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Marc almost didn't make itinto the Appleseed Cast. Lucky for him, Jason,
the previous bassist for the band evolved into a giant mutant bee and
along with a gang of other equally genetically twisted bugs fought crime
in the greater Kansas City area.
Before Marc joined the Appleseed Cast, he was in a permanent state of
depression over the Super bowl, which is his own fault, considering the
fact that it's the only football game he watches all year, and it was
only in 1995 that he first realized that it was, in fact, a game of football.
God knows whathe thought it was prior to that. In any case, he was not
pleased with this year's installment. "I could live without a brace
of 350-pound goober opening the evening with every vulgarity known to
man," he announced as a team he didn't recognize were entered the
field with, well, noticeable lack of control for prime time. "Potty
mouths," Marc mumbled. Although calling a 350-pound meat head a potty
mouth to his face might not be a great idea.
Anyhow, it was down hill from that point on. The lad was entertained enough
by the Whassup ads (They're a touchstone of American culture) Inspired
by the incredible lack of talent at half time, taste during the commercials,
and lackof beer during the game he dropped everything but his bass and
a bottomless beer bottle (His own invention, soon to be sold at the nearest
Bed Bath and Beyond) he got up and left never to be seen again.. that
is.. until I saw him at 7th Heaven downing shots when he thought no one
was looking. He now spreads his melancholy through AC's newest album,
Low Level Owl: Volume 1.
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The repercussions of the giant mutant bees made their
way to the life of Joshua. Joshua was in a permanent state of depression
after realizing that the only crime his yellow and black striped caped
avenger could fight was VCR repair. Joshua left Manhattan, on sabbatical
he says, but while there was sabbatical on his lips, there was enough-of-this-baloney
in his eyes. Hewas briefly staying at an Overland Park mission for an
unlimited stay preaching salvation to the golf masses.
After having some sort of vision (perhaps just a hallucination? But
aren't allvisions?) of a giant black Buick - half car, half flaming
pumpkin - barreling down a street, and somehow belonging to a cobra
named Richard Nixon he decided that missionary work was not his cup-o-tea
but joining the dot com market that summer was. He dropped his Christian
name of Josuha and continues to only respond to Cobra (Homage to what
he believed to be an omen of sorts).Unfortunately for Cobra, the dot
market ceased to exist a short 14:59 secondsafter he invested and usurped
his 15 minutes of fame.
At this point, the noise in his head was getting louder and had one
last epiphany. "I can't fight the beats. Perhaps I can exercise
them out by banging on things to the sound in my head." Grabbing
only two pieces of drift wood (Highly sought for considering Kansas
is fenced in by the lonely land of Lincoln, voters who preferred a dead
man to Ashcroft for a Senate seat,Jon-Bennette-land, and Timothy McVae
World). Cobra headed to Lawrence Kansas and can now be found at the
University of Kansas' Library downloading AppleseedCast shows from www.ambercrombieandfitch.com.*
*Every word of the last sentence is true.
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Aaron was, and continues to be in a permanent depression over the move
of Buffy to UPN from the WB only a short few months ago. "It's all
subterfuge to cover up the demise of Voyager," he declaims. To which
the obvious reply is, "But you never liked Voyager in the first place."
to which hereplies,"That's beside the point." (Which is what
he always replies when you're right and he's wrong.) This biographer didn't
even bother to point out that Buffy's been on for about forty years now
and he's never watched it once, because that would obviously be beside
the point too. ";The thing is," he says, "if they have
any sense at all, they won't come out with another Trek show right away.
That will build up anticipation for the new show when it does come."I
do have to admit that the lad does watch Voyager, even though he complains
about it a lot. "This woman wouldn'thave gotten into Starfleet Academy,
much less graduated successfully enough tobecome a captain. She makes
every mistake in the book." "And yourfavorite Captain is Kirk,
no doubt," I respond. He sneers. ";Ihave nothing against Kirk
per se -- he was fine for his time -- but the only captain I'd follow
to the ends of the universe is Picard." How he can say that -- that
Kirk was fine for his time -- is beyond me, since Kirk was the biggest
ham on screen ever until they filmed Babe (and my understanding is that
Shatner was up for that part too).
As Aaron rambles I realize I'm asking too many questions, and perhaps
I'm a bit too argumentative. After all, I am trying to conduct an interview
to gather his biography for the fan site. Furthermore, I need to start
sticking to the questions approved by Ed Rose, who severely chewed up
the list of questions Ioriginally submitted. I could only ask him questions
about Star Trek.
Aaron clicked on the remote again and again and again, all the while trying
toignore a fly from above his head. "There is plenty of room in this
house for him to carry on his business but he has to hang out with me."
It was true. The fly seemed to enjoy Aaron's company. Then again, so was
I so I can'treally blame the bug. Click. Click. Click. From Bands on the
Run to Hollywood Squares to Undressed to Fear Factor to Real World to
Weakest Link to Millionaire to Temptation Island 2 to ER to Survivor 3
to the Simpsons. At which point he stops, because if there's nothing else
the two of us can agree on, we do come to amicable terms on good old Homer.
No, this isn't filler since Aaron's past has been mysteriously covered
up and impossible to find any reliable sources <coughEdRosecough>.
What can be assumed is that Aaron's passion for Buffy and their demise
was expressed in hisand Chris's side project "Hundred Hands".
Maybe he will startwatching Buffy next year. I know I will.
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When Chris was younger a wolf raised him. Specifically, Michael J.
Foxs role in Teen Wolf. Come off it. Everyone has
a character in a movie that they wish every night, sobbing into her
pillow- was a real character in her life.<sigh>. Chris sure was
one lucky guy.
Shortly after Chris was kicked outof the pack for not being a team
player he spent his time reading Walden and sucking all the marrow
out of life as a hermit in Montana. (Contrary to popular beleif Thoreau
was not the cause of Chris' permanent state of depression, rather it
was years later watching good ole Michael J. Fox on Spin City. "What
a waste" he told me as he glanced at the moon with puppy dog eyes.)
Anyways, his seclusion was spurred after having nowhere else to go since
Michael J. Fox was busy with Doc Hollywood at the time and he needed
to find a safe place to live after testifying at the P-Diddy Trial.
"I have a lot of thinking to do, He told his friends after
the testimony as he rode off into the sunset to recharge his batteries.
(It was around this time that he had to make the choice to sign onto
DeathRowRecords or Deep Elm)
Chris was left alone up there watching the deleted scenes from DVD
movies he didn't like in the first place. (Can anyone explain why we
all feel compelled to study all the extras when we didn't like the basics?)
Why don't we start getting the deleted scenes from TV shows? What exactly
wasn'tgood enough to get onto the Bette Midler show? Enquiring minds
want to know.
Since then, Chris has been busy balancing the life living under the
whim of circadian rhythms with the life ofa semi-emo rock star. This
mainly entails getting a hold of some secret man whohas the secret password
to the secret site (wwww.theapplseedcast.com). This guy was keeping
it under such tight wraps you'd think he was hiding the location ofthe
Holy Grail. Perhaps the two aren't too far apart.*
*Correction-since this waswritten Chris was stealthy and somehow got
a hold of the secret guy with thesecret password to the secret site
to spill his secretive guts out. This occurredduring a full moon. Coincidence?
I think not.
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