The SWAMP GAS JOURNAL
Special Issue #4 ISSN 0707-7106
Spring, 1996
Alien Incompetency Theory:
A Unified Theory to Explain UFO Phenomena
by Chris Rutkowski
One of the most significant issues in ufology today is the attempt to
explain the wide variety of conflicting, confusing and bizarre elements of
the UFO phenomenon. In every subfield of ufological studies, there are
aspects which strain the logic of even the most seasoned researcher and
cause one to doubt the rationality of the genre.
To this end, a new theory has been developed by members of Ufology
Research of Manitoba (UFOROM) which appears to explain most, if not
all, of these baffling elements. The theory, labelled AINT, is the Alien
INcompetency Theory, and describes how all the confusing aspects
can be explained by assuming one simple tenet: aliens are incompetent.
To illustrate the theory, one need only to look at examples from within the
phenomenon itself, including its outlying subfields. First, let us look at
alien abductions.
One of the basic premises of alien abductions is the conscious recall by
abductees of their experiences aboard alien spacecraft. Nearly all
abductees report that during their ordeal, the aliens create some sort of
mental block within their minds so that they cannot remember what
has occurred. Yet, as evidenced by the huge number of abduction accounts
published and under investigation, these mental blocks are ineffective.
This is odd, considering the advanced technology and knowledge reported
to be held by the aliens. Some abductees report that their captors claim
thousands of years of development beyond our own, yet they, too, have
failed to produce a lasting screen memory that can withstand our feeble
efforts to unlock it via simple hypnosis techniques duplicable by any
charlatan or stage magician. Why would this be?
(Vladimir Simosko, a UFOROM associate and noted Fortean researcher, has
suggested some alternatives. Aside from sheer incompetence, he notes two
other possibilities: 1) aliens have a wacky sense of humor; and 2) they
*want* us to remember, despite the pretense of intending us to forget.)
Another curious observation is that nearly all abductees report aliens with
roughly humanoid shapes and comparable sizes, but with different origins
and purposes. Some aliens tell their victims they are from Venus, some
from the Pleiades and others from Zeta Reticuli. Since space science has
learned Venus cannot support life, this is obvious misinformation. As for
the Pleiades, these are stars much younger than our Sun and without hope
for planets with suitable living conditions at this time.
Some aliens claim their home planet has deteriorated from misuse and
pollution, and wish to warn us about our own disruption of our planet.
Others suggest they need our biological material to breed new life
(literally) into their gene pool, perhaps to regain such things as emotions
or other human characteristics. It is interesting that these scenarios
imply that the aliens have somehow caused their own demise and that without
our help they are lost. In other words, they made some serious mistakes. It
is not too much of a stretch to suggest they were incompetent in managing
their resources!
Of course, some aliens are said to claim that they are superior to us and
have their own agendas. This is precisely the claims an incompetent
person would say to cover his or her mistakes in order to keep from being
embarrassed.
We can look at other aspects of abductions for further evidence. One
abductee studied by John Mack described how she woke up one morning
after her abduction, wearing lavender underwear. This was baffling to her
because she didn't own any underwear of that color. Mack quickly
interpreted this to mean that the aliens had somehow made a mistake on
board their craft during a busy mass-abduction, and mixed-up abductees'
clothing. Other abductees have reported returning from their abductions
with slippers on the wrong feet and other items of clothing either
missing or improperly fastened. In a case studied by Budd Hopkins, an
abductee's earrings were found to be in backwards after her ordeal on
board a craft.
This all speaks to one explanation: the aliens were incompetent. One
would hope that superior beings who have been watching humans for
many years would have easily picked up nuances such as the color of our
clothing and the way jewelry is fastened to our bodies.
Simosko would again note that this could be a display of an alien sense
of humor, or perhaps an "intelligence test" of some sort. Regarding
further refinements of AINT, he offers four postulates:
1) If the aliens are intervening to "help us along," they are
incompetent because it isn't working out too well; humans
remain relatively unsophisticated and not very "tuned-in" to
the universe.
2) If the aliens are intervening by holding us back, it isn't
working all that well, either, since although an overwhelming
majority of humans are tuned-out, there are a number who are
attempting to raise the level of consciousness: Mother Theresa,
the Pope, Sun Ra, the Dalai Lama, Sharon Stone, etc.
3) If the aliens are trying *not* to intervene, they're even
more incompetent than the other postulates would indicate.
4) If there are several different groups of aliens, some helping
and others preventing our advancement, this is proof of
incompetence because they cannot "get their act together."
Another aspect of the UFO phenomenon is crash/retrievals. Associated with
the idea that some alien ships have crashed on Earth is the concept that
terran government or military bureaucrats have failed to keep the crashes
secret, allowing some documents to be leaked to UFO researchers. (More
on this later.)
The most famous crash story is that of the Roswell incident, in which a
flying saucer apparently crashed during an electrical storm in New
Mexico in 1947. While researchers have spent many years tracking down
witnesses and speculating as to where the ship might have done down, the
obvious question has never been asked: Why did it crash in the first place?
One only needs to consider accidents of terrestrial vehicles in order to
realize the answer: pilot or driver error.
It would be truly remarkable to consider that an alien pilot who has
navigated his (or her or its) craft through interstellar space using
highly-advanced technology and propulsion would be unable to maintain
level flight through a mere thunderstorm. There is only one reasonable
and possible explanation: the pilot was incompetent. Considering the
large number of saucer crashes now claimed by researchers, it would seem
that many aliens have difficulty flying their vehicles. Surely this could
imply that many are incompetent.
We can look to crop circles as further support for AINT. Allegedly,
crop circles constitute a form of "communication" between aliens and
ourselves. It is implied they are trying to warn us of or prepare us for
some upcoming fateful situation through the creation of "agriglyphs,"
consisting of complex mathematical patterns and obscure symbols. Why
would they attempt to communicate with us in such a fashion? Why not just
send a radio message or write something in English or Japanese on a sheet
of cardboard? Why 100-foot-wide Mayan lettering in marketable durham?
Obviously, their communication skills are less than exemplary,
especially since researchers cannot come to an agreement as to the exact
messages (other than something about impending "earth changes"). The aliens
must be, of course, incompetent.
What about the infamous Men-in-Black (MIBs)? They are described as
human in appearance, though possessing some characteristics that give
them away. Their facial pallor is often olive or grey in color and their
eyes are wide and staring. Their movements are jerky and their speech
stilted. They may ask people unusual questions or otherwise show an
unfamiliarity with terran customs. For example, in response to the query:
"Hey, buddy! What you lookin' at? You want a knuckle sandwich?", a
MIB might say, "Yes, please, with some mayonnaise." Such actions easily
show they are not humans at all; if their purpose was to mimic humans,
their imperfections show that they are, again, incompetent.
Contactees often will share their imparted knowledge from their alien
mentors. Unfortunately, practically all contactees claim contact with
different aliens from different planets and with different messages to
humankind. (They are similar to abductees in this way.) When pressed to ask
their channelled entities for more palpable proof of their claims, or
perhaps a useable prediction or two, the contactees are told by the
aliens that Earth is "not ready" for the knowledge or, instead, give a
vague diatribe about "parallel vibrational states" or "temporal matter
disruptions."
An examination of other channelled material finds many other examples of
alien doubletalk and bafflegab. Rather than accepting the channelled
information as revelations from higher beings, the lack of content of the
messages suggests something else: the aliens themselves don't know
the answers or lack the information as well. Again, we can ask how an
incredibly advanced civilization would not be able to give one single
example that would prove their superiority. Could it be that they do not
know the answers, despite their reputed intelligence?
One can also ask why aliens would choose to abduct people from lower
castes or social status rather than those in positions of authority. Why don't
they land on the White House lawn? Perhaps they don't know to do so.
How could they not know this? They are incompetent.
Even the implants found inside some abductees are curious. Each one is of
a different size, shape and/or compost, and while there is a trend for some
to be found in abductees' noses, others are found in feet, shoulders, wrists
and knees. Surely, if the aliens are conducting a scientific test, their
methodology would be consistent. In fact, the implants appear to be little
more than chunks of metal or calcified plastics rather than
microtransmitters. Perhaps the alien doctors don't know that they are
doing.
In all of these examples, it is possible to interpret the aliens' actions as
being far from superior. In fact, they seem rather ridiculous. But, if the
aliens are really superior beings from an advanced civilization on a distant
planet, why are they acting in such an illogical manner? We can point to a
parallel situation here on our own planet. Why, given our own
relatively-advanced technology and level of knowledge, is bureaucratic
infighting delaying the construction of the space station? Why is NASA
nearly bankrupt?
We also can look at examples in areas other than space science. Why would
politicians lobby for tighter controls on cigarettes because of cancer
dangers, but pass bills that would subsidize farmers to grow tobacco? Why
do bureaucrats create subcommittees to investigate wastes of time and
taxpayers' money? Why would politicians sponsor a covert activity to
break into a psychiatrist's office in a hotel? (For that matter, why would
people vote for politicians, knowing their track records for honesty and
integrity?) Why can't my subscription to a magazine get renewed, even
when I send the check in four months before the subscription expires? And
why are 60% of all automobiles recalled by the manufacturer during the
first year they are on the road?
The answer, of course, is incompetence. Bureaucratic bungling, political
wrangling and general ineptitude are responsible for most of the problems
in the world today. Politicians and bureaucrats create such confusion that
it is clear they themselves have no idea what they are doing.
Now, imagine a highly-evolved technical civilization on a distant planet.
Its society functions well, with the exception of a comparatively small
number of its population. These would no doubt be their most ineffective
politicians and bureaucrats. What better way to remove them from the
general gene pool and workforce than to send them off on interstellar
voyages that, with relativity, would return them many, many years later,
if at all?
Because they are incompetent, they would be confused as to their mission.
They would be clumsy pilots and navigators and, because they lack the true
knowledge of their society, they would be unable to tell anyone anything
about their purpose or scientific capability with any degree of
understanding or common sense.
As evidence that this is true, a cursory study of the terrestrial government
cover-up of UFO crashes shows incompetence as well, but this time with
regard to human bureaucrats. The presence of a vast number of leaked
documents shows that the government (even a "shadow" variety) cannot
function effectively because it is, after all, still a government (which, by
definition, is incompetent).
Therefore, we can observe that bizarre aspects of the UFO phenomenon are
explained best by assuming the aliens are incompetent. More to the point,
they must be the most incompetent examples of their race, namely the
bureaucrats. The Alien Incompetency Theory is borne out by an
examination of the available observations and claims of witnesses, and can
finally explain what is going on. An understanding of this situation will
certainly change the way ufologists will approach their subject.
March, 1996
Winnipeg, Canada
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Standard disclaimer: The above material has nothing to do with the
University of Manitoba.
The Swamp Gas Journal is copyright 1996 by Chris Rutkowski
Snailmail: Box 1918
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Canada R3C 3R2
E-mail: rutkows@cc.umanitoba.ca
The Swamp Gas Journal is an irregular publication associated with Ufology
Research of Manitoba (UFOROM).