1. Before you write a
letter, answer these questions.
- Why? Why am I writing? What am
I trying to accomplish?
- What? What do I want? What are
my goals?
- Get three blank sheets of
paper.
- On the first sheet write "WHY?
Why am I writing this letter?"
- On the second sheet write
"WHAT? What are my goals in writing this letter?"
- On the third sheet write
"Other Thoughts."
- Brainstorm. Write down your
thoughts. Make lists.
Don’t worry about writing in
sentence or prioritizing. Your goal is to dump your thoughts from
your brain onto these sheets of paper. Write down any additional
ideas and thoughts on the third sheet of paper. You will write down
your important thoughts in less than ten minutes. Do not allow
yourself to obsess about details. You are interested in the Big
Picture.
2. First Letters are Always Drafts
You write letters to:
(1) make a request
(2) clarify an event
(3) decline a request
(4) express appreciation
(5) create a paper trail
Some letters have more than one
purpose. Because letters you write to schools are so important, you
need to do it right.
If you anticipate resistance, you
may begin by telling a story to get the reader's interest. Let’s see
how Kathryn’s mother used the story telling method to begin an
important letter to the school:
- I’d like to share a story
about Kathryn with you. This year, when Kathryn turned four, we
had a birthday party for her. She looked very grown-up in her pink
dress. More than a dozen friends from pre-school and dance class
came to her party. You can imagine what this was like.
- The children were laughing,
singing, shouting, and creating a huge ruckus. We had a big
chocolate birthday cake. The children were covered with icing.
- As we watched our daughter
with her friends, we felt so proud of her. She was laughing,
shouting, giggling with her friends. Only we knew how hard she
worked for this day.
- Kathryn is hard of hearing.
With hearing aids, she can hear at almost the same level as normal
children. But if Kathryn had gone into the public school program
with hearing impaired children, she wouldn’t be able to have a
birthday party with friends who laugh, and sing, and shout.
- In the public school program,
the children don’t learn how to sing or shout or speak. Their
classroom is very quiet. If we had allowed her to attend the
public school program, Kathryn would have learned to communicate
through sign language and lip reading.
- All of Kathryn’s friends
communicate by oral speech, not sign language. Kathryn would not
be able to speak, listen, giggle with her friends.
Do you see how Kathryn’s mother
begins her letter "I’d like to share a story with you . . ."
Gradually, the letter shifts as
the mother makes her case. She leads the reader into agreeing that
placing Kathryn in a class where children don’t speak or listen is
not appropriate.
3. Allow for "cooling off" and
revision time.
After you write the first draft,
put your letter away for a few days. DO NOT SEND IT!
Firing off a letter is one of the
most common mistakes parents make. You must give "cooling off" and
revision time. Later, parents say "But they said I had to respond
right away . . ."
Ninety-nine percent of letters
from the school system DO NOT require you to respond immediately.
A "cooling-off period" allows you
to look at your letter more objectively. If you send a letter without
allowing for "cooling off" and revision time, you’ll probably damage
your credibility and your position. Sometimes, this damage is
impossible to repair.
4. You are always negotiating for
services.
As you are learning, you negotiate
with the school for special education services. If you are
negotiating with the school for special services or with a car dealer
for a car, the principles are the same. You never begin negotiations
by telling the other side what your "bottom line" is.
In negotiations with schools,
parents often make the mistake of being too open. Parents think they
have to share everything with the school - immediately. They hope
that by sharing everything, they’ll be rewarded with the help their
child needs. This doesn’t happen.
You need to share the results of
all evaluations and any other new information with the school, as
soon as you receive it. However, you do not need to share your wish
list or your bottom line.
5. Never threaten. Never telegraph
your punches!
You’ll remember that in the first
chapter of this Tactics section, the parents wrote two letters. In
their first letter, they made several threats. In their second
letter, they made no threats, and told their story in a compelling
way. If you make threats (i.e., "we’re going to call our lawyer"),
you may experience temporary relief but you’ll pay a high price
later.
As a negotiator, one of the most
powerful forces you have on your side is the "Fear of the Unknown."
When you threaten, you are telling the other side what you plan to
do. If you tell them what you plan to do, you have told them how to
protect themselves. At that moment, you lose your advantage - which
is the wonderful, powerful Fear of the Unknown. Never telegraph your
punches – you will destroy their power and effectiveness.
EXAMPLE of Fear of the Unknown
- You went to the doctor to get
the results of your annual physical, including your lab work. As
your doctor, I come in and tell you that:
- The results of your blood work
are very concerning. However, I’m behind schedule right now. We
need to admit you to the hospital as soon as bed space is
available - probably tomorrow or the next day. I don’t have time
to discuss the results with you right now. I’m behind schedule and
have other patients waiting. I’ll be in to talk with you after you
are admitted.
