"I was already rebooting Spider-Man, and taking over HULK after some guy left, I guess
he was writing it for a while.  I don't know, I didn't read any of it.  Anyway, I decided that
I could best help Marvel struggle through their financial problems by taking over their
whole line.  If I can't do it, I'm sure it's a lost cause." Byrne announced at a press
conference.

"I'm sure that John will be able to carry the Might Marvel tradition into the next century,
heroes!  Excelsior!" Stan Lee added, and trailed off into a seemingly unconnected speil
about winning no-prizes and the "lost" issues of RAVAGE 2099.

"John has some bold ideas for Marvel.  I wouldn't agree with all of them sure, but it's
exciting.  Okay...that bastard egomaniac took my job!!!!" Bob Harras remarked, after
finding out that his job was taken over by Byrne.  He later added that John could "suck it"
and followed it up with three (3) DX crotch chops. He was later carried off by Scott
Lobdell.

"I've got some bold plans for Marvel.  Here's some of them:"

"FANTASTIC FOUR: I'm rebooting this, mainly becuase I felt that the reboot by Jim Lee,
and the subsequent one by Lobdell and Claremont really weren't enough.  Expet a return
to an unmarried Reed Richards and Susan Storm, and a teenage Johnny.  I'm kind of at a
cross-hairs with the Thing - I don't think he appeals to today's audience.  A sassy robot
seems to be the way to go."

"HULK: I really have to reapair the damage that the one guy did to this book.  The
Savage Hulk will be back, as I guess he wasn't or something.  I don't know, I never read
the issues.  You'll see a lot of Jim Wilson, Rick Jones, and Betty Ross.  I'm confident that
nothing important has happened to their characters."

"SPIDER-MAN: Sheesh.  Where do I start.  Spider-Man, who I guess somehow got
married, will be single, and lviing with Aunt May.  I was considering bringing Uncle Ben
back, too, but I was convinced that the robot Uncle Ben will be enough.  Expect a lot of
Harry Osborn interacting with Peter, and Doc Ock, the Vulture and the Green Goblin! 
Actually, this is easier for me, as pretty much all the villains have been retconned back into
what they origninally were."

"X-MEN:  First of all, these "Maggot" and "Marrow" people are gone.  I want a focus on
the shy unrequited lovers of Cyclops and Jean Grey.  That and a non-blue Angel." 

"DEADPOOL: Who is this guy?"

"THUNDERBOLTS:  He got his own comic?"

"CAPTAIN AMERICA:  World War II.  God only knows how I'll pull it off, with all of
the other titles running in the present, but it'll work."

When the remark was made that this proposal would consist of only old Bynre written FF
comics, and Silver Age Marvel titles, Byrne insulted the man, and was quickly consoled by
Stan Lee and various Marvel editors.

Added distraught Byrne-hater Josh "Starving Writer" Lothridge, "This sucks." 

The new line of "John Byrne's Marvel Comic Company and Parade of Fun" will kick off in
November 1998, with every comic being written and penciled by John Byrne. 

The family of Jack Kirby has threatened legal action.

-- Albert
The ABC-N Fake Newsarama has recieved no squiddy awards whatsoever, and posted to
Usenet with no regularity whatsoever.