[Paper aeroplanes fly through the air without thought or care as the scene threatens to boil over in the early goings. A collection of desks are littered around the room but perhaps lost in the sound of laughter. That’s pretty much all that kids do anyway. So, when you’re first introduced to the classroom, you don’t see little people sat behind tables waiting for Mrs Coleman to explode under the pressure. You’re guided by the sound of chortling as the children continue their assault against the only authority that they can penetrate. Who’d be a teacher?]
Mrs Coleman – “Right class. I think we all ought to quieten down a bit. It’s far too noisy in here and, if you’re talking, then you’re not working. If you’ve got a question about the task then please raise your hand.”
Bert – “I have a question, Miss.”
Mrs Coleman – “What’s that then, Bert?”
Bert – “Well, I’m just trying to get my head around the second problem. I’ve never been that good at algebra! Do I have to carry the X’s across or collect them before hand?”
Mrs Coleman – “I’ll come over and take a look.”
[The middle aged woman carefully makes her way across the room, trying her hardest not to step on a few toes as she does so. Finally, she’s in control. For a few seconds, everything feels that little bit more stable. The classroom becomes a prison. And, so, he awaits the jailbreak…]
Chris – “Ammo loaded?”
Dave – “Check.”
Chris – “No, no, no. You’ve got to address me correctly. It’s ‘check, sir’.”
Dave – “Ah right. Check, Sir!”
Chris – “Better. Weapon cocked?”
Dave – “Check, Sir!”
Chris – “Target sighted?”
Dave – “Moving East at 2 o clock, Sir!”
Chris – “Maintain a steady aim. Lock the target and…Fire!”
[The projectile speeds across the room at a velocity unparalleled to anything that room “208b” had ever seen before. The team of Champion and Orlando had failed in their previous mission to disrupt the girls at the front of the class but this time they felt better equipped. Last time, they’d suffered from a mechanical failure as the weight of the pea shooter had been far too heavy to hit a calculated shot. However, this baby had been perfectly crafted during recess and it was ready for action. The missile continued to home in like a predator stalking its prey…]
Jane – “What the…?”
[Splat! Target decapitated. One wad of saliva had successfully managed to cut its way through the cheek of the specified victim. There was no hiding now. This was no time for guerrilla warfare. The nukes were about to launch]
Mrs Coleman – “Jane? Whatever is the matter?”
[It may well have been a thousand buffalo gathering and ready to charge because that’s what it felt like from the safety of the back row. Jane McAvoy was perhaps the moodiest girl ever to grace the school and the troops had just connected with a Grade A spit ball to the face. There was no time for high fives or cigar smoking though. The buffalo had already begun to roar…]
Jane – “CHAMP-EE-ON!”
Mrs Coleman – “Jane?”
Jane – “He’s done it again, Miss! He’s spitting things at me!”
Mrs Coleman – “Christopher? Is this your doing?”
Chris – “No. I don’t know what she’s talking about. You know what she’s like, Miss. She’s always trying to get me into trouble. Ask anyone!”
Mrs Coleman – “Why don’t I believe you?”
[What appeared to be a whisper under his breath towards Mrs Coleman came out as a battle cry for teenagers around the world. Ah, yes. Here we find ourselves with another example of why Chris Champion has always maintained that he’s quick witted, sharp and always ready to come up with a smart comment…]
Chris – “Because you were too busy humping Bert?”
[The back row breaks out into a fit of laughter as Mrs Coleman looks towards a smirking Chris Champion with discontent. It’s impossible to hear the murmurings of teenagers when they don’t want to be heard. Perhaps only half of the class actually cottoned on to Champion’s taunt towards the teacher but kids are so afraid of being different that they all laugh in unison]
Mrs Coleman – “Will you lot please be quiet? I’ve just about had enough of this nonsense for today. Right, you, Mr Champion…Outside. We need to talk about respect for authority, I think!”
Dave – “Don’t say a word, man. Just take the heat like I did last time. If I get another detention then my parents will kill me!”
Chris – “No worries, mate. I think she might have already figured out you were involved in this one though. I'll do my best. See you in a few minutes, partner.”
Dave – “Keep the faith. Live the dream.”
[A faint smile from Champion quickly turns to despair as he looks in Mrs Coleman’s direction. He begins to question whether or not to tell the truth, or more importantly, how he’s going to get away with this little episode without further action. The class giggles mildly as the door slams shut and the scene is set for a showdown between The Educator and Sergeant Major Champion]
Mrs Coleman – “I really don’t understand you, Christopher. Last week when I called for your parents to come in, you seemed as if you were actually listening to me. For once, I thought that I’d found a way to communicate effectively with you. I remember the face you pulled as you sat back in your chair and I thought I saw a 12 year old boy that was ready to change his ways.”
Chris – “I have changed though, Miss! I don’t even know why you’re listening to Jane. Dave was the one that’s caused all this and now I’m getting blamed for it. It’s just not fair.”
Mrs Coleman – “I don’t believe that you didn’t have a part to play in this one, Christopher. You’ve never been the type to let someone else steal the headlines, have you? You’re always the one that seems to disrupt the class or you’re at least involved in some shape or form. What’s all of this about, Chris? You’re a bright lad that could do well at his studies if you concentrated hard enough. Is this just another cry for attention?”
Chris – “I’ve already told you, Miss. This was Dave’s idea. The only thing I’ve done was laugh a little with the rest of the class. Don’t blame me. Blame Dave.”
[Champion’s head drops again as it fails to reveal the sadistic grin that would be a truer reflection of his emotions. Broken promises to Dave don’t seem to matter much when you’re being scolded by an ugly 45 year old. Beam me up, Scotty. Get me out of here]
Mrs Coleman – “Right, well, you go back into class and I’ll have a chat with Dave. If I find out that you’re lying then we’re going to have to get your parents in for another meeting. I doubt that your Father will be pleased about that. Now, go on. Go back into class and tell Dave that I want to speak to him.”
[With a quick nod of the head, the 12 year old sees his chance to escape. The door opens and closes before Mrs Coleman has a chance to even catch her breath. She sighs deeply as he tries to consult some of her child psychology textbooks that have been etched into her mind since graduation]
Mrs Coleman – “Kids…”
[All of the ears that were pinned up against the wall to listen to Champion Vs Coleman round 67 are now transformed into eyes as they look upon the returning hero. Questions of “What did she say?” and “Are you in trouble?” are soon shrugged off by Chris as he returns to his desk. Finally, he turns to his lower ranked officer and delivers the shocking truth]
Chris – “I think she knows that you’re behind this, Dave. She wants to see you. Don’t worry though. Play it cool. Oh, and don’t tell her I had anything to do with it. Just blame Harry instead.”
[The gullible friend wobbles slightly before nodding his head in agreement as he too now leaves the safety of the classroom and prepares to face the wrath of Coleman. Champion leans back on his chair as he pops his pencil back into his mouth, smiling as he does so]
Chris – “I amaze myself sometimes.”
[Toss the letter into the trash. What does this Tony kid know about Chris Champion anyway? Here, we’ve got a kid that’s hell bent on getting by in life even if that’s at the expense of his right hand man. There’s absolutely no way that this human being is capable of seeing Tony from Toronto as anything more than a cry for attention is there? Right?]
