Ask Dr. Truth

by Hall Monitor staff psychologist Sherrie Truth


Dear Dr. Truth: I have a terrible secret which I have kept from my fiance. Several years ago, when I was a struggling coed in desperate need of money, I posed for several very explicit girl-on-girl videos just to make ends meet. After I left school, I thought all that ugliness was behind me and that I could go on and live a normal life. To my horror, an anonymous emailer sent me pictures and a link to a site which contained numerous photos of my collegiate indiscretions. I cannot begin to describe my shock. My fiance loves going online, and I'm terrified that he will discover my secret past and dump me. Should I come clean and tell him everything? Every time we're together I feel like we're living a lie, and I don't think I can marry him without telling him the truth. -- "Donna" in LaJolla

Dear Donna: For starters, let me assure you that just about every couple in America is living a lie as we speak. "I loved the pot roast you made, honey," and "Hercules, you satisfied me to the core tonight," are examples of what I'm talking about here. But lies aren't even a part of this equation. He never asked you if you did girl-on-girl videos in college, and you've never denied making them, so where's the lie? Non-disclosure is nothing to feel guilty about. How many times has Johnny-Boy told you how great Star Wars: Episode I was, and you just smiled in apparent agreement? You didn't feel like you were living a lie by not saying it sucked and you hated it, right? You need to remember two tried and tested rules: "Silence is golden" and "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Disclose nothing and marry the guy. Should he discover the truth about your past, simply tell him, as you did me, that you did it to make ends meet in a desperate time in your life, and don't hesitate to turn on the tears. When he begins to soften up a bit, hit him with the round-winning zinger: "What the hell were you doing looking up pictures of lesbian coeds, anyway, you sick pervert!?" This way, you remain the victim and always have the upper hand. Even if he continues to argue, hey, you're married, and he can't just walk out like he could if you were only engaged.


Dear Dr. Truth: Recently I was in the bathroom at the local mall. I did my business at the urinal, and when I flushed, I received a big splash back. It went all over my legs and the front of my shorts. Since this happened, I have been afraid of using urinals and have had to use the stalls. I remember mocking the sissy guys in high school who were "pee shy" and had to use the stalls to pee, but now I am so terrified of getting splashed again with water and god-know's-what that I feel I have no choice. -- Denny in Milwaukee

Dear Denny: Though urinal culture is for the most part alien to me, growing up with five brothers did convince me that a man using the stall to pee is a big no-no. May I suggest that you use the urinal and simply leave without flushing? Granted, the other guys might think you're a pig, but at least you won't be risking getting splashed on or being ridiculed by total strangers for using the stall.


Dear Dr. Truth: My friends suggested going to a Chinese restaurant last night, and I eagerly agreed, since I love Chinese food. After our entrees arrived, I watched my friends expertly use their chopsticks to eat their meals. I tried to use the chopsticks (which were the only utensils provided), but my attempt was met with mocking laughter from both my friends and the wait staff, and I was eventually forced to ask the waitress for a knife and fork. My dinner was ruined and I was totally humiliated. Should I swear off Chinese in the future? -- Phillip in Lancaster

Dear Phil: Normally I would advise you to suck up and fit in as best you can. "When in Rome..." and so on. Chopsticks, however, are a different matter. As a psychologist, I'm extremely sensitive to human nature and motivations, and my gut feeling tells me that the only reason non-Asian people ever use chopsticks is to show off in front of other non Asians. "We both grew up using a knife and fork, but I'm more sophisticated than you because I've abandoned my culture and have the ability to use two sticks to inefficiently and sloppily eat my meal!" seems to be what these people are trying to say. In this instance, I would advise you to embrace your Western heritage, loudly and proudly request a knife and fork, and enjoy your meal.



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