Ask Dr. Truth

by Hall Monitor staff psychologist Sherrie Truth

Dear Dr. Truth: I work as a waitress in a family restaurant. Recently, I had a young couple in for what seemed to be an anniversary of some sort. The gentleman had close-cropped hair and was dressed in black denim pants, a button down shirt and a bolo tie, and the lady was dressed in a pants suit. I always try to be polite, and throughout the meal I referred to them as "sir" and "ma'am." When it came time for the bill, the name on the credit card said "Cheryl," and when I returned the printout for signature, I placed it next to the lady in the pants suit. To my horror, she passed it along to her dinnermate. I quickly realized that the "man" in the denim suit was also a woman, albeit a very masculine one. I was speechless and mortified that I had referred to her as "sir" the entire time! I tried to think of a way to apologize, but I just couldn't find the words and just ended up muttering goodbye as they left the restaurant. Am I right to feel embarrassed? -- Gender Bender in Burlington.

Dear Bender: Lemme see here...Victoria rolls into town, girl in tow, ordering a cold-n-frosty dressed totally in men's drag, and you feel embarrassed about calling her Victor? As far as I'm concerned, if it walks like a dyke, talks like a dyke and acts like a dyke, it's a dyke and should reasonably expect some confusion.

Dear Dr. Truth: I'm a gay man who recently broke up with his life partner. I don't know why, maybe revenge, maybe desperation, but I've been sleeping around a lot lately. Sometimes I don't even know the other guy's name. My straight friend "Donald" has been relentlessly critical of my behavior, calling me a slut and saying I need to change my lifestyle. Never mind "Donald" has visited anonymous prostitutes in the past, as far as he's concerned I'm a tramp. His attitude really irritates me, and I'm considering calling our friendship quits. What do you think? -- M4M  in DC

Dear M4M: I hate to burst your bubble, but your buddy is right. You are a slut. You are entering the boudoir of any available man for many different reasons, as you freely admit to. Emotions, feelings, memories, all of these play a role here. "Donald" entered the hooker's bedroom in a desperate attempt to get off, but the power was always in his hands. You're looking to get off too, but you're also looking for more, and though you know you'll never find it, you keep trying. You've become the adult equivalent of the fat girl in high school that nobody paid attention to until she started putting out, and even after the cute boys did her, they still made fun of her. My advice is to use your right hand for the immediate urges and leave the rest to someone you've gotten to know on a first name basis!

Dear Dr. Truth: The other day my boyfriend was getting dressed for work, and he started putting on his underwear. I noticed that he always wears dark-colored shorts. "No tighty whiteys for you!" I playfully remarked. "No way, babe, these darkies hide the bacon stains!" was his reply. I laughed at the time, but now all I can think of when he climbs on top of me at night is that comment, and it's really turning me off of him. -- Hold the Bacon, Stockton, CA

Dear Bacon Holder: Get used to it, "babe", cause it ain't gonna get any better. His innocent comment was only the tip of the iceberg. Just wait until you're married and he starts with the open farting and peeing with the door open. That's your future with him or most any other guy. If you wish to avoid it, might I suggest that you break up with your current beau and find some prissy boy who thinks that biological functions should be confined to a university textbook, and let's see how satisfied you are when that thing crawls on top!

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