Motherfuckin' DMC is the true storyteller of the posse. Unlike "The Corruptor" he contributes his OWN stories and doesn't steal other people's. Anyone from the posse who wants to post a story can e-mail me and I'll put it on the page. Just don't get pissed at me if you don't like the story...I just post them. So here is the latest from the Dave store...

Well, I guess its about time that the J-man contributes a story of his own. My story takes us back to the summer of our Junior year, 1999. The posse, plus one, went on a camping trip to Lost Creak Lake. We’ll just call this other guy that was with us um… Brian Frosto. Just to keep his identity safe. Anyway, the camping trip was fun. Somehow, a multitude of cigars found their way into my backpack. We had so many that we couldn’t even smoke half of them. But the real story takes place on the ride back from the camping trip. I had to take my mom’s van just because we had too much stuff to fit in my car. Joel also drove his Jimmy. So on the way back we had to take Highway 62, which is the highway that runs between Medford and Lost Creak Lake. I was following Joel in his Jimmy, and the Bastard formerly known as Fat Dirty was riding with me. Joel had Brian Frosto, and D-Train riding with him. I’ll start by telling what happened in my car, then I’ll tell what happened in Joel’s car. In the van me and FDB were just driving along listening to the radio. I remember that I had to roll down the windows because there was a foul reek coming from the FDB. A song that I recognized came on the radio. I was telling T-bone that it was a song that John Forte had remade. The only response that I got were a few grunts that sounded like “Uuuhhhgggg, I’m hungjurry.” Or something like that. So I gave the bastard the sticks that we had used to roast the marshmallows. Those kept him busy for a while. It was about then that the FDB took off his shirt. It was then that I realized how truly fat and gross he was. He didn’t have his seat belt on because it wouldn’t even stretch around the bulk of his body. I remember that I was just about to ralph after a quick glance at the FDB, and noticing all of the puss that was oozing out the boils that cover his body when I noticed that we were coming up to a stoplight. After regaining my wellbeing, I noticed that Joel was still going fast even though the light was red. I was thinking that he had better stop soon or else he is going to run into a car that was stopped at the light. The next thing I noticed was that Joel had slammed into the rear of the car in front. The backend of his Jimmy went high up in the air. Now backing up a little bit to tell what was going on in Joel’s car. Joel was driving with Brian Frosto riding shotgun and Darren in the backseat. Just like the FDB, Frosto was also an oversized monster. We had bought 10 pounds of candy for the trip, which no one except Frosto had seen the entire time. He had just finished the last few pieces of candy from the bags, when all of a sudden the craving for sausages came over him. Almost going blind from the cravings, Frosto began to hallucinate. The next thing that happened was that he had lunged for Joel’s hands, seeing all of the little sausages that he had for fingers. Joel temporarily lost control of the car. Darren had to beat Frosto off of Joel. When Joel regained control of the car he looked back at the road he noticed that there was a red light that he needed to stop for. He started to apply the breaks in advance because he knew that with the extra weight in the car he needed more time to stop. Even though he took the proper precautions, it still wasn’t enough. You see, Frosto concealed most of his weight, so everyone underestimated him. When he looks like he weighs around 320 or 330, he actually weighs 767. Joel didn’t expect this extra load in the car. Joel noticed that he wasn’t slowing down like he should have been. So with all of his strength he stomped on the break. Just then, Frosto made another move towards Joel. Thinking that his legs were 2 large pastrami logs he bit Joel’s leg. Joel flinched in pain when Frosto did this. Joel lost the leverage that he had needed to stop the car, and he slammed into the car in front of him. We all pulled over on the side of the road and assessed the damage. There, the 2 elephantine people that we called our friends, met and started to fight over some bread that we had left over. No serious damage was done to either vehicle. So we all just drove off. But not without leaving the 2 behemoths behind on the side of the road. J-Store

J store - 12/04/00

So I'm talking to Darren about the posse page and we realize that we need to have stories written by other members. So I decide to give story writing a try and I tell him that I'll write a story. Then I realize that I don't have any good stories to tell because I was never there when something cool happened. So here's my story about not being in any stories. Yaaay!