Fear. Panic. What happens now?
You’ll imagine the worst case scenario.
Now, let’s change the facts. You
are at the doctor’s office to get the results of your physical. As
your doctor, I come in and tell you that:
- Some of your blood work is not
clear. It’s probably only ABC and if it is ABC, we have nothing to
worry about. The worst case scenario is that you have XYZ. XZY is
inconvenient but it’s certainly not life threatening. Nine times
out of ten, people have ABC. However, it’s still important for us
to rule out XYZ.
- Unfortunately, we can’t run
the additional tests here. We just aren’t equipped to do it. So,
we need to send you to the hospital where they have more
sophisticated equipment. We can schedule your admission tomorrow
or the next day. This is not so important that we have to do it
today.
Can you feel the difference?
When you know what you’re facing,
is your fear as intense? No.
If you don’t fill in answers – if
you don’t telegraph your punches - then the fear of the unknown will
force the other side to attribute more power to you. Because they’ll
be in the "fear of the unknown," they’ll wonder what you’re going to
do – and they’ll imagine a worst case scenario.
6. Assume that you won’t be able
to resolve your dispute. A special education due process hearing will
be held - and you will not be able to testify or tell your side of
the story.
These are important assumptions.
These assumptions are one of the keys to successful letter writing.
Assume things will get worse. Assume that success in securing
services for your child depends on how well you describe the events
that cause you to write to the school.
A letter you write today may sit
in your child’s file for months or years. If things blow up later,
these letters can be the most compelling evidence in your favor.
Bob’s letter at the beginning of this chapter shows how letters can
work against you.
7. Make your problem unique.
If you are writing a letter about
a specific problem (i.e., a teacher’s refusal to follow an IEP),
present your situation as unique. You want the person who reads your
letter to see your problem as different. You want them to think "Wow!
We’ve never had this problem before!"
By presenting your problem as
unique, you’re trying to avoid "We ALWAYS handle ABC situations this
way. We ALWAYS have handled ABC situations this way. We ALWAYS will
handle ABC situations this way. We can’t make exceptions for you."
If you present your situation as
unique, it won’t be listed in the Bureaucrat’s Big Book of Rules and
Procedures. Remember: bureaucracies are inflexible and rule-bound. By
presenting your situation as unique, you can sometimes get people in
the system to see things differently. If they see things differently,
they may be able to handle things differently.
8. You ARE writing letters to a
Stranger. You are NOT writing letters to the school.
When you write a letter to the
school, you are really writing a "Letter to the Stranger." Why? You
have to assume that someone outside your school system will decide
this issue. This person will have no personal interest in you or your
child. This person won’t care what "program" your child is enrolled
in.
When you write letters, keep this
Stranger in your mind’s eye. Who is this Stranger? What does he look
like? How does he think?
The Stranger is an older person
who has worked hard all his life. He’s conservative, fair, and open
minded. He knows that life is often difficult and unfair. He doesn’t
have much patience with complainers. He’s more sympathetic to people
who have a plan to solve problems. He dresses casually. When he sits
down to read your letter, he sips a cup of tea and lights his pipe.
The Stranger doesn’t know you,
your child, or your situation. Your letter gives you the chance to
sell the Stranger on the justice of your cause. You can describe the
problem and tell the Stranger what should be done to make things
right.
Judges are Strangers. Most judges
aren’t knowledgeable about special education or children with
disabilities. When you write letters, you are also trying to educate
and inform this person.
9. You write business letters to
the school. When you write business letters, you use tactics and
strategy (your brain). You do not demand, threaten, ventilate anger
or frustration (your emotions).
If you are writing an important
letter to the school, you want it to be smooth, polished, and
professional. Begin your letter chronologically and develop it
chronologically. To see how this is done, go back and read the
original "Letter to the Stranger" at the beginning of this section.
The letter began like this:
Dear Mr.
So and So:
We received a letter from you
dated February 1, and were very perplexed by the content.
To put my letter into the proper
context, let me go back to the beginning . . .
Do not attack or express anger.
Resist the urge to take cheap shots.
10. NEVER make judgments.
"What a jerk you were! You didn't
have enough guts to be straight-up with us!"
NO!
NEVER be judgmental. You want the
Stranger to be interested, not anxious. Provide information
logically, then let the Stranger draw conclusions. You want your
Stranger to conclude "What a jerk!"
11. You are telling a story. Write
your letter chronologically. Don’t broach the main issue in the first
paragraph of your letter.
