Just when you think getting fruitcakes from a bazillion people was bad enough, say hello to the flu bug. Yes, the flu bug ... and no, it's not the kind that buzzes around and crawls into your shirt. The flu--when I would also like to call the "holiday bio-chain letter"--is not the best stocking stuffer. Just like any chain letter, this kind of chain letter is something that I never like receiving. Who'd like a temperature of a million degrees Fahrenheit with a snot-starched sleeve anyway? I've always gotten sick on Christmas. It's like a tradition or something. No, more like a jinx. No matter how many tablets of vitamin C I took and how many gallons of water I drank, there was always that sore throat that managed to sneak in right before Christmas. Before I knew it, my arms ached and I gagged on the piece of chicken I was chewing. Hopeless, just hopeless. I can arm myself with Tylenol, grape flavored Dimetap, zinc cough drops and a can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup, but there's absolutely NOTHING that I, a germaphobic, can do about it! Well, I haven't tried quarantine gas masks yet, though ... but yeah, it WILL get me in the end. But hey, 'tis the season for sharing, so why not pass on the holiday bio-chain letter to others? (Evil chuckle.) It's really easy--no postage necessary. Here's how to send the holiday bio-chain letter out once you receive one: 1. Find someone to send the "chain letter" to. 2. Found the victim, er, I meant recipient? Good. Now walk up and say "Happy Holidays." 3. Move in within two feet then sneeze, kiss or cough. Don't forget to smile right after. 4. End by saying "Pass it on." Within approximately three days, the holiday bio-chain letter should have been delivered. Pretty soon, they should have red, droopy eyes, a temperature comparable to a barbecue, and be coughing sixty-five miles per hour. Well, then, everybody. Have a nice two week break, Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year. Don't drink and drive and don't forget to wash behind your ears. And (heh heh heh) Happy Holidays. Now pass it on ...