The Pagan Heart
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August-September 2005 Issue
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The Sound of Colic
By Catherine M.
The Equinox is upon us. A time of balance, weighing the scales, and assessing how we are going. This time three years ago, I was weighing the scales as a new mother. My daughters were about five months old, and I was deep in a world of colic, poopy nappies, and nursing strikes. My life did not feel very balanced at all. Today I look back at it and I can see that despite how it felt from that side of time, the balance was pretty good. Even the colic had its place. We've all heard about colic - the constant crying. The discomfit. The debate as to whether it's gas, or cramps, or spoiled baby, or nerves, or something else. Secretly, I bet most colic-free people don't really believe in colic. The parents are doing something wrong. Or they got a "bad" baby. Or something. I mean, it's a baby - you feed it, change it, swaddle it, cuddle it, and let it sleep...right? How hard can it be to get it right? Afterall, everyone knows that babies sleep like...well...babies. Yeah, sure they do. I bet that whoever coined the phrase "sleep like a baby" was not a parent. Sleep like a teenager is more what they meant. Or the parent of a newborn who has had Mary Poppins arrive on the doorstep, day six of the first week of two hourly feedings. Babies, contrary to belief, are not big sleepers. They sleep a few hours at a time. Sometimes it takes an hour to get them to sleep and they're awake 45 minutes later wet and fussy. Or they won't eat no matter what you do, so an hour after you put them down up they bounce back up screaming because their little tummies are empty. Babies do not sleep. Colicky babies sleep even less. I learnt all about colic with Erin. At not even three weeks she began to show signs. By five weeks it was full blown. And it wasn't like I was doing something wrong - her twin was sleeping 6 hours through by six weeks. Briannah was a breeze - easy to feed, burp, change, bathe, and put to sleep. That girl liked her sleep. As far as babies go, she did sleep. Erin was a different matter. Fragile and nervous would best describe her most of the time. Unable to deal with strange faces - or even familiar faces a lot of the time - she was most happy burrowed into my chest in a sling or carrier. Despite the whole "small babies shouldn't be worn vertical" thing, we learnt very early that often that was the only way Erin could be worn. And worn she had to be if she and I were to have any peace. Colic is a very real condition, despite the fuzzy nature of exactly what it is. A couple of hours or more of inexplicable crying for three or more days a week. Often accompanied by seeming discomfit and gassiness. Very descriptive, isn't it? No tried and true rememdy either. What works now won't in ten minutes, let alone at 2am. Colic has to be endured and outlasted. Erin spent hours every day crying. The only thing that would soothe her was being worn by Mummy - which didn't exactly soothe Mummy who'd been wearing Erin for hours already! The interesting thing was that while her crying would frustrate me and leave me in tears sometimes, it was usually because Erin was so upset. Not because I was being driven mad by the constant unceasing demand. Oh there were days were I was climbing the walls. But most of the time I was distressed because this tiny creature who clearly depended so greatly upon me was herself so distressed and inconsolable. I endured nine or ten months of colic - Erin grew out of it somewhere around eleven months - and I survived. But more than that, I survived with a child who is happy, confident, self-assured, and independent. She is still fragile and nervous in some ways, but she has developed skills to help her cope with that rather than having it define who she is. Erin taught me a very significant lesson about myself as a mother. Something I may have preferred not to have learnt in that fashion, but an invaluable lesson nonetheless. When it comes to my children I am stronger than I ever thought possible. And her sister, Briannah, taught me that it was not my fault Erin had colic. I was not a bad mother. Seeing Briannah flourishing gave me the confidence and strength to continue - even on the days where Erin's colic last more than a "few" hours. Try 23 on for size. The balance was there - I could have easily followed Erin down that path of fear and pain, compounding the situation and worsening it for us all. And with no fault to anyone. Colic is a soul-destroying experience for a parent. But the presence of Briannah, my healer-child, helped me to keep perspective and find joy through the majority of that time. She gave me the strength I needed to bring Erin through it, and to care for her as well. We make a wonderful triad. The three years between our first Autumnal Equinox and this have shown me I am a very good mother - and my children are wonderful kids - and it is how we work together that has made us who we are today. |
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