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JOKE'S,JOKE'S AND MORE JOKE'S
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Click on music to your left to view
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*. How do you fix a women's watch? You don't...there is one on the stove.
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*. What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.
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*.A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk,and the brunette goes"O look, a dead bird,"and the blonde
looks up at the sky and goes,"where?"
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*.Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic? Just look at your drivers licence.
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* What do you call a dog with no legs? It don't matter he won't come.
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* What do you call 3 blondes under the Xmas tree? Ho,Ho,Ho
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*.What do you call foreplay in Alabama? 'Hey sis you awake.
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* Why are so many blonde joke's one-liners? So brunettes can remember them.
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* Why do golfers bring two pairs of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one.
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* Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because there pecker is on there head.
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* What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
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* Next time you think your perfect,Try walking on water.
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* What does it mean when a W.Virginia baby drools out both sides of his mouth? The trailer is level.
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* What does it mean when the flag is hanging at half mass at the post office? They are hiring.
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*.How come cowboy's don't make good lovers? Because they think eight seconds is a good ride.
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*. Why was the skeleton so cool? Because he was bad to the bone.
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*. One day a man comes home to find his wife admiiring her breast in the mirror.He asked her what
she's doing and she says,"i went to the doctors and she said i have breast like a 16 year old." The husband
says,Well,what did she say about your 75 year old ass? She replies,"Honey your name never came up"
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*. You know your a redneck when..you go to the family reunion to pick up chicks.
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* How do you make a hormone? Kick her between the legs.
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* The three words women hate to hear when having sex? "Honey,I'm home!"
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* Why is christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit
gets all the credit.
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* How do you get a little old lady to swear? Yell bingo.
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* Why do women have smaller feet then men? So they can get closer to the sink.
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* What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the same room? A full set of teeth.
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* Why did the jews wonder the desert for 40 years? Because someone dropped a quarter.
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* How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving
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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Secrets to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes
Tuesday's, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Toronto and mine is
in Vancouver.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
the
kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to
sit
down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.
Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the
TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to.
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