You and your boss
1. When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
2. When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
3. When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
4. When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
5. When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed. When your boss does it, he's being firm.
6. When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
7. When you please your boss, you're ass creeping. When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
8. When you're out of the office, you're wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
9. When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum. When your boss does the same, he appreciated the women there.
10. When you take a day off sick, you're always sick. When your boss takes a day off sick, he must be very ill. 
11. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.