NDT: How to be a playa
"NDT knows your girlfriend"
Well, if youre reading this, youre obviously some waste of space stain needing some help. Small penis? Likely. Havent seen boobies yet? Definetly. So how we help? We probably cant, because youre probably wearing women's underwear, with a big smile on your face. Well, when your not playing Starcraft the entire day, peep it:
1. Listen to "BAMM" by the Jerky Boys until you say BAMM! all the time.
2. Get Drunk All the Time. If there's one things the chicks love, it's a boozehound. Remember, Natty enhances all areas of life, even sticky situations involving going to class, the police, and meetings with the Dean.
3. Smoke Cigarettes. Cant be stressed enough. If the early 1990s taught us anything, its that smoking makes people appear cooler than they really are. Case in point - Cox.
4. Get off of the internet. Free porn, free music, its all there. Theres even free porn. Despite all of this porno, its still weak to be on the i-net looking at porn, unless your showing it to some broads, as all chicks secretly love it when you throw on a porn at a party.
5. Go hogging. Set aside the hundreds of extra pounds of waste and all that vagacne, and youve got one hot little whore on your hands.
6. Bad Music. The dumber the rap song sounds (think: The Thong Song) the more chicks love it. Its time tested, and even though your friends will call you names like "tallywacker" or "pussyface", your pulling ass. So, it sucks that we have to put Ozzy Ozbourne and "Crazy Train" on hold for little sluts, make sure nobody else is around. Remember, girls are not people, so they dont count.
7. The Freak Out. Get your greasy little hands on someones convertible or stick the dumbest one of your friends on top of your car. After this, turn up bad ass music like Styx or ACDC really loud and drive around and talk to chicks. That disgusted look on their face is how they express that they want have your baby. No always means yes, unless there's double negatives involved. Thats the tricky part. Play "The Pina Coloda Song" too, its really cool, youre not, so maybe something will rub off, besides you and yourself later on this evening.
8. ALways be Drunk. Everyone loves the life of the party, especially when he's passed out in CS150 the next day. Being drunk removes awkward social tensions, so you'll have a clever answer to that pesky "You smell like an anus, dont you shower?" And if youre too drunk to think, which is fun, then punching that girl who said that seems like the best idea you had since drinking.
9. Listen to funny shit. Ask Gersh about this, he hook it up like a muthafucka. Where he gets it is anyones guess, but how funny is Cannibus? Oh yeah, where is the toof?
10. You're Cool. Well, not really. But not only do you still have a smal penis and wear womens underwear, but your music sucks, your always drunk, and you smoke buts all the time. If thats not cool, i dont really care.
This wont help your crucial game that you no doubt have, but talk in tough guy, psuedo-moffia Italian voices all the time. Initiate conversations with broads by boldly saying " (In the voice) Who da fuck are you?