Corny Jokes and Puns
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you." said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says "I've lost my electron!" The other asks "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
A man came around in the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms."
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why such a long face?"
Waiter, waiter, do you have frogs' legs?
Yes sir, I'm afraid I was the victim of a new genetic engineering experiment that went horribly wrong!
Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's fly soup!
Waiter, waiter, this soup's cold!
No it's not sir, it's warm ice cream!
Doctor, doctor!
No, I'm Doctor Smith, Doctor Doctor's in the next surgery!
Doctor, doctor, I keep on seeing spots in front of my eyes!
So you'd better go and see an optician, get your eyes tested, and maybe get some glasses!
Thank you doctor!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
The police!
The police who?
Just open the door or we'll knock it down!
Oh, okay then!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor doctor!
Doctor doctor who?
Doctor doctor there's a fly in my soup!
Okay, come on in then!
