6 each and ask if they want to go to the toy store or second-hand bookshop, but neither seems interested. It wasn't until this week that I found out why. On Friday morning they waited until I had my coffee and then clambered up onto my lap and stroked my face - this usually indicates something is up. What came next was unexpected - a request to go to the toystore on Saturday as it was the number 4 Saturday and they'd saved their money for 4 Saturdays and now they had enough to buy the playdoh pony Briannah wanted and the pegasus Erin had her heart set on. When did my little girls develop both the ability to process death that way and the conceptual understanding of money and saving? Because they revealed both in the same month and I am still reeling from it. They probably don't get death on the same level I do, but they get it. They know it's an end, and that what dies does not get up again and play with us (unless you bury it in the Pet Cemetary I suppose, but that's a whole 'nother story!). Briannah saw her fish's death as an end to pain and a way to help others live. So simple and so right. And they figured out the whole concept of delayed gratification. I still struggle with that at times! Every day they show me anew how aware and thoughtful children can be if we let them. And I wonder what else they are showing and teaching me without me even realising it? It really is a two-way street, this parenting thing.
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