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and I saw you crying

there are a lot of things I don't want to see. Like war beginning, like baby carriages falling through staircases, like creepy stalkers, like blood, like gore…

but there's something, just something, utterly, inexplicably, scary about seeing you cry.

I knew I shouldn't have left when I did. I knew I shouldn't have… damnit, why the hell did I trust your word when you said you were going to be fine?

Broke you. people. People broke you, and the worst part is, I knew, and I did nothing else. I just.. knew. Does that make me any different from them? not much, but then again, hey.

I came back, and I saw you there, crying. Oh goddamnit, I saw you crying.

Cheeks flushed and all, clutching a towel to your face, I was wondering how you saw me come through the darkness, when you usually didn't pay much attention, not most of the time, anyway. And your eyes, they weren't really all too clear, you know?

And it saddened me, to confess. Did it actually mean you could only see me coming through the darkness clearly whenever you saw me through your tears?

Could you only see clearly through your teary eyes?

Now I'm fucking scared.

I would never understand why it hurt that bad, but I know, I know, I never understand most things. I don't understand a lot of things, and usually, that's fine by me.

What I couldn't figure out is… is why I can't stand the thought of not comprehending now.

This. You. The tears in your eyes.

I want to understand. But really, why should you let me in anyway?

I usually don't mind, being the outsider looking in, and all. I usually don't care, 'cause usually, I couldn't care less about the people who keep me out, anyway.

But this is you. and standing out here, looking in, unable to do anything but just.. just freaking stand there and look - just looking, just… goddamned… looking! I don't think I could do this.

The nagging feeling of doing something is excruciaaating.

But I know. I know I couldn't do things the way I want them done, I couldn't fix things the way I want them fixed. I know, I have this certain WonderWoman syndrome, and fuck, it's getting the better of me.

But this is getting the better of you, too. And people who break other people don't deserve better. They just freaking don't.

And they certainly don't deserve your tears.