THE SPLEENLY AM DIAL

It is? Why?

If Gid came to your house today, if he knocked on your door, do you think he would want to listen to TALKBACK radio?

Have you ever stopped to think how dull it is? Hours and hours of bland commentary on issues which nobody under the age of 60 cares about, on interest rates, 'rumours', the quality of sporting commentary, the appropriateness of drums at an ANZAC ceremony... WHO CARES? Its stupid and a waste of good drinking time!

But then you may ask, what about the Gidian radio shows on the AM dial?

THEY ARE CRAP!

CRAP!!

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT THEY ENCOURAGE THE SPLEEN IN ITS IMPERIALIST AMBITIONS.

Do you, for some obscure and spleen-influenced reason, believe that you are ENRICHING your life or your faith by listening to this turgid, useless drivel? You aren't. NOWHERE in the Book of Gid does Gid support you listening to the AM dial! Gid didn't just --forget-- to put it in, it was left out for a PURPOSE! And that purpose is to save you the time. You could be doing SO MANY better things. You could feed the dog, go to the shops, speak to friends, binge drink, ANYTHING but listen to the spleenly AM dial.

But do you think there is interesting information on the AM dial?

Do you? THERE ISN'T!

How can something be interesting if it isn't supporting the Word of Gid? Do you think, seriously, that AM radio is fast? How many Gidians own an AM radio station? NONE! And for good reason too, the AM dial is reserved ENTIRELY FOR SPLEEN WORSHIPPERS!

Set your dial to FM and rip the AM dial OFF your radio, or, better yet, BURN your radio, and your family members who wish to listen to it. There is no way you can enter the GreenPrettyFields if you listen to this heretical radio band.

So make a choice > Talkback radio or eternal happiness in the GreenPrettyFields and a chance to ride on the Fantastic Unicorn occasionally? The choice is yours, Gidians.

        - GidDoctor Thutmoose, G.V., 2001