J dogg - 12/03/00

This one night the posse was kickin' it like usual when we decided to take a spin in the Store's Honda. It was a Friday night that I remember well. Earlier in the day there had been a classic car show on the streets of downtown Jerkstoria, and now all the badasses were out cruisin' the strip. Little did we know this, however. So we head down McAndrews to Central to start cruising while bumpin' the subs - I'm sitting shotgun, Tristan back left, and Joel back right. We immediately hit traffic, but we don't mind because it's not like we're in a hurry. So eventually we get up to the Central-Jackson intersection and as we are crossing it, some anonymous person in the car shouts out, "Mike D!!" and points to a car sitting at the stoplight on Jackson waiting to turn on to Central. Dave gets all excited and turns his head completely around to look behind him while he keeps driving. I look ahead and see this fat old green car approaching quickly. I yell, "Dave, Watch Out! Watch Out!" but it was too late and we slammed into the back of the green slug in front of us. All I know is that FDB slammed his face into the back of Dave's seat and I'm all, "Fuck." Dave was pretty mad. We pulled over into a parking lot and, sure enough, Mike D pulled in behind us after witnessing the accident. The green monster was all smashed up, but the Jerkstore Mobile was fine. Dave ended up knowing the chick he hit, but she sued him anyway. I think he lost the case and had to give her his soul since his family was too poor to pay for it. Eh, sorry Dave.

DMC - 12/02/00

So I'm sitting at home one day in August of 2G on my computer looking up porn or something and I think to myself, "I'm gonna write my good friend Dave an email or something because he moved to Colorado already." I don't even know if that is what I thought because it was so long ago, but for the sake of the story, that is what I thought. So I go to write it and I get a call from The Corruptor - aka FDB. We starts talkin' and I tell him, "I am writing an email to our pal Dave." So he says, "Break into his email account and tell me if he talks about me in his emails because I am paranoid and I will slit your throat if you don't you fucking bastard." Afraid for my life, I try multiple passwords and I can't crack the code. So The Corruptor corrupts me into changing Dave's password. He demands that I type in all the relevant information about Dave to retrieve a new password automatically. Reluctantly, but fearful of the 300+ pound beast on the phone, I do it. It gives me a new password - instant access to Dave's account. The Corruptor, anxious to hear the latest gossip about him, yells at me to read all of Dave's private email. As I stall, an idea comes to mind. I tell him, "I'm busy," and since I have 2 phone lines, I quickly call his parents' cell phone and ask for him. On the previous line, he tells me to hold on so he can talk on the other phone, but not to go away or else he will torture me in homosexual ways that will bring him immense pleasure. So he comes on the new phone and I pretend to be Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's. I say, "Tristan Lufquist (his name is changed to protect his identity), since you have conquered my biggest meal, the triple with cheese biggie sized meal, you have gained respect in my eyes. You are no longer a man, you are a god. Because you are an eating machine, you win a free meal at Wendy's for publicity. Come down to redeem it right now." I hear him grunt something like, "FOOOOOOOOD!!" on the phone, so I quickly hange up. He eventually comes back on the other line and says, "I'm busy. I have to go. Wendy's calls." So he hangs up and my plan succeeds - I protect my friend Dave's privacy. I quickly close my web browser, so as to never view the contents of his mailbox. The only problem was that I could not inform Dave that his password had been changed. Luckily, he figured it out and was able to change it again. To this day, we have both vowed eternal vengeance against the one who corrupts all.

DMC - 11/30/00

So I am sitting in math class working on some Physics homework when Derek walks by and starts shaking my binder as I am working so that I have to stop. "Stop it," I say and he does this dumb voice to imitate me because he is such a jackass. He then goes and sits down in front of me, so I stab him in the back with my Pentel Techniclik Pencil. He turns around, angered, and takes his pencil and writes all over my homework. "Why would you do that?" I ask him as I erase his marks. "Why would you poke me in the back?" he asks back. So I say, "Because you did that damn voice," and then he just turns back around because he knows he is wrong. Then later in the period, the greed monster turns around and starts copying a math problem that I did and that he didn't understand. So I start shaking my binder so he can't read it, and he says, "Quit it." Of course I imitate him just like he did to me, so he gets mad and reaches down and pokes me in the leg with his pencil. I should have started ripping up his homework or stabbing him in the back of the neck. That would have been funny. But I didn't, and I just let it slide because I didn't want to argue with him.

Darren - 12/08/99