Things NoT To say on a date

"Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?"

"I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."

"No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin."

"I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you."

"People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell."

"I used to come here all the time with my ex."

"I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."

"Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."

"I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."

"And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."

"I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."

"It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."

"Dropping my pants just scared them. But when my underwear hit the ground... Man! I never knew Jehovah's Witnesses could run that fast."

"Well... that was a heavy dinner. All I need now is an enema and a blowjob."

"How come you are so much fatter than your sister anyway?"

"Nice dress. Could i borrow it sometime?"

"I never thought I'd look at a woman again but my last boyfriend broke my heart, so I said to myself 'come on, give it another try' "

"This is a bit slow, do you have any great looking friends we could call?"