Tell your story chronologically,
weaving in your facts. Your objective is to write a letter than is
interesting, and easy to follow.
Remember, when you write a letter
to the school, this is your chance to "present your case" and tell
your story. The Stranger won’t understand the background or history
unless you provide this information. You can provide background
information very naturally and easily by going back to the beginning
and writing a chronological story.
For example: "On DATE, our son
entered your program because . . .
You can move the clock earlier if
this helps you tell the story. "We realized that our daughter’s
problems were serious when she was unable to communicate with others
by her third birthday."
Where should you begin? Begin
wherever you want. In your mind, you know when things "began." Then,
continue to tell your story: "Then this happened . . . When she
started school . . ."
You are telling a story and you
are using your facts. Select your facts carefully and keep your
opinions to a bare minimum. As you tell the story, you’re planting
seeds in the memories of Strangers who read your letter later. Let
these Strangers water the seeds using their own imaginations!
There is another reason to write
chronologically. If you jump from issue to issue, the reader will get
confused, then frustrated. Readers have negative reactions to people
who write letters that are hard to follow. The Stranger may get angry
at you if he can’t figure out your point. If the Stranger gets
frustrated, he will quit reading – and he’ll blame you for this
frustration. You don’t want this to happen to you.
12. Write letters that are clear
and easy to understand.
Letters provide you with an
opportunity to make your case while you create a positive impression.
An important part of the impression you make will depend on how you
express yourself.
We don’t like to think that our
writing skills need improving. Unless you are a professional writer
or editor, you will need to spend time improving your writing skills
in four areas: clarity, brevity, interest, accuracy.
ALWAYS read your letters aloud.
This is a valuable tip from professional editors. ALWAYS have at
least one outside person read your letters. Your "reader" should be
someone who will tell you the truth, especially when you don’t make
things clear or you need to tone the letter down.
Ask your "reader" to pretend that
he or she is a Stranger. You want your reader to tell you if answered
the three questions we listed at the beginning of this chapter:
- What am I trying to
accomplish?
- What do I want?
- What are my goals?
The answers to these questions
must be clear. After your "Stranger" has read the draft of your
letter, ask the person to answer these questions. If the reader
cannot answer these questions clearly means you haven’t expressed
yourself clearly. Remember: your letter is to the Stranger, not the
special ed supervisor or the building principal. If you find yourself
explaining your real point to the reader, stop, and write down the
explanation. Incorporate this into your letter.
Letter Writing Tips
Make It Clear
It’s incredibly easy to get
side-tracked when writing letters. This is especially true if you’re
feeling upset or emotional. Remember: You’re writing to make a point,
clarify an event, make a request, and create a paper trail. Refer
back to the sheets of paper you used during the brainstorming stage.
Have you answered these three questions?
- Why are you writing?
- What is the point you want to
make?
- What do you want?
Talk out loud. Avoid vague words,
jargon, and long rambling sentences. Use short words when possible.
If you naturally use long words to express yourself, try substituting
short words that mean the same thing. Long rambling letters put
people off because they are hard to read. You don’t want this to
happen. You want the reader, your Stranger, to enjoy reading your
letter.
Make It Short
Say what you have to say. Be
succinct. Most people don’t have the time to read long letters. If
you repeat yourself, you’re wasting the reader’s time and your letter
will generate a negative response. Keep your message short and to the
point.
There is one exception to this
rule. If you are writing a letter to request a due process hearing,
then the letter needs to be a comprehensive "Letter to the Stranger."
This letter should tell story, from the beginning, using visual
imagery.
Make It Alive
Speak directly to the reader. Use
the same words and figures of speech you use in your day-to-day
speech. Think about the Stranger as a real person. Visualize the
Stranger and imagine yourself talking with him about your problems.
This is the person you are writing to. You’re not firing a letter off
to the person who chaired the IEP meeting and didn’t have the courage
to tell you that the school had just suspended your child, as you see
in the example below.
Use words like "you," "we," "us,"
"our" to make your letter more personal. Everyone who reads the
letter will feel that the message is directed at them.
Make it RIGHT
Letters filled with errors are
distracting. Readers get so distracted by misspelled words and poor
grammar that they miss the point. If you send a letter that’s filled
with mistakes, your real message is that you are sloppy and careless.
If you prepare your letter on a computer, it will be easier to read.
The Stranger will thank you for little touches like this.
Your goal is to eliminate all
spelling, grammatical, and formatting errors from your letters. The
problem? We don’t notice our own errors! The solution? Always have at
least one other person proof-read your letters. Try to locate more
than one proof-reader. Buy a book about "How to Write Business
Letters."
Letter writing is an art. A well
written letter is a pleasure to read. It’s also very hard work.