Ask Dr. Truth

by Hall Monitor staff psychologist Sherrie Truth

Dear Dr. Truth: A couple of months ago I discovered, to my and my husband's delight, that I'm pregnant! Ever since I found out, I've been enjoying shopping at stores which have "stork parking", that is, parking spaces close to the entrances set aside especially for pregnant women. I think this is a great idea, but I'm disappointed that more stores and shopping centers haven't set aside such spaces. I'd like to issue an appeal to stores around the country to create more "stork parking" for mommies-to-be like me! What do you think? -Preggers in L.A.

Dear Preggo: I think you're selfish and incredibly lazy. I've seen such "stork parking", and let me tell you, there's nothing more frustrating than spying a primo space only to find out it's mysteriously reserved for pregnant women only! Since when did being pregnant become comparable to being handicapped, anyway? I've seen plenty of pregnant women jogging, doing aerobics, working on loading docks at the post office, you name it. Believe it or not, Mom, it's a natural condition. Worried about carrying groceries to your car? Last time I checked, most stores had shopping carts, loading areas in front of the exits, and staff to help people place items in their vehicles. If you're so incredibly out of shape or at risk during your pregnancy that you can't walk a few extra yards to the store entrance, then you should let someone else do the shopping for you.

Dear Dr. Truth: I'm terrified of getting old. I'm in my thirties, and already I feel like the best part of my life is behind me. Every time I turn around I see beautiful young people and become very envious of their youthful vitality. I feel so out of touch with the world around me. What can I do to get out of this funk? -Aging Adam in Charleston.

Dear Adam: I hate to break the news to you, Oldie, but the best part of your life IS behind you, and it's not going to get any better. The problem here isn't in your attitude (nobody likes getting old), it's in your actions. My advice is to fight it every step of the way and to learn to love the temporary, superficial results. First off, begin by lying about your age. Shave off five years now, and when you hit your forties, shave off ten. Second, visit your local plastic surgeon and check out the options. With any luck, they'll be able to suck, inject, and snip off enough to make those lies believable. Third, begin cultivating friendships with people who are older and in worse shape than you. Nothing salves the ego more than being the "baby" of the group! Fourth, try to date much younger women. This isn't usually a problem if you're willing to look hard enough. There are plenty of slutty, screwed up twenty-somethings out there looking for a daddy figure, so look at this as an opportunity to score with all the young women you never had a shot with when you were younger and lacked that aura of authority, and enjoy!

Confidential to "Mary Beth" in Duluth: What your husband did was shocking enough, but serving the end result to dinner guests hoping they wouldn't notice is completely unacceptable. My advice is to leave the sicko immediately and deal with the consequences later.

Home