Here is an unfuckupable recipe that is divine. Here's what you are gonna need:

A large onion
Some Cooking oil
About 150 grams of bacon roughly chopped
1 kg casserole beef (chuck steak, gravy beef, topside etc.)
About a cup or so of red wine
A cup or so of beef stock (powdered is fine)
2 cloves of garlic, chopped fine
200 grams of mushrooms
black pepper (not the powder shit, get corns and crush them)
long grain white rice (I prefer thai jasmine or basmati) OK, this is mind numbingly easy.

First cut the beef into about inch size cubes, slice your onions, bacon and garlic. Grind your peppercorns

Add a little oil into your pan and heat. When the oil is hot fry the beef cubes off in four lots till they are browned on all sides. Put them in a bowl when they are done. DON'T tip out the juice from the bowl.

Add a little more oil and fry the onion off in the pan until soft. Add the sliced garlic, the ground pepper corns (about 10 I suppose), the bacon and return the meat to the pan as well. Turn down the heat to low. Tip in the meat juice from the bowl.

Add the wine and the stock. Cover the pan and leave for like an hour to gently boil away. Stir occasionally so it doesn't stick (also this looks impressive). Add a little water if the liquid level is lower than the meat.

Remove the lid and observe your greatness. There should still be liquid covering the beef, if there isn't add a little water. YOu don't need the lid anymore. Taste a lump of beef, if it's tender it's pretty much done. Add the mushrooms. Turn up the heat a little so that its boiling steadily. Stir, don't let it stick.

Boil a pot of water and cook your rice.

When the liquid level in the pan reduces to a nice thick tasty gravy it's done. Note no salt went in, most stocks are quite salty. Add a little salt if you think it needs it. I like to add a big blob of sour cream at the end but its optional.

Serve it with the rice and prepare for adoration. It's ok, you can say you made it up yourself...

Next time we are gonna make bread. It's real easy and the dough can be used for anything from dinner rolls to pizza dough.