Survivor Slave by J's angel i am a survivor of incest and rape. i have been revictimized several times in my adult life. i never learned how to set up healthy boundries, or how to protect myself from predators. And, i have paid the price for that in full measure. But, i have survived it all. And, i'm proud to say, that i like myself today. i have heard it said that someone with my background cannot truly be a slave because i am only repeating old patterns, not making a choice. This couldn't be any farther from the truth. Everyday i choose J, and this lifestyle. Everyday, i say, to hell with what others think, i will do what makes me happy. What gives me comfort and joy. i cannot claim that my early experiences have nothing to do with my lifestyle choice. Honestly, i think they do. i think i have a natural tendancy to be submissive, and that tendancy turned into a survival skill during my upbringing. Because of that, when i grew up a bit, i got the idea in my head that i was going to be an independant woman. And, so i was. There was only one problem. i was miserable. When i met J, it was the most natural thing in the world to let him take the reins of our relationship, and choose which direction we went. For many years i warred with myself. Feeling torn; should i be the independant woman i had chosen for my destiny, or give into my true destiny, which is servitude? i floundered. J stood by me. Watching me find my path, he also grew up. The boy i loved, grew into the first man i had ever been able to trust. And, an amazing thing happened. i quit fighting, and let nature run its course. i still remember the day i stood trembling before him, and begged him to make me his. It is with great joy, i say that we found ourselves together. Later, looking back, it was easy to see that no matter how hard i had fought, he had always been in control of our relationship. And, i had always wanted him to be. It has taken me years to say this, but, i don't care why i am a slave. i only know that i am. True healing doesn't come from struggling against your nature, but from accepting yourself. i have done so. And, in my chains, i am finally free. © 2004 The Chained angel All Rights Reserved Nothing on this site may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express permission of the owner. Special thanks to the lovely and talented jamie at taryn’s Trinkets for her help with the design of this site!