[Ok. I think I need a little sit down before I decide what I’m going to do with this letter. Right. Now, I’ll just have a quick sip of my tea before giving it another examination. It’s a tricky one, this is. Here, we’ve got a kid that actually takes the time to study wrestling psychology but I can’t help but think he’s a retard that sits around the house playing monopoly all day]

Chris Champion – “Tony Walt, eh? What a strange little creature you are!”

[The thought process is quickly interrupted by the sound of female footsteps. Ah, yes. Everyone’s favourite Diva arrives on the scene]

Georgina – “Is something the matter, Chris?”

Chris Champion – “I’m just debating whether or not to reply to this interesting little letter I’ve just received. Take a look at it, if you want.”

Georgina – “Just give me a minute or so. I’ll boil the kettle and then read it.”

Chris Champion – “Sure.”

[As Champion once again reads the letter over, he can’t help but pull out a pen and paper from the second draw of the desk in front of him. He begins to etch his handwriting onto the curves of the page as he ponders each word with great care]

Dear Tony,

Just exactly who the fuck do you think you are? What gives you the divine right to comment on my life as if you’re my best friend? Maybe if you actually took the time to study me prop…

[Champion stops, winces and finally shakes his head. He looks down at the piece of paper before adding a comment to accompany the dissatisfied glance]

Chris Champion – “Maybe that’s a bit harsh.”

[Crumple-crumple. Champion screws the page up and throws it half way across the room, just missing the bin]

Chris Champion – “Ok. Let’s try again.”

Dear Tony,

Whilst it pleases me somewhat to see wrestling fans actually using their brains and trying to figure me out, there are so many other factors that you’ve not considered. For example, I really don’t think you’ve thought about…

[Crumple-crumple. He shoots once again… and this time hits the rim of the bin]

Chris Champion – “Almost got that one in. Ok. What hasn’t he thought about?”

Georgina – “You alright there, Chris? You looked a bit puzzled.”

Chris Champion – “I can’t find the right words to use to respond to this guy’s letter.”

Georgina – “Just hand it over to the one of the HWF head office people. I’m sure they’ll find a nice response for it.”

Chris Champion – “I’m tired of doing that though. Maybe this guy has a point?”

[Georgina takes the letter and begins to read it. Her nose twitches slightly as she does so. Champion watches intently as her eyes hang over every letter and seemingly digest the information]

Georgina – “This guy seems very odd. I think it’s probably for the best if you just left him alone. You don’t need any more stalkers.”

Chris Champion – “You know, you’re right. I’ll just fob him off with a few lines and make it look as if I agree with him.”

Dear Tony,

Thanks for your letter. Maybe you’re right about what you say. I’m going through a stage of my life whereby the world is changing and I’m changing with it.

However, with the support of fans such as yourself, I feel confident to tackle any problem and continue my rise to prominence within the HWF.

Thanks for your continued interest,

Chris Champion

[The old ‘official line’ ploy was being used in the only way it knew possible. Dishonesty and lies hid behind Champion’s words as he couldn’t even convince himself that what he was writing was actually a fair reflection of his thoughts. He pauses, as he stares down at his hand writing…]

Chris Champion – “No. This just isn’t right. This just isn’t me.”

[Crumple-crumple. Yet another piece of paper finds its way flying towards the bin but this time he’s finally able to land a three pointer. The crowd go wild and Michael Jordan offers a friendly thumbs up gesture in response. Champion accepts the accolades gracefully before putting pen to paper for a final time…]