The Pagan Heart
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January-February 2006 Issue
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Definitions
By NiteSage
My father has known what I believe spiritually, without having any of the terms connected with it, from almost the beginning. When I visited with him recently and mentioned that I had begun writing these articles I used the word Pagan without much thought to it. He and my stepmother were shocked and horrified that I had become a member of this violent and dangerous motorcycle gang. For those of you too young to remember; this was the Philly area version of the Hell's Angels back in the 70's. I know it's funny, and I had to laugh but to them it was very serious and distressing. Though once I managed to get the confusion cleared up my being a witch was a relief. Still their understanding is very limited. I get the impression that what they think I am is a modern hippy minus the drug use. My mother is a whole different can of worms. Though I have explained what I believe and what I do to practice in great depth and many times it is meaningless. To her what I believe is irrelevant since I am being deceived by Satan and everything I believe is a lie. I'm sure all of you who have been what we are for even a year have run into someone like my mother. For her to accept what I am means she has to betray what she believes. There is no intellectual argument that will change her mind. The best I can do is to try to live a moral life and by my actions demonstrate that she is the one who is wrong. Do I think it will work? No, not really. I usually say when one of us asks that I was a witch first, then became a Wiccan for awhile, and am now a Pagan as well as a eclectic witch. What I mean by this and what the person I am speaking to understands are often very different. So I will define my terms. To me a witch is someone who uses spell-type forms to create results. One can be born a witch by my definition. One can be a Christian witch, Jewish witch, etc. A witch does witchcraft just as a wood worker does wood working. Witch to me does not denote a spiritual path but a way of doing something. In my mind and by my definition have been a witch as long as I can remember. To me it is the witch part of a child that puts everything in their mouth to taste it, smells it, tries to put it in their ears and to hear it, sticks it in their diaper to have it close to them for a longer time and against their skin to get to know it. It is the witch who sees the door between world in that little hole in the hedges or the triangle in the swing set. The witch knows that sun tea is better than boiled tea because it is infused with the sun's power, and that the trees sing to us if we listen. Pagan in contrast denotes to me both a spiritual belief and also a connection to a specific community. I was a Christian witch first, then just a witch, but it eventually lead me to being a Pagan. Pagans believe in the Pagan deities, in my view. Pagan as a spiritual belief came first.The most recent thing for me is to be an active participant in the community of Paganism. The younger generation in my family thinks I'm cool and tell their friends about me. The older generation weeps and prays for my soul, but keep their children at a safe distance, as if I were contagious. My friends of course are accepting and interested in my experiences, or they drift away uncomfortable with being around me. Coworkers are either mildly interested - I am a sure cure for boredom - or they are careful to avoid all religious subjects because I will not be quiet about my "shameful" beliefs. I know their religion as well as mine and have had 36 years to hone my arguments. Acquaintances are the worst really. They feel they know you well enough to ask you to cast a love spell for them. It has been my experience that these are the people who don't care what we believe and are only interested in what they can get out of it or us. Their eyes just glaze over when you try to explain the ethical reasons one does not do love spell. The last group is of course strangers. I am "out". My car sports all manner of Pagan bumper stickers. My Tee shirts have Pagan slogans. I have had a few bad reactions in my years. Once while trying to do a meditation in a public park I had a group of teenagers drive me out by throwing stones at me. I came out of work one day to find my car ringed in salt. I can only assume to prevent me from casting "evil" spells on people. But overall most people simply don't seem to care. As long as I'm not knocking on their door disturbing their dinner I appear to at least stay one notch up from the Jehovah Witnesses. It helps to live in a big city of course. People learn that the only way to live amongst so many varieties of people is to accept people as being different. If you don't like it, well it's usually best to keep it to oneself until one gets home. I would also like to believe the way I purport myself has something to do with it. I am unashamed, I do not claim you are wrong for believing differently, and only offer my take if you bring it up. I carry my weight, meet my civic responsibilities, and stay on my side of the fence. I'll give you a jump when your battery's dead, sweep the snow off your car if it's next to mine and I'm going to be out there anyway, and lend you a cup of sugar. Someone once said (forgive me I do not remember who) that you should never appeal to someone's good nature because they may not have one. Always appeal to their self-interest - everyone has that. For me this has worked well. The sense of superiority a person might get for putting me down I try to outweigh with tangible benefits for being decent. The experience that most effects me is when a Pagan of a different path than I wants to challenge the validity of my experiences. I expect ignorance from the uninformed. I am prepared for the hellfire and brimstone Christians. But I have overall had such a warm and loving experience from my fellow Pagans that to be challenged from this corner is surprising and disappointing. Now I am no one's idea of a fluffy bunny.... Though I have reconsidered how I will react to them in the future due to my own recent experience. I am not a newbie but a practitioner of 22 years come February. I am an eclectic. I am just beginning to realize that we are considered a less-than-serious practitioner in some circles. It did make me think. I expect us to be better than the "not-us" (or "them"). Maybe that is unfair of me. We are still humans with a lot to learn. Do I correct newbies in a loving way that encourages them to pursue truth instead of fantasy? Are their wild imaginations not fertile grounds for the Gods to lead them in our direction? Yes it's painful to deal with them sometimes, but are we throwing out the baby with the bath water? As for fluffy bunnies, I have to ask is our world in such fine shape that terroristic optimism is so unnecessary? That is to say is it such a bad thing to have ultra bright white witches out there? Maybe it's not realistic. But then again we believe we create our own reality don't we? That what you put out is what you get back? Is there only one right way? The longer I practice the more questions I have. I don't claim to have the answers. I just have opinions and more and more interesting ideas. This column is called 'Whispers in the Dark'. Someone else who I can't place at the moment once said "you meet yourself when you are alone in the dark". I am an incomplete work, a work in progress. But alone in the dark I am never alone. The whispers I hear are from sweet voices who care about me. They resound in my heart and what family, friend, acquaintance, or stranger thinks just doesn't seem that important. |
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2004-2006