The Crash Course Headquarters Personal Ads

After being dumped at the altar, this SWM seeks a SF to make his millenium. Although 500 years in age, this SWM doesn't appear at all over the hill, most likely due to the fact that he has spent the majority of his years buried under it. Very financially secure, carries a job working with the strange and unusual. Enjoys long nights in the cemetery and charades, but does not enjoy the beach due to fear of sand. Witchdoctors need not apply.

Also known as the Sugar Bunny, this former Playgirl Playmate had to quit his job to pay for unfathomable debts due to his obsession with randomly blowing things up. This SWM's idea of a perfect date involves questing, tiny models of castles, and giant wooden badgers. His ideal match is a SF who does not mind being referred to as "Zoot" or "Dingo". Lines are open as he is awaiting your calls!

This well-traveled SWM is looking for a SF to settle down with after a hot, heavy and hectic past. Not your average Joe, Mr. T gives new meaning to the term "iron man." He enjoys motorcycles, shooting guns, and chasing after cars, especially on the California freeways. A perfect night would include going to the Galleria, taking a helicopter ride, and gazing into the eyes of his date. Being that he will live for 150 years with his existing power cell, this SWM is looking for a long-term relationship.

This rock and rolling SRM enjoys fire, darkness and misery. An ideal date includes taking over the world by destroying light forever. His greatest hits include "Don't You Know Me, Boyeee", "I Am A Part Of You All", and "Father, Protect Me". Any applicants for this entry must not mind being followed around by a bunch of creepy groupies with weird noses. Black hair and pale skin a plus.

SFM* seeks SF to share simple conversation over donuts. A gentle soul, this character loves to give kisses to his date, even if they are more than a little drooley. Also not unknown to stardom, this SFM made his debut on Wrestlemania and has made several appearances in night clubs. Ladies looking for their knight in shining armor - you will be pleased to know that Rahzar would be happy to protect you with a giant piece of piping.
*Single Furry Male

SWM seeks a SF with good, if not eccentric, tastes in clothing and home decor. A graduate of Pierre's School of Modern Fashions in New York, this SWM's major was in Artistic Chemisty Education. He now holds a class teaching the unfashionable how to coordinate their underwear with their wallpaper, among other things. A perfect night with Otho consists of a frenzied attempt to redecorate your house so that it looks like something from a bad dream. Likes: Blue-green, indoor outhouses. Dislikes: Polyester, fleece.

SWM seeks SF to do experiments on..I mean, with. All applicants must be willing to worship this SWM's sheer genius and ability. A perfect date with this candidate consists of disecting mutant brains over candlelight. All who are interested need only email this SWM directly into his brain, via his neural link to the internet.

RARRRRARRRRRRARRRRR ARRRR HISSSSS RRRWWWARRRR RRARRRRRRRR RRRRRRARRR HISSS HISSSS RARRRR. RRRRRRARRR RRRRRRRAAAAAAAR RWWAR. RARRRR RARRRR HISSSS HISSSS HISS RWAAAAARRR RAR. RRRRARRRRRRR.

Single male seeks single female for a night of romance. Must enjoy french kissing. Sarcasm also a plus, for Toad has a wicked tongue. A perfect date consists of hanging out by the lake, snatching up flies. Does not enjoy going out in any kind of storm.

SWM seeks SF to protect him from the dangers of everyday existance, as well as to play Parchessi with. A perfect date consists of staying at home watching old reruns of Leave It To Beaver while munching on saltine crackers. Date must not want to go anywhere or do anything that might put Vernon in danger...which means, must not want to go anywhere or do anything, period. Date must also be keen on dealing with panic attacks.

Single male seeks food. Very hungry. Need to eat. Loves eyes and hearts. The less fuzzy, the better, because fuzz causes gas. Stinky is a plus!