Quotable Breakfast Club Quotes

A collection of things spoken during Breakfast.

"I've got some tits here if you want to use them." --Tommy

"You have to put something in the hole once in a while, or it grows over." --Wendy

"Cody, this is kind of troubling, but you've got cute feet for a guy...they'd look good on a reasonably-attractive fat girl." --Tommy

"Stan, what did you buy at the thrift store this weekend?" --The Blade
"Was it a second-hand artificial vagina?" --Tommy

"What's a phalanx?" --The Blade
"It's a military term....it means a group of soldiers." --Bob
"I thought it was that thing in the back of your throat...that, or that piece of skin between your balls and your butthole." --Tommy

"May a yak with diarrhea shit on your hairy neck." --Cody

"I'll bet he gets more box than a dumpster behind Wal-Mart." --Tommy

"That blew my mind...I've outlived Jimi Hendrix, and what have I really done with my life?" --The Blade
"Well, you haven't drowned in your own vomit." --Tommy

"I just thought of a new song...I Used to Sop Biscuits, But Now I Sop Buns." --Von

"I can't BELIEVE the fat, naked faggot won!" --Survivor Fan Bob

"I lost ten pounds just taking a piss." -- Tiny Mike

"Damn, I'll bet that gash had to be re-bushed. You know how you re-bush a gash, don't you? You stick in a ham-hock and pull out the bone." --Cody

"28AA, pre-teen, hard nipples, come on!" --Russ

"I didn't bother to lick it." --Cheri

"Damn, she's got some damned gash-jewelry down there...come here, Skittle-Puss!." --Russ

"Les, do you have a twat?" --Midget

"I'm sorry. I was massaging my butt and I wasn't listening." --Tommy

"She's got some perky little nipples." -- Russ
"So do you, Russ." --Les

"I'm just waiting for the day when our anchors toss to the traffic guy and he says, 'Well, we're looking pretty good this morning...I'm sitting on top of a bus full of handicapped kids and I've got dynamite strapped to my chest.'" --Tommy

"Tommy, there's a napkin on your keyboard. That's Rod's interview for the 5am show." -- The Blade
"Rod's interviewing a napkin?" --Tommy

"Bless his heart, his nose is full of semen." --Tommy

"I love it when women stick knives in my balls." --Bob

"Bob, want a hummer? I mean, hummus?" --Cheri

"Jane Doe hasn't approveed that effect." --Wendy
"She doesn't get out of her coffin until noon." --Tommy

"It's dust mites." --Cody
"No, it can't be dust mites." --The Blade
"Maybe it's muff-mites." --Cody

"Have you pummelled the padre today?" --The Blade
"No, but I had to do it twice last night before I could go to sleep." --Ike

"It's been so much easier since I stopped caring." --The Blade

"It's not even a hooked-on-heroin, that-bitch-fucked-me-over sad, this is more like a my-gash-hurts sad." --Storr

"Cheri, you're going to let me jump you. The least I can do is finger your bra." --Bob

"I'm usually opposed to discussing my poop, but...." --Cheri

"I'm not gonna feel your pants, man." --The Blade, to Ike

"I couldn't get it out with my tongue, so I had to pick it out with my fingers." --Tiny Mike

"Thank you so much, you sweet, wonderful boy with a giant penis." --JenniBob

"If I could, I'd drag my ass across the ground like a dog." --Tiny Mike

"I want to have a firm turd sometime this week, Blade." --Ike

"Runnin' from my wife...livin' la vida loca." --Tiny Mike, singing

"Don't fuck with me; I have peanut butter." --Midget

"I know how to get out of the way...just like when you're going to fart on me." --Les

"Why am I supposed to slobber him?" --Cheri
"Look, look, look...you slobber him and I'll poke you in the ass." --Tiny Mike
"And this would benefit me how?" --Cheri

"Okay, Mister 'I-don't-come-to-Breakfast-half-the-shitting-time-anymore'." --Les to Ike

"What are you doing this Sunday?" --The Blade
"I'm doing my mom." --Cody

"That was one big turd...I feel dilated and violated." --Les

"I was humping into her crotch and Mike goes, 'uhhhh.'" --Jimmy

"He's hard as a rock!" --Cheri

"Jimmy, if you really want me to sit on your face, I will." --Tiffany

"So this is what it feels like, wearing a skirt." --Jimmy

"I've never heard a queef." --Tiny Mike
"Well, you have to be in the vicinity of a vagina for that." --The Blade

"I have the kind of hands that give guys big egos." --Tiffany
"My ego needs stroking." --Les

"Anything you can't reach the ears from the ass is a barnyard animal." --Les

"Mike's rolling around on the floor yelling, 'He spooged on me!'...and then he farted." --Ike
"Yeah...right atya." --Tiny Mike

