The Pagan Heart
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August-September 2005 Issue
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Coming Out
By Kim Nielson
Coming out as a Pagan I think is probably one of the hardest things about being a Pagan, due to the misconceptions, misinformation, and prejudice you run into once you come out. When I started walking my path I had reservations about making it widely known considering the environment that I live in, and my desire to not be confused with the freaks and weirdoes that you find in Paganism. I wasn't one of them, I was just me, working to support my family, going about my daily life trying to be the best person I possibly could be and I didn't think my spirituality was anyone else's business really. Other people talked about it around the office and I listened and kept quiet about myself. I grew up as a Mormon in Salt Lake City, UT. My whole family was Mormon, as was I during my childhood and early adolescence. It worked for me at the time, and I was content. Things changed once I was about 15 or 16, and that was ok too. From there I was able to find a new path which was more fulfilling to me, and allowed me to be myself without the requisite subservience to men, which was one of my big hang-ups with the LDS religion and Christianity in general. I am happy to be where I am in my life, and today I can say that I stand proud in my choice of spiritual paths. For me, coming out as a Pagan was a really good choice in spite of my reservations. One day while I was at work the subject of religion came up as it did in the normal course of things on occasion. I don't remember exactly what was said, but somehow Paganism had been brought up, and I heard my coworkers discussing the misinformation they had as though it were fact and I felt like I really should say something so I did. I turned to them and said "I'm a Pagan." I'd always been pretty quiet and I'd never joined in a discussion about religion before but I'd always been very nice, considerate and helpful to these people. I went back to my work, but watched them out of the corner of my eye. You could see them turning this over in their heads, trying to reconcile the misinformation they had with this person they knew and liked, and it wasn't really working for them. From the looks on some of their faces they were waiting for me to sprout horns and fangs. I just kept working. After a few minutes that were rather long for me as my insides were feeling a bit twisted up one of the girls looked at me and asked if I was Wiccan. "No, I'm just Pagan," I told her. "Well, what do you believe then," she asked me. And I told her about my beliefs, giving her the disclaimer that while this is what I believe other Pagans might believe differently. I told her that I pay attention to the seasons, and the changes of the seasons are my holidays, gave her (and all the rest of them) a little bit of information on the wheel of the year. I told them that I believe in the energy that exists in everything, and that we are all connected. I told them that I believe in reincarnation, but that many Pagans don't. I also explained that I believe that the female and the male halves are equally important, that there is a duality in everything and that without it nothing would really exist. And I explained that Wicca is to Paganism what Catholicism is to Christianity, merely one way of believing, no more right or wrong than any other and that there are almost as many different ways to believe as there are Pagans. I'm pretty sure there was more to it than that, as the conversation went on for quite a while. I answered questions honestly to the best of my ability, telling them I didn't know some things, because I didn't. After what felt like quite a while of answering questions they finally seemed satisfied. I felt pretty wrung out. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I also felt better after I was finished. I wasn't hiding part of myself anymore, especially one that is so important to me. There were more questions that arose periodically through the time I worked for that company, and I always answered them the best that I could, although there is still plenty I don't know. My co-workers kept talking to me, nobody did anything that caused me harm, and sometimes I could see a sort of respect in their eyes, and I think they might've had some idea of how hard it was for me working in that company of about 300 people being the only Pagan, and being open about it. They always knew they could come to me with questions and I would be as honest as possible with them within my realm of knowledge and I honestly think that it helped some of them be more open-minded. Since then I've picked up a little pentacle ring that I wear all the time. It fits me, since it's out there, but not in your face. I'm not really an in your face person, however, I am open to questions and discussion. There's nothing I like better than sitting over a drink (or a few) with my friends and talking about life, spirituality, and whatever else happens to come up. I feel my connection with the diving every day, and I enjoy who and what I am. I am content with myself, and I know now that when I talk to people about my spirituality (which is not the same as religion) people can see that, and I think it affects them. I hope one day that everyone can experience the freedom that I have found in being truly myself, openly and honestly. May you walk proudly upon your chosen path. |
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