It was on a school trip to France where I made the mistake of trying to start a sophisticated relationship with a girl whilst on a bouncy castle - I wouldn't recommend it, it doesn't work. As I uttered my poetic words of love ("Will you go out with me?") to Emma and received her somewhat ambiguous reply of "I don't think so", Pru spun round with a sparkle in her eye to inform me that she had heard what I had said and was going to rib me for it for the rest of the trip. At that point I realised that I had picked the wrong girl, but unfortunately, Pru was the object of my best friends affections.

Not that Ashley was going to get anywhere, as was proved when he walked down the ferry steps to ask her out and lost his footing, throwing out his arms for balance and in the process, launching his walkman onto her head. But that was an aside. Although I had a mild history of stealing friends' girlfriends, the object of your best friends unrequited love was off limits. But that didn't stop the friendship and extreme flirting.

She lived in a village close to mine and I would cycle to see her, visits which often contained my taking advantage of her extreme ticklishness, and her chasing me round the garden trying to whip me with pampus grass in scenes reminiscent of a Madonna stage show. Subliminal bondage aside, my relationship with Pru, brought me face to face with the green-eyed-monster for the first time.

She had a friend, called Jamie, from the town where she used to live. He was a friend of the family. Their respective parents had earmarked them as husband and wife since they were born. He was my nemesis, my unseen enemy. I never met him, but he was talked about often, and did come and stay with the family from time to time. My days were spent casting aspersions on his manhood and trying to find ways to force myself above him in Pru's affections, should the day arrive when Ashley gave up his quest and the rest of us were allowed a pop. Alas I moved away before this happened, but we did keep up our relationship through declarations of love in letters, although every time Jamie got a mention for swimming for his county, or discovering the cure for cancer and achieving world peace it was like knives thrust into my heart.