I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME
by Eva Luz Villalon Turrubiates

I didn't even know his name.

I know he was a poor boy. I can remember his old clothes. He told me
how he needed to steal to survive. I can also remember his rough hand.
The hand of a man who works, a man who needs to fight everyday.

I will forever keep the feeling of his touch stored in my own skin. A
rough touch and yet so gentle and so soft. I can remember how he took
my hand in his... how he saved my life, how he put himself on the
line for me. How he led me to a safe place. I know he
understood. I know he could see right through me. He didn't see
the Princess but the woman. The true woman within me. I could
see it in his eyes... the most wonderful and beautiful eyes I've
seen in my life. His look, mischievous and smart. Those deep, brown,
sparkly eyes. When he looked at me I could feel his eyes searching
my heart and my soul.

And when he smiled at me I could see the light shining everywhere.
His gorgeous smile. I never knew what light was like until I saw him
smiling at me. I could see my own reflection in his eyes and never
until then had I really looked at me. No mirror could ever
show my own reflection the way his eyes did. When I saw
myself in his eyes everything was clear for me. I started to
live in the moment I  met him.

Why did he save me? Where did he come from?
If that was fate, then why is he gone now?
Could it be that fate just wanted to let me know what happiness and
love is all about? And once I knew that, fate took him away from me.

He was so handsome... extremely handsome, terribly handsome... his
eyes, his smile, his hair, his body, everything in him was just
perfect. In my eyes he was a wonderful prince. A true prince disguised
as a commoner. Could it be?

But it was more than just that. He was gentle, funny, smart, kind. He
was everything I've always wished for. He was the man I've kept in my
dreams all my life. When I was with him everything was perfect.

I escaped from the palace wishing to find myself, to live my own
life... and I found true love. So little time, we were together for so
little time. A time that I will keep forever in my heart as my most
precious treasure.

Do you trust me?

Those words. HIS words will live forever in my heart. I trusted him,
of course I trusted him, with my heart and soul. So little time and
yet, he saved my life, he showed me a new point of view, he showed me
a whole new world of love, of happiness... he forever changed my life.

And now he is dead. Dead because of me. Dead because of this foolish
Princess. If only I could have been more careful. I trusted him and he
never failed me.... and when he knew I was the Princess, I'm sure he
also trusted me to save his life. And I failed him. Oh, I will never
smile again. I could never find happiness again. Not after knowing
him, and knowing what true happiness is like. The world, this common
and ordinary world was a perfect place, an ideal world when I had him
by my side... when he was with me.

I wonder what my life would have been with him. If he changed me in a
few hours, what could he have done for me in a lifetime?

He held me in his arms only for a moment and yet I felt myself so safe
in his embrace. I liked the feeling of him being so close to me. I was
scared but so pleased. I wanted to stay like that forever. I felt so
good. He was nervous too. How I wish I could feel his warm embrace
now. I wish I could spend the rest of my life with him, feeling him,
hearing his heartbeat. Knowing that he is mine and that I'm his forever.

I didn't even kiss him. We were so close. I
wanted that kiss so badly. I could feel his breath...
my heart was beating faster. I know he liked the sensation
as much as I did. I closed my eyes knowing that I was about
to have my first kiss, and not just any kiss, but the kiss
of the man I loved. I knew I was in heaven.... in heaven with him....

But he was taken away from me. And now he is gone.
Gone forever.
I'm going to cry forever. I will mourn him the rest of my life.
Who can understand my pain? This wound could only be healed by him.

My love, my dear sweet poor boy.... my beloved. You did so much for
me, you gave your life for me... and I couldn't give you anything in
return. You are dead because of me.

Now he will be living in my heart, a place where he will be forever
safe and forever loved. He is now part of my heart. He is now my soul.
He will be my light, my Guardian Angel. I want to hug you, to kiss
you, to caress you... I want to make you happy, to be with you
forever. And I know we're going to be together forever because now you
are living in my heart. Who could take you out of there?

If only I could give him a chance, an opportunity... I would... even
if that would take my life, I would. I would give my life for him. But
I know he's gone...

Maybe someday he will be back. Somehow, some day he will come for me.
He will hold out his hand for mine. He will take me to see the world
with all its wonders. And then we'll be living  in a whole new
world... just him and me. I know I'm only dreaming but I know someday
we are going to be together somehow... together forever.

Love now has a meaning for me...  HE is love. Love
now has a face, a smile, a look, a touch... love has a
voice, a heart, a body, a soul... but sadly my love will
never have a name.

Eva Luz Villalon Turrubiates
2/6/99
Gto