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Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones Review by Harry I can honestly say I went into the theaters with mixed feelings. I have always been a Star Wars fan, and still am after this film, but everyone complained so much about Phantom Menace, I knew this one had to be really good for critics and fans alike to be satisfied. Let me first state my opinion before I do anything else: I liked it. You can attack my credibility as a reviewer all you like, but I liked this movie. Granted, there were things that just didn’t work. For instance, the love story--about half the focus of the film—was pretty darn lame. I don’t believe for a second that Anakin Skywalker could ever come up with such mindless drivel to say to Padme on the couch. Even on my best days, nothing that flowery flows out that perfectly, and not nearly that lame. It was lame. Finally, someone in the theater laughed, and the rest of the theater joined him in doing so. But I can overlook that. Natalie Portman’s hot. I was not a fan of the one-liners either. Obi-Wan was somewhat of a jive talker at times, which doesn’t fit a Jedi at all. But I can overlook that, too. These things garner some deductions, but not enough to make me dislike this film. While the movie started out rather slowly, I truly did enjoy some of the early scenes, such as the scene with the kid trying to sell the deathsticks to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan quips: You don’t want to sell me deathsticks. The kid repeats this, minorly confused. Obi-Wan quips: You want to go home and rethink your life. If the movie had continued in the vein of the first half, I would not have been pleased. But all the while we know that this is building up to something, and there’s enough really sweet aggression and cool sights (such as when Anakin kills all the Tusken Raiders or that whole scene at the cloning factory) that I was still entertained. And that’s what this is about. Straight up entertainment. Don’t give me any bull about artistry, an underlying message, or anything else George Lucas probably should have changed about the film. If you can’t figure out the love story between Anakin and Padme, think about this: I too would disrupt the spiritual epicenter of the universe to be with Natalie Portman. Enough said. By the time the last quarter of the movie rolls around, everything is so freaking cool it’s not funny. The scene in the coliseum is pretty cool. The huge Jedi/robot battle is visually stunning, making up for a few other special effects mistakes involving a crappy background and the obvious existence of blue-screen technology, though I’m starting to get really annoyed with George Lucas’ need to add one stupid comic relief character into every major war scene (Last movie, Jar Jar, this movie, C-3PO). Wanna know when this movie goes beyond cool? The light saber battle. Anakin screws up, he gets hurt. Obi-Wan screws up, gets hurt. Anakin gets up and tries again with two light sabers and gets hurt. But then as we all wait for Mace Windu, No! It’s freaking Yoda! He hobbles in on his cane, shows off his impressive ability to levitate objects, then BOOM-BAM! HE WHIPS OUT HIS LIGHT SABER AND FLIPS AROUND LIKE A MONKEY ON CRACK! You have to see this. Yoda is not as weak as he looks, people. He’s stinking insane. He’s like Kerri Strug. You think he’s all weak and insignificant, then all of a sudden he does a billion flips and backflips and wins everything. Yoda made this movie cool. Yoda rocks the party. It’s all about Yoda. This is one of the best Star Wars movie yet, regardless of what the critics say. Accept it. George Lucas makes fluff. But when it’s this cool, does it really matter? As long as there’s clean-cut limbs a-flying, I’ll keep giving my money to Lucasfilm.
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