“You are quite close know”, Jesus answered. “All of those, I call my friends, who came before and after me and the ones to come, they all are also incomplete, by being in wholeness, void of the mess you are in, thus limited by what they see once they are down here. You do not have to ask yourself, why little has been heard from my Creator through his prophets lately? After so many miss-interpretations we think it is best not to show up, seeing the bigger mess, coming out of that. As if you would need any more words from us guys. Anyway working from within wholeness is such a nicer job; although having no physical body sometimes has it’s limitations. But after some time I just was getting so tired of being crucified, shot or stabbed to death, I decided to reside some time in a better heaven.

Maria as being my companion at the time I wandered around on earth and became “famous” after it, had to lift some of my veils, concerning the worldly life, which I hardly understood being a male that time.

I “merely” understood the essence of it, which I tried to explain, that night after diner, the one they call the last one, while washing my disciples' feet, one after the other and finally Maria’s too. They were the cleanest and the most beautiful ones I saw at that time, the rest big and bad attended, some scruffy, and smelling too. It was an absolute relief, those two feet, like after dinner, finally desert, the part you really want.

The effect on the guys the moment I started washing hers was devastating, you should have seen the faces. I know now, it was that exact moment that Judas decided that I could not be true, washing her feet. The rest was just too astonished to react to his response, and so he was gone before they knew, and you know what he did next.

Me washing their feet had already made them go almost crazy, they thought so highly of me already, they never understood that I was just cleaning shit. Just never minded doing that, that was all. While washing their feet, trying to explain what was the meaning of that and how this kind of attitude was a useful thing to remember, they already were presuming all the time, that I wouldn’t wash hers. And in stead of picking up my behavior at the spot, by washing each other's feet, so I didn’t have to do the lot, they waited till it came to that point, where washing her feet was the only thing left to do.

The shock going trough them and all the images they had in mind, I read them all, so did Maria, the poor woman becoming all red and warm at the look of it. Do you remember, Maria”?

“ Of course, how could I forget? I thought I was over blushing at that time, since so much had happened already, but the combination of seeing the images they held in mind, while at the same time sensing how you washed, dried, and to rub it even more in their noses, oiled my feet, half of that blush came out of wishing the moment to be private, knowing how little time we had left, between that moment and the day you had to go. I hated you for leaving me and I cursed you hanging there on the cross, knowing how easily you could have prevented that. I felt as lonely as ever, without you knowing who I am around me. That you would be with me forever after in spirit the rest of my life, was something I didn’t know the moment you left me.

“So Dave, tell me” Jesus asked, “do you have a question? Since I am here I can always try to get some more work done, just shoot them, we will see soon enough if the two of us can get along”.

“Why is everything so divided down here”? Dave asked.

I didn’t start writing Mirror as a book. Along the way I walked my life, I started writing papers for school, after and before and during the time I traveled I wrote a diary and out of those pages I compiled stories and sent them to friends and family. It was only after I had an intensive e-mail conversation with a friend, a couple of years ago, that I first started thinking about a book. I felt I had so much material already I only needed to edit what I had. But somehow, what is past is past and we forget, and life goes on. In 1999 I moved to Indonesia, which set my mind into a different tune. Over the past couple of years , I lost all the remaining frames I used to live by. Totally freed from all past frames, I started to write down the things that mattered to me. Not as a serious attempt to write a book, just because it helped me to redefine myself. All I had lost, and all my experiences from the past, gave me the room and the words

to write a lot. I wasn’t seriously thinking about writing a book, I just want to explain myself and communicate well. I don’t want to think or feel to serious about anything, whatever life brings to me I try to accept as it is. Being far away from friends and family also challenged me to find a good way to still keep the relations alive.

Along the lines the idea of writing a book bacame clear.

Mirror is a spiritual novel, mainly based upon e-mail conversations I had with several males around the world. I was searching for a suitable life partner and I found it important to exchange life views and core values before I would actually meet any of them. I had some unusual experiences in my life, which urged me to find out how the other “ possible significant half” felt about these kinds of subjects. Strange things happened along the way, and I did find what I was looking for. His Referee made the final selection.

During that time I edited Shuffling Letters, a book with contemplation themes around life’s questions and along the way the book “ Forbidden Fantasies” came about, a book connecting sexuality with spirituality.

Thus finally Mirror became the link in between those two.

Jolanda comes from the Dutch Mountains and now lives in Yogya, Indonesia. Never settled and with a never-ending thirst for the spiritual, she described her truth of life: “Truth is a movement”