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A fuller version of these principles can be
found on this website under Komunikasi Sadar, Indonesian Language.
ABC Theory
A
= Activating event
B
= Belief (the way we look at things)
C
= Consequence
Not
A, but B causes C
The
way we look at things/events/person is causing how we react to a
situation. This is made up by our thoughts, our feelings; which mostly
derive from our thoughts (which might be totally unconscious held) based
upon our previous experiences, which color the “glasses” of our eyes.
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of people carry irrational thoughts, like;
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I
need to influence things and others need to value that-if not I am
worthless. (Causes Perfectionist/Failure
anxiety).
What
if there was no need to influencing anything, what if life would be what
it is (and it is) anyway, chaotic, random and/or
predestined?
What
if even there would be a need, it would be free choice whether to
participate or not?
Or
a thought like; “ everything I want, I need to get, relatively easy.
Mishaps should not happen to me. (Causes
low Frustration control).
Something’s
might be easy, others will not be, that’s a fact, and I cannot always
get what I want in an easy way.
Mishaps
happen, I make mistakes, others do to. Irrational
thoughts can grow from very early childhood times, the message like: Take
care of your brother/sister, if something happens to her your
responsible, given by a parent could later generate the irrational
thoughts, like I need to influence things, others (important people)
need to value that.
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Johari window concerns the 4 dimension of self. |
1
What we know about ourselves and others know that too,
2
What we know about ourselves, and don’t tell others,
3
What others know about us, and we don’t (coming from behavior verbal
or non verbal),
4
What we don’t know about ourselves, and others also don’t know (Unconsciousness
level) 2
and 3 need to be “freed”
by sharing, both ways, so called conscious communication. Which will
influence 4 to become more conscious as well.
Changing
irrational thoughts consciously.
The
emotional
dimension
between Value (overvalue) and underestimate being one axis to take
position in.
The
control dimension
between controlling events and giving them; people/events freedom being
the other axis.
(Be
yourself and give others room to be them-selves too).General
advice:
value high, control low
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Congruency
between what we think, feel
and what we tell (verbal and non-verbal) others is necessary for
healthy behavior.
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Listening,
requires, willingness to listen, ability to “feel” the others
point of view. |
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Feedback,
by naming the effect the behavior of the other has on us (also
meaning taking the effect as an own responsibility).
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And
by naming the effect our
behavior has on others.
Not
only give feedback about the negative things. (Working situation-or
personal). Well
that’s in a nutshell the cure for many anxieties.
Just Ordinary Magic.
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