"Has anyone ever had sex during a car wash?." --Aimee
"Does masturbation count?" --Tiny Mike

"Remind me to butt-fuck you later." --The Blade
"No...HELL, no." --Tiny Mike

"'Fire in the hole'...that's what I say before I sit on somebody's head and fart." --Midget

"The next break is two minutes, thirty seconds of pure, unadulterated, passionate twat." --Tiny Mike

"You know that 4 Non-Blondes chick? I always thought that if you cleaned her up, knocked some a'them tattoos off of her, and got rid of the dreadlocks, she'd a'been a pretty good-looking broad." --The Blade

"One thing about shrimp...I won't eat it if it's got doo-doo in it." --Midget

"I wish I could be a big famous star so my hair could look like shit." --Storr
"I'm living proof. You don't have to be famous." --The Blade

"I'm getting moist right now." --Cheri

"Mike's got his tee-tee in a knot." --The Blade
"A very SMALL knot." --Aimee

LATER:

"I'll bet the knot in my hair was bigger than the knot in your penis." --Tiffany

"I saw your balls. Stop it." --Tiny Mike

"Just hold it there...cover up the smell of his ass." --Tiffany

"I was on the homosexual." --Tiny Mike

"Jeez, you make one blowing-yourself joke and everybody gets bent out of shape." --Ike
"Sounds like YOU were bent out of shape." --Les

"Let's see what this shitbag's gonna say." --Storr

"I've learned how to squish it just right, so that you can crush it." --Cheri

"All of a sudden there's a rash of goats with small penises." --Les

"I've never been up to my elbow in a cow's asshole." --Tiny Mike
"How deep HAVE you been?" --Midget

"Oh hell fuck it." --Midget

"My fingernails have white stuff on them." --Ashley

"He's pretty crappy for a shitbag." --Storr

"So was it a fake dildo?" --Ashley

"I used to sleep in the shitter." --Storr

"Rock & Jock's not a bad thing...kicks the dick outta Real World." --Storr, while watching MTV (Yes, that's all he does)

"My dad'll kick you in the nuts." --The Blade

"It's nice to have large breasts and work with a bunch of men." --Cheri (sarcastically, we think)

"I offered you a blowjob...I mean, BlowPop." --Ashley's Freudian slip

"Let's amend that: Has George ever gotten laid and not PAID for it?" --The Blade

"I've been drunk all morning and I'm horny." --Cheri

"I had an Uncle Guido." --Rusty
"I had him, too." --Les

"Les, feel that...there's a hump there." --Jimmy

"I was sucking so hard, and I couldn't get it." --Cheri

"Sean Connery's played characters with seedy backsides." --Les

"My, those balls are pretty." --Cody, to Ike

"Does MTV ever play goddamned music any fuckin' more?" --Storr

"I want to see your cock." --Ashley

"Jimmy's having a problem finding a place to lodge his manhood." --Ike

"Just feel free to fill up my damned garbage can, Cody." --Tommy
"How about if I piss in it, too?" --Cody

"When 'dadgum it' isn't an expletive, it's a request." --Ike

"I just tasted my own asshole." --Ike, after belching

"You have two dicks?" --Beaz

"Yeah, mine and the one I'm married to." --Jimmy

"If my hands smell like coochie, it's two-day-old coochie." --Ike

"I gave Les the big pickle." --Jimmy, as he licked his fingers

"I'm craving Hooters." --Ashley

"I don't think I'd screw Robert Schuller." --Bob

"Somehow, I doubt that Robert Schuller takes it up the ass." --The Blade

"I know your hand is getting tired, but it feels sooooo good." --Ashley, to Keith

"Is it, like, coming out in your hand?" --The Blade, to Cheri

"My 'nads were in a tizzy." --Cody

"This joint kicked my soul." --Storr

"My mom wanted to meet him. I was like, 'You horny old woman!'." --Jimmy

"The sides of my penis were raw." --Ike

"I foresee a plaque in your honor. I foresee a designated parking space. I foresee my schlong in your cheek." --Cody

"I'm a loser." --Jimmy

"You're not a loser. You're old." --The Blade

"That's why you sit on your hand for a while, 'til it goes numb...so it feels like someone else is doing it." --Ike

"What am I apologizing for? Christ, SHE farted." --The Blade

"How do you catch herpes in your mouth?" --Ashley

"Go to a Whitesnake concert." --Ike

LATER:

"I've got herpes of the mouth, not the hand." --Ashley

"Somebody just doesn't sound like a happy camper." --Ike

"Ahhh....kiss my ass." --Keith

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