| After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL YOU OFF! Instead, run to their bed. Jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime. |
| Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then watch as they humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note, this only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrings.) |
| Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they are talking about. |
| Wake your humans. When you go outside to pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot your chooose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth. |
| When you go out for a walk always pick the busiest most visable spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring the plastic bag. |
| When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing everytime a strange human walks by. |
| Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while. |
| Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears.) |
| When your human calls your to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door. |
| Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside.. this will drive them nuts!) |
| You believe every dog is a lap dog. |
| You have a picture of your dog in your wallet but none of your children. |
| You often claim that it was love at first site with you and your dog. |
| You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself. |
| You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog. |
| You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been. |
| You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog. |
| When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice. |
| You sit on the floor if the dog got on the chair first. |
| You talk to your dog when you are driving and he answers you. |
| My life is likely to last ten to fifteen years. Any separation from you will be painful. |
| Give me time to understand what you want from me. |
| Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being. |
| Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have ONLY YOU. |
| Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me. |
| Be aware that however you treat me, I'll NEVER forget it. |
| Before you hit me, remember that i have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but i choose not to bite you. |
| Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I am not getting the right food, i've been out in the sun too long, or my heart may be getting old and weak. |
| Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old. |
| Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say "I can't bear to watch it" or "let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I love you. |
