Oh, but GSW was not all about class by any means. The H.E. learned how to throw a boomerang, even though it never came back. So...she learned how to...throw a stick.

She learned how to make wonderful and fascinating things out of food from the refectory (or infectory, or rat factory or whatever you would like to call it). The first thing being food art. What wonderful creations H.E. made! She made a happy face complete with hair, eyes, and a great big smile. She also made a heart. Hey, maybe H.E. should have been in art! No...she could only draw stick figures (it's okay, hyper elf--we love you anyway). She and her friend Greg also played with a rice ball he created one night. After rolling it across the street, bouncing it against cement walls and concrete floors, playing catch with it and more, they realized the rice ball was indestructible. Then they realized they ate the same rice used to make the rice ball and were very, very sick for a very, very long time.

H.E. played with bubbles with her friends all summah. She also ate part of the world's largest doughnut. Now, the world's largest doughnut was a bit of a disappointment. It was not, in fact, the world's largest doughnut but the world's largest doughnut cake. But it was okay, because they were Krispy Kreme doughnuts and they gave away free dozens and ice cream pretty much all day. The hyper elf was very happy and her stomach was full.

The hyper elf danced all summah. Whether it was going to the infirmary for two pulled calf muscles or at the fancy dance or the masquerade ball, the hyper elf moved her rhythmically challenged body. She went to the masquerade as a '50s TV Mom. My, was there a lot of cross dressing at the dance! What is cross dressing, you ask boys and girls? Uh...go ask your parents and don't tell them where you heard it from. And, even if H.E. danced badly, she made all the other hyper elves' days that much better.

Speaking of which, the hyper elf was secretly evil. Now, I know, I know children. You're thinking, gee, how could any elf that hyper be evil? I can not really explain it but she was. She was mean in at least 76 ways. Yes, boys and girls, she counted. She was that much more evil because she acted nice. She brought food to her classmates and hallmates for no apparent reason. I can't explain what exactly was evil about it, except that she was trying to hide her evilness.

The evil hyper elf (E.H.E.) went to the foreign film on Sundays instead of going to church. Actually, the movies were later than the church was--so she merely slept through when the other good elves were going to church. Perhaps she was fighting "the man," because you know, Santa's really a slave driver.

Oh, I'm sorry boys and girls, let's get back to the happier stuff. E.H.E. and her friends went to a pretty expensive restaurant called Mayberry's (which was really a Denny's that served ice cream) and ate the Lock, Stock & Barrel. Which consisted of lots and lots of ice cream and cake and whipped cream and sauces and sherbet and lots of other wonderful, wonderful things. She and her friends ate all of the dish and then, in an extreme sugar rush, publicly humiliated themselves by dancing the Chicken Polka in front of about a hundred people. Then E.H.E. and Jennifer (the other really hyper elf) stayed up very late that night in a constant state of "Eeeh!" (from the sugar rush).

But, alas, all good things must come to an end. And it's lunchtime and the E.H.E. is very, very hungry. So, we'll fast forward to the last day. E.H.E. and her friends got up very, very early in order to see the sun rise. They did, in fact, see the sunrise about 3 hours after they got up and realized that they could have slept to a reasonable hour and still seen the sun rise. The E.H.E. was supposed to ask a question at the convocation in front of all 400 students and their parents. She didn't really see all of the 400 students in the 6 weeks she was there. She secretly suspected that only 200 students really went to GSW and they bused the other 200 in when things were required. Back on topic, E.H.E. decided against asking her original question of:
If you cloned yourself and then had sex with it, would that be incest or masturbation?
And she finally decided on:
Since the shampoo bottle reads, "Lather, rinse, repeat" is that the definition of infinity?
She feels most people in the audience didn't get the joke. So, about 2 hours after it ended and 2 hours of straight crying the E.H.E. headed home. The E.H.E misses her friends very, very much and hopes that they'll look over her evilness and e-mail or IM or mail or call or send a courier turtle to her or something.

Now, boys and girls, it's time for bed. What? Isn't it nighttime? Go to bed anyways. Yeah, well...you may be superbabies but you still have to obey the evil hyper elf--I mean, the baby sitter. Go to bed, darnit.

No, you a dick sandwich.