The sun danced around like a firefly in the sky, smiling merrily and acknowledging nature from its place above the clouds. Happiness ruled the Planet as men went about their business freely and without any real cares. God had created the Earth… and what a wondrous creation it had turned out to be. The birds hummed, the bees buzzed and the field mice frolicked together in peaceful harmony.

However, several whispers had circulated regarding the standard of living that God had provided the insect family. It seemed as if the woodlice, in particular, weren’t too happy with the treatment they’d received from the Holy one. From a certain perspective, you could see where they were coming from too.

“This is an absolute crock of shit!” berated the beetle, as the rest of his grubby little friends took their place at the table. Every one of the “key” species of the insect kingdom had sent a representative to the meeting. However, it was the beetle that seemed to lead the way, voicing his opinion without care or further thought. “God knows that we hate the sun light… yet he showers the world in it, day after day. We’ve been completely screwed over. We’re forced to live under rocks. Where’s the justice in that? I’ve got a friend that happens to be a toad… and he’s made his home on a luxurious river bank with a fantastic view of the River Thames.”

“It’s an absolute disgrace!” croaked the cockroach.

“Insects have feelings too!” wailed the worm.

This emergency meeting of the creepy crawly world had been brewing for decades. God knew about it too, but he was far too busy messing about preparing for the coming of Christ to do anything about it. After all, getting a virgin pregnant without the use of a penis required time and effort.

Luckily for the insects, the big man was taking a little time off and finally had a chance to listen to their pleas.

“What do you want?” grunted God, as a loud bellowing voice swept the meeting and slapped the slug with authority. “I really don’t have time to listen to all of your requests. However, if you just outline what you’d like to see happen briefly, then I’m sure I can make something happen.”

“We want rain. Lots of it. A spot of darkness wouldn’t hurt either. The sun light really hurts our eyes, you know?” droned the dragonfly.

“Very well,” said the saviour with a sigh.

And on that day, God flooded the Earth with water like never before. Some guy called Noah decided to cash in on the situation by charging the sun loving animals $5 to board a ship that he’d built for such an eventuality. So, with Noah raking in the cash and Insects across the globe swimming around in muddy waters, the beetles, woodlice and slugs were finally happy.

Well for the time being, at least.

“It’s a bit boring this now, isn’t it? All we do is fanny about in the water. I can’t remember the last time I stood on dry land,” added the ant, as he floated around on a crumpled piece of papyrus. “I wish things would go back to the way that they used to be. Living in darkness wasn’t so bad when I think back. And if I have to look at the smug grin on Noah’s face one more time I’m going to explode!”

God shook his head, slapped his thigh and gently placed his cup of tea on the table beside him. The pressures of running a Universe single handedly finally seemed to be taking their toll.

“I tell you, Gabriel, there’s just no pleasing some people. Even Satan’s easier to deal with than these bloody animals!” moaned the Messiah.

“Yeah, dude, I totally agree with you. They’re all fuckers, man. Some things are just best left as they are,” added the Angel.

Gabriel was a certified pot addict and he rarely came out with anything useful. The fact of the matter was that having such an incompetent right hand man was handy for stroking your ego when you’re an all powerful ruler of the Universe. However, on this occasion, God knew that ‘Big G’ was right. That’s why the words took him by surprise and gained his attention.

“Indeed. Some things are best left alone.”

And that’s coming from the big man himself.