The Naming of Cats
The Naming of cats is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of you holiday games
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three different names
First of all is the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James
Such as Victor or John, George or Bill Bailey
All of them sensible, everyday names
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter
But all of them sensible, everyday names
But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular
A name that's peculiar and more dignified
Else how can he keep up
His tail perpendicular
Or spread out his whiskers
Or cherish his pride
Of names of this kind I will give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat
Such a Bombalurina or else Jellylorum
Names that never belong to more than one cat
But above and beyond, there's still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no human research can discover
But the cat himself knows and will never confess
When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always the same
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought...of the thought...of the thought...
Of this name
This ineffable
Effable
Effanineffable
Deep...and inscrutable
Singular
Name, name, name.name, name, name, name, name, name, name, name, name, name
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