So it should have come as no surprise that Marvel has recently "dismissed" Pacheco and company of their duties, replacing them with a creative team yet to be named under the upcoming new "MAX" mature line of comics.

"Basically, this FF had a trouble connecting to today's audience.  No one cares about things like adventures in the Negative Zone any more.  It's just true.  It's evolution," shared Marvel Editor-In-Chief on the story.

"It's important to remember that the Fantastic Four are real folks, like you and me.  And it's hard to be real under normal comic book conditions.  Take Ben Grimm, for instance.  ‘It's clobberin' time'?  That was great for the 1960's, but let's just face facts, things like that don't fly today," adds MAX editor Stuart Moore.  "What I think he'd really say is, ‘I'm gonna kick your fucking ass, you shitty ass cuntrag.  Why don't you try me, you asshole cumdumpster?'  And now, thanks to the MAX line, he finally can go ahead and say what the FF fans have wanted to hear him say for years."

"I can safely say that this is not your father's FANTASTIC FOUR.  Now, I realize that most people's father's didn't read comics.  That's besides the point.  What matters now, is that we can focus on what's important," begins fellow MAX editor Axel Alonso.  "Like sex, for example.  Now, I know most of our readers probably haven't had sex..."

Reportedly, Alonso then "paused for laughter."

"...but most people have.  But you know who I've never seen have sex?  Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman.  Which is funny, right?  Because they're married.  If anyone should be having sex, you'd think it would be them!  But for whatever reason, we've deprived our readers of that sight.  Rest assured that the new FANTASTIC FOUR opens up with Reed and Sue engaging in hearty coitus and a number of adventurous positions."

"Yeah," Moore interjects, "let's just say it isn't just his neck and his arms and his legs and torso that are stretchy!  It's also his PENIS!"   

"Exactly.  And assumedly, Johnny Storm is a pretty young guy.  He's gonna have some sex, right?  So we'll go into that some.  Thing, I dunno.  He's kind of made out of rocks or whatever, so I can't imagine anyone wants to see him having sex.  But this is MAX.  This
is about pushing the envelope.  So don't be surprised if you see his big rocky manhood riding Invisible Woman one of these days," Moore adds.

"That's right, I said Invisible Woman.  We're pushing the envelope, folks!"

While the issue of a creative team is still up in the air, Quesada is confident.  "Really, all we need is someone who can write profanities well.  I can't imagine that's too hard to find.  Secondly, we just need someone willing to draw lots of scenes of people dying and having sex.  If I could, I know I'd be interested.  This is the Fantastic Four that Stan Lee and Jack Kirby originally intended, but were stifled by the Comics Code Authority.  Finally, the  shackles are off."
 
Indeed, it will not be just the language and sexuality that is "taken to the MAX."  The very modus operandi of the team has to be shifted, Alonso insists.  

"No one buys into the whole "family of explorers" concept anymore.  First of all, newsflash: Thing isn't related to any of them!  Some family.  And this new FF will really be pro-active and take it to the villains.  Asses will be kicked.  "Fucks" will be uttered.  Finally, after the long national nightmare that has been the last forty years of the Fantastic Four.  I mean, this team had a robot and She-Hulk as members at one point.  What the hell were we - or should I say, they - thinking?"  
 
"That's right," Moore adds, "The long national nightmare that has been FANTASTIC FOUR is finally, and thankfully, over."

© 2001