| Die,
Macarena!!!
You know how it goes..... A
bunch of drunken fools walk up to the DJ at the club, and shout, "Hey, man....let's
Macarena!" As soon as you hear the first beat of the sucky little song, you know your
entire night is SCREWED UP because you had that ATROCITY forced upon your ears. Well, I'm
here to say
FUNK DAT!
NO MORE MACARENA!
It is way
past time to KILL that stupid little dance, and the little Brazilian (I bet you thought
she was Mexican) slut who "sings" about liking to boink two boys at once.
First, a little history of my
hating of what John Mac Laughlin refers to as "Standing Autism".
December, 1995 Post Oak Ranch
(don't look for it.... it's not there
anymore.... even the building's gone)
The infestation begins....
The Dance Lessons duo , fresh from a trip to Florida, show everybody this "fun new
Brazilian line dance everybody on the East Coast is doing"... We stood around,
listening to the sorry song, watching the rednecks flailing their arms around like a bunch
of idiots, just a laughing our heads off at them..... I thought they looked even stupider
than the idiots who do that backwoods "Line Dancing" crap, which is nothing more
than rednecks prancing around like a bunch of fairies..... Anyway, this Macarena crap took
hold of their senses, and it took off....
January, 1996
The little Brazilian slut's vocals
are added to the mix so the English speaking Americans can understand SOME of the words,
other than "Hey, Macarena"....
February, 1996 Armadillo
Ballroom
Brazoria, Tx- a very, very small town
60 miles SW of Houston
The band I was with at the time had a
sound guy who thought he was a mobile DJ- he really was more of a fool than a DJ...
Macarena to start the night.... Macarena right before the band went on.... Macarena as
soon as the band was done... Macarena right before second set..... always the mix with the
girl....
Get the picture?
March 1996 Mo's Place
Katy, Tx
Macarena contest. Nuff said This
inspired the "Counter Muckarama".... arms extended, wrists pointed upwards at 90
degrees, with the middle finger extended... left... right.... up, down...
Hey, Macarena!
May 1996- The COMMERCIAL
SOMEBODY had to do it......
the Order it from the TV, "I'll show you how YOU can do the Macarena"
video..."It was so easy... I was able to learn it at home"... GIVE ME A
BREAK!!!!.. Stupidity comes to my living room (well, my dog's not very smart, but that's
another story). Did you know there is a such thing as an "ADVANCED MACARENA"?
Neither did I
July 1996 Milwaukee
26,000 Macarena-ing fools
Major League Baseball turned
my stomach one day in July when the people of Milwaukee were put in the Guinness Book Of
World Records for the lowest collective IQ in the history of the world... they attained it
by all doing the Macarena for the 7th inning stretch..... makes me wanna wretch. I'll take
the late, great Harry Carey singing "Take Me Out to The Ballgame" any day over
that noise.... And they put Milwaukee in the National League Central... Shit...
There goes the neighborhood...
August 1996
Democratic National Convention
Yep... The Socialists had
their perfect motions with the Muckarama.... First, you stick out your right hand in the
"gimme more government money" position... then when it's not full enough, you
stick out your left! Perfect for them!!! And your president STILL couldn't get it right,
and Algore was as stiff as a board. TipperGore, former rock slut/groupie, got it right,
and Queen Hillary demanded that her way was the proper way to Muckarama.
PUKEFEST!!!!
New Year's Eve 1997
NO MUCKARAMA!!!!
November 1, 1997
LatinoFest
NO MACARENA!!!!
We ARE WINNING!!!!!
November 16 or so
Willow Wisp Country Club
When I was a dumb little kid in High
School, I had a button with 5 little words listed on it that pretty much said it all. It
went something like this:
Shit
Fuck
Damn
Piss
Hell
Well.... My little bother
brother went and got hitched sometime around Thanksgiving... First wedding where I told
the bride it was her last chance to run, not the groom, as is customary, but that's
another story altogether... But anyway, the DJ at the wedding was told NOT TO play the
goddamn macarena. Did he listen?
NO
Did he get paid for his services?
NO
The moral of the story? Give the
customer what they want, and if you play the macarena, you're dead meat...
Dec 27, 1997
my wife's sister's wedding reception
Another stupid DJ played the macarena
after being TOLD not to... He was sent packing. What is it with these IGNORANT
TWERPS? The people shelling out the money say "NO MACARENA", yet they play
it anyway.... We're dead meat..... Remember the 'Hokey Pokey', and how long THAT idiocy
has been around? The world is in deep trouble...... Oh, for the days of old.... before the
little Brazilian slut... Before line dancing... Hell, even before disco, another
aberration we killed 20 years ago....
Sometime in July, 1998
Dog Show, Astroarena
Some chick from the middle of nowhere
has an act where she danced with her dog.... it was actually kinda cool, watching her walk
around with this dog running between her feet, and not knocking her on her ass....
UNTIL... yep..you guessed it... this MORON decided it was time for her dog to Macarena...
Well, there were 2000 people in the arena, watching this shtick... She was down on the
arena floor, doing the Macarena... Her mutt was running around like a dog usually will...
As I looked around the audience, NOT ONE PERSON was EVEN LOOKING
at the MORON doing the Macarena.... Hell, the ONLY
people doing it WITH HER were the people who were PAID TO RUN THE SHOW-the
Dog Handlers...LOL
SCREW EM ALL!!!! WE WON!!!
THE MACARENA'S DEAD!!!
December '98
NO!!!!!!!
Not Seinfeld, too! (screams)
Just when we thought it was DEAD.... Seinfeld reruns have a commercial where they
do all their dance routines... Elaine's 'spaz' dance... Kramer being... Kramer... All done
to the Muckarama... Ok... different words, but still the same piece of SHIT song...
WILL IT NEVER GO AWAY?!?!?!
April '99
Nothing to report
This IS a good
sign....LOL
Late October '99
Longview, Tx
(the middle of Nowhere)
My older brother gets
married (again)
Did the DJ play the Macarena?
FUCK NO!
Did the DJ play the Hokey Pokey?
FUCK NO!
YAY!!!!
Macarena's FINALLY DEAD!!!
Macarena's FINALLY DEAD!!!
Macarena's FINALLY DEAD!!!
BUT WAIT,
THERE'S MORE
March 2003
I haven't updated this
page in almost 3 years...
Why?
NO NEED.... until NOW
The Cable/Satellite channel VH1 did a special on ONE HIT WONDERS.... They listed the top
100 one hit wonders of all time, including such cool people as Thomas Dolby, Gary Numan,
Modern English, and Soft Cell... At the top of the list was Los Del Rio, the duo who
inflicted this SHIT upon an unsuspecting world... Even the totally cool Alice Cooper said
he liked the song... AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHH!!!!!!
That suck-ass song spent 60 weeks in the Top 100... What was the world thinking?!?!
At least Captain Kirk (the host of
the show) spoke of the macarena in the PAST TENSE... (for those of you in Floriduh, than
means he was talking about it like it was dead)
SO...
IT'S OFFICIAL
NOW.
BURY IT.
STICK A FORK
IN IT.
IT'S DONE!
Oh yeah.....
In case you're wondering, the tunes are by the
Stormtroopers Of Death...
The song's called
"Speak English Or
Die"
ŠThe Light King
04 March 2003
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