Our high school years weren't the smoothest.  We were pretty close in age and he was outgoing and a cutie (he would tell you he was hot... you just had to ask him!)  We fought about girls and pretty much everything else... I went to college in Jacksonville and he went to Southern in Carbondale.  I always thought that we would have time to work things out.

We did to a degree... I remember the last time that I talked to him (it was Thanksgiving).  We were in the road right outside of our grandma and grandpa's house.  I asked him about what was going on and he told me... and he asked me back.  Such a small conversation... insignificant really... but I remember it.  We weren't two brothers competing with each other... we were two brothers with a strong bond from childhood.   Five minutes of our lives... no big deal right?

On December 11, 1996, Rich was driving back to his place in Carbondale three days before finals were to be over for the semester.  Sadly, he would not make it to see the end of finals.   He lost control of his car and left the roadway striking a tree... and was ejected from the car.  They say he was killed instantly...  Thanksgiving was the last time we saw one another...

Such an insignificant event right? Two brothers sharing a conversation about their lives...  No,  it was not insignificant by any means.

Why am I writing this?  (I'm asking myself that very question as I cry right now...!)  But I have an answer to that.

We live our lives with so many plans and things we want to accomplish that very often we forget what is important.  I live every day of my life wishing that I had told Rich how I felt...  In the end, I realize that he knew but that does not change the way that I feel.

It's the small things really.  I miss talking to him.  I miss his smile.  I miss hugging him.  He had a hell of a presence that was amazing.  But I really miss two things most of all.   I miss the feeling that there was someone in this life that regardless of anything... he knew exactly the background I came from and could understand.  I  REALLY miss the fact that my daughter Samantha will never get to know her Uncle Rich... he would have spoiled her rotten and she would have loved him SOOO much!   I can't help but feel cheated in that regard.  I dream about him often and I know that when my time comes I will see him again.  But that doesn't change anything.

Don't let the day come when you regret not telling someone how you feel about them!!!!
 

"The road is long... with many a winding turn... which leads us to who knows where... but I'm strong, strong enough to carry on... he ain't heavy he's my brother"
                                                                         --the Holly's "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"

"One by one they came... far as the eye could see... each life somehow touched... by your generousity... little things that you had done... sacrifices made... unnoticed on the earth... in Heaven now proclaimed"
                                                                         --Ray Boltz "Thank You"

"Last night I had a crazy dream... a wish was granted just for me... it could be for anything... I didn't ask for money or a mansion by the pool... I simply wished for one more day with you.  One more day one more time... one more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied... but then again I know what it would be... I'd be wishing still for one more day with you."
                                                                         --Diamond Rio "One More Day"

"Don't sell the dreams you should be keeping... pure and simple every time"
                                                                         --Lightning Seeds "Pure"