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Spider-Man Review by Harry My little brother hates me. As soon as my family reached the car, he asked me what I thought of Spiderman, and void of free thought, said it was the greatest movie ever this week. Being intolerant as he is, I was told to shut up five seconds after I opened my mouth. Let me being by alienating myself from the human population. Spiderman was a decent movie, but it wasn’t a great movie by any means. Much like Harry Potter and the whatever, this is not a movie that deserves to gross what it will. It started out well enough, bringing us right to the heart of the story without much background or setup. Good. That wouldn’t have been necessary. I didn’t come to the theater to see a baby Peter Parker covered in placenta. I was already marveling at the guy they’d gotten to play Peter, he was perfect. I like Tobey Maguire. I couldn’t figure out why they had James Dean playing Harry Osbourne, he seemed a little too cool to be an emotional basketcase starved for attention. Plus, we all know Shannon Elizabeth, (or Kate Beckinsale, somebody with a thinner face) should have played Mary Jane instead of up-until-recently jailbait Kirsten Dunst. Why not get one of the Olsen twins? Anything to say that this isn’t a movie to be taken seriously, but a teen movie with superheroes. And that’s what it was. My God, I kept waiting for Freddie Prinze Jr. to show up. If there was anything that could have taken away from the integrity of this film, it was freaking Mary Jane and her high school girl stupidity. When Harry’s dad destroys Harry and everything he holds dear (emotionally), Mary Jane charges out with a “thanks for defending me”, therefore ruining her credibility as an intelligent girl, worthy of Spiderman’s radioactive fetus. I hated her all movie long, even when she makes a play for Peter at Harry’s father’s funeral. What a wonderful place for love, especially since she just gave Harry the shaft. Granted, he did kinda take her from Peter before Peter made a play, but that’s just defense ammunition for those who don’t agree with me. I hate Mary Jane Watson. She was like Lois Lane, but even dumber, and lacking in that Teri Hatcher extreme hottie goodness. I did like the action, and the way the script stuck to the original story. I heard there was a Stan Lee cameo, and while I missed it, I’ll probably watch it again to find it. But this isn’t a review for raving about the goodness of Spiderman, you’ve heard that everywhere else. Instead, I want to complain about a few other things. The green goblin. What was his purpose in this movie? He killed some staff members, then just kinda ran out of things to do. Plus his costume looked stupid as Hell. The CGI. I know, we’ve been waiting for the ability to do this a long time, but they really overdid it. Spiderman flailed around like Raggedy Ann, and looked dang stupid doing it. In the first scene where he’s running on the roof, he looks like Woody from Toy Story. Still, this was Spiderman, and as such, it gets some credit, for, you know, BEING SPIDERMAN. Problem is, that’s all that saved this movie